The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 30/12/2017 15:00

Today, after 4 years of college to get a BA in Marketing and 2 years to get an MBA, I landed a great job as a receptionist. My boss likes to fist bump when I buzz him through the security door correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 231

You deserved it 826

By Tressa95 - 26/02/2018 01:30 - United States - Belleville

Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 702

You deserved it 310

Money!

By Sheezey - 24/02/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 451

You deserved it 6 790

King Dick

By wtf bro - 20/03/2020 15:00 - United States

Today, after returning from some caveman type "men’s retreat" with his buddies, my husband is now refusing to cook or help out with the house and kids as it’s "women’s work." He also expects to be fetched beer on demand and referred to as "King" from now on. I don’t know rather to laugh or cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 615

You deserved it 312

By Noname - 11/02/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I got on Facebook and realized the only two friend requests I've had in 2 months are both from my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 365

You deserved it 5 505

By avocadopurse - 09/07/2018 19:00

Today, I told my grandmother I was planning a trip to take my newborn son to meet his great-great-grandfather before it was too late. She had a guilty expression on her face. My great-grandfather died 4 months ago and my family forgot to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 988

You deserved it 274

Wuss

By kenneth - 31/08/2018 01:30

Today, I had to drive 40-odd miles to my grown-ass son's house to kill a large spider on the wall. It had him trapped in his bedroom because his wife had already gone to work. How did I ever raise such a wuss? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 769

You deserved it 1 679

Brothers in arms

By MitchRapp - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my brother asked me what I want for my birthday, so I said that we could just hang out. He told me I should ask for something more realistic, like a gift card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 566

You deserved it 1 759

Noise annoys

By mandythepandy - 04/03/2017 04:00

Today, same as every other day, I had to pick up around 8 spoons because my cats love to take them and drop them on the floor around my house so they can listen to the noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 575

You deserved it 1 071

By Knz - 04/06/2014 04:00 - Morocco - Mohammedia

Today, we attended my daughter’s dance show. When they shut the lights off, my 2 year-old son started to sing “Happy Birthday”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 79

By Touriste26 - 07/03/2016 03:50 - Republic of Panama

Today, my boyfriend and I are going on vacation to Panama. When we landed, our suitcases were missing and the airline has no clue where they are. It’s 32 degrees Celsius outside, and all we have is our winter jackets and a pair of jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 136

Left behind

By happysingleone - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, the last of my college friends is getting married and now I'm the last single one. Don't worry though, if one ever gets a divorce we can hang out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 172

You deserved it 1 205

By UnhappyLips - 16/12/2016 09:43

Today, the lip balms I ordered online finally arrived in the mail. After trying one out, my lips had an allergic reaction. It's a 4-pack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 873

You deserved it 1 049

This is a low

By Anonymous - 19/05/2017 17:08

Today, I hit a new low in my diet. There was a danish sitting on the table in the break room at work, and I wanted it. At the end of day, one of the guys threw it into the dumpster. Guess who just ate a dumpster danish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 492

You deserved it 5 612

By Melonn3105 - 14/08/2017 21:45 - Brunei

Today, I've finally gathered the courage to tell someone I have schizophrenia. My ex-friends found about it and decided to make fun of me for it by saying that "maybe I have an attention seeking disorder too" and spreading it among our peers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 574

You deserved it 268

By Late marriage - 24/08/2017 20:00 - Australia

Today, my husband was 45 minutes late to our wedding reception. Later, when I asked him why, he said, "I was playing Legend of Zelda and had to finish my quest." He thinks this is an eligible excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 077

You deserved it 999

By Jessie - 22/08/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 348

By Anonymous - 01/11/2017 21:00 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I woke up duct-taped to the toilet in nothing but a straitjacket. I don't remember what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 474

You deserved it 2 048

By Anonymous - 24/10/2017 06:00

Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 597

You deserved it 7 211

Oops.

By Anonymous - 20/06/2018 05:00 - Canada - Thornhill

Today, I came back from my prom and no one was home. I took off my dress, panties, and bra, grabbed the cake I'm not supposed to eat, and went to watch Walking Dead in the living room. My family was there already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 5 215

Hobbies and Interests

By Hireme - 08/07/2018 01:30

Today, after being unemployed for the last year, I finally got an interview. When they asked me my favorite pastime, I panicked and said, "Dancing with my cat." I guess I won’t be hearing from them anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 595

You deserved it 1 131

By Noname - 28/01/2009 12:13 - United States

Today, I woke up at 5:15, snow blowed and salted the driveway for over an hour, left early and drove an hour on shitty roads just to get to work on time only to be laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 922

You deserved it 1 884

By blahmina - 23/01/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I had to walk home from school in the rain, because my mom "didn't have a car to pick me up in". But when I got home, the car had magically appeared. Just great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 900

You deserved it 2 380

Bummer

By Plush - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, a work colleague announced that she's organising a bit of a party. She then said, in front of everyone, that I'm not invited, to "avoid ruining the vibe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 682

You deserved it 2 850

By Anonymous - 09/11/2018 03:00 - Bulgaria - Plovdiv

Today, my girlfriend and I went hiking in the mountains. She didn't tell me that she had packed meat to cook in my bag. About two hours after we set out, a wolf attacked me but I pepper sprayed it and it ran off. After that my girlfriend looked at me and said "You didn't have to hurt the doggy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 476

You deserved it 360

By IDon’tKnowAnymore - 02/12/2018 14:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and then going to her place, not only did she not want sex, she also wanted me to leave and told me she never wanted to see me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 435

You deserved it 1 283

By disgusted - 13/12/2015 07:45 - United States - Logan

Today, I confessed to my coworker that I'm interested in her romantically. She turned me down, saying that I'm a great guy, but that she basically doesn't want mixed-race children. She said she isn't racist, though, so I guess it's all okay, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 939

You deserved it 3 345

By ElectroSpecter - 23/02/2019 14:00

Today, I went to get a haircut. I have a pretty bad case of dandruff, so whenever I get one, a lot of it shows. My hairstylist called to her nearby friend twice, then looked at my hair and said, "Blech" under her breath. I got glares when I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 470

By Iamleftout - 24/12/2016 23:18

Today, I went to a Christmas party to visit family. Dinner time came around and I sat down at the table to eat. All of the food either had nuts or meat. I am allergic to nuts and I've been a vegetarian for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 408

You deserved it 2 349

Iamleftout tells us more.

Iamleftout 1

Sunday 25 December 2016 0:19

If you have any questions or want further details please let me know and I'll try to reply to all the comments.

Oh no!

By AnnoyedandAutistic - 01/06/2017 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were eating breakfast at my strict Christian grandparent's house when he said that it was impossible for anyone bigger than a grapefruit to be swallowed by a whale. My grandmother asked him, "What about Jonah?" to which he replied, "Oh, that's just a myth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 038

You deserved it 662

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Photography Mysterious Neighbours Cute Relatable Family Love Intimacy NSFW Sex Mental health Ironic Embarrassing Haircut Money YouTube Wake up Messy DIY Awkward Cheating Kids Pregnancy Birthday Animals Cats Kittens Dogs Parenting

The Top

Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 898

You deserved it 2 210

Today, I went to the hospital for a scan. The tech went wide-eyed and stared at his screen in horror before realizing I could see him. He wouldn't tell me what he saw, apparently only my doctor is allowed to do that. So now I have to wait for god knows how long to get my results back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 108

You deserved it 1 696

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 744

You deserved it 4 603

Today, I'm a hotel housekeeper. I was warned by the manager that one of the rooms was "horrible." When I got to said room, I understood: what he meant; it looked as though it was raided by a drunken caveman. It took my friend and I almost an hour to clean it up completely. At least the "caveman" left a $2.00 tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 122

Today, I was in the check out line at a store when I thought I recognized the guy behind me from high school. I turned and said, “Oh my God, Mark?” He said, “No.” To make it worse, my brain short-circuited and I said, “Are you sure?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 334

Today, I found out the man (M 43) that I’ve (F 32) been seeing on and off for 5 or 6 years secretly got married two weeks ago. He was even at my job for an event a week ago and didn’t even tell me. This man took my first kiss and virginity. I even provided emotional support when his aunt and sister passed from cancer. Absolutely blindsided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 111