The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By je_regrette_tout - 09/03/2013 18:50 - France - Livry-gargan

Spicy

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 223

You deserved it 66 291

By Kevin - 10/03/2010 08:39 - Canada

Today, my parents took my laptop, cut the Internet, took my car keys and TV, and removed my bedroom door. Why? Because they thought the plant I was growing for my science project was a marijuana plant. Oh yeah, they took that too. My presentation is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 512

You deserved it 2 808

By Anonymous - 11/09/2012 07:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in a mall bathroom when two girls started making out in the stall next to me. Before I could leave, they got really into it and caused our shared wall to tear from its hinges and collapse on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 304

You deserved it 3 077

By The Joker? - 31/07/2011 06:17 - United States

Today, two guys proclaiming that they were both Batman attacked me on the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 911

You deserved it 3 472

By kggggg - 12/08/2010 11:00 - United States

Today, while at my friend's house, I noticed her brother had a bit of an accent. I laughingly said "Is it me or does your little brother have an accent?" She stared and replied with "No, he has autism." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 796

You deserved it 47 417

By hating labels - 23/10/2012 08:21 - Australia

Today, at breakfast, my sister labelled me a "feminist." My whole family now refuses to talk to me for more than 30 seconds, and acts as though I have an incurable, highly contagious disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 961

You deserved it 5 494

Desperate for D

By sadsadperson - 07/09/2011 08:51 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I lied to my diary about getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 944

You deserved it 30 907

By Anonymous - 15/04/2014 16:37 - United States - Erie

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 890

You deserved it 10 073

By NoPainNoGain - 17/09/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. Apparently the medicines don't work on me. I woke up in the middle of the surgery and felt EVERYTHING. One of the nurses asked if I was okay, and the doctor just kept saying "Don't worry she's just dreaming", while tears were pouring down my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 442

You deserved it 2 609

Full support

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 23:42 - Canada

Today, I told my parents I wanted to try modelling. I thought that since I have such a low self-esteem, that it might benefit me, and make me feel better about myself and how I look. The first thing out of my dad's mouth was, "What? Why? You're ugly." Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 233

You deserved it 7 506

Kinky

By whatever - 23/03/2009 06:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was on a third date with a girl. Things had been going really well. At one point, the conversation lulled. After a moment of silence, she asked me what my greatest fantasy was. I told her that it was being a superhero. She told me that she meant sexual fantasy. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 769

You deserved it 67 886

You kinda deserved that one

By hlev24 - 03/03/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any. I then tripped. Not only spilling the soda I was drinking all over myself, but also spilling the spare change I had from buying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 188

You deserved it 110 110

By puggles - 03/01/2011 06:52 - United States

Today, I found out that my beautiful engagement ring is a remake of the late Princess Diana's engagement ring. I also found out my fiancé bought it from an infomercial, for $19.95. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 672

You deserved it 7 779

By pizzafreak18 - 21/06/2010 14:21 - United States

Today, I went into the store where my boyfriend works. I saw him talking to a customer, his back was facing me, so I went up and smacked his butt. Turns out it wasn't him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 080

You deserved it 55 012

By Anonymous - 18/09/2011 21:24 - United States

Today, I was kicked in the crotch. The girl who did it thought I was her ex-boyfriend. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 423

You deserved it 4 455

By me - 19/05/2012 02:41 - United States - Wyandotte

Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 159

You deserved it 5 553

By Anonymous - 30/04/2014 05:17 - United States - Muncy

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 859

You deserved it 6 171

Can't take the heat?

By moron - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped my hair straightener. The good news is I caught it. The bad news is I caught it by the iron itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 764

You deserved it 7 632

Star Wars brain

By cl4ptp - 14/08/2012 12:17 - United Kingdom - Barry

Spicy

Today, after sex, my boyfriend and I lay in bed for a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice for post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 260

You deserved it 7 706

By Ashley - 07/09/2010 16:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex for the first time when my 4 year old sister walked in. She thought we were making a dog pile, so just as soon as my boyfriend was about to finish, she jumped on his back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 614

You deserved it 25 317

By Anonymous - 21/09/2009 14:26 - France

Spicy

Today, I learned that "Je suis excité" does not mean "I'm excited" in French. It means "I'm sexually excited"... more or less. I've been doing a lot of exciting things and using it a lot the past two weeks. With my French friends, people I meet, and especially with my host family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 887

You deserved it 14 399

By MikeNick - 17/12/2011 07:59 - United States

Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 727

You deserved it 9 804

By Anonymous - 29/08/2013 18:12 - United States - Mount Clemens

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 829

You deserved it 6 561

By siikman313 - 12/09/2011 21:37 - United States

Today, my mom put me in an anger management class because I said "crap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 613

You deserved it 3 947

By sandwichmaker - 17/07/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, while working at Subway, a man ordered a sub with avocado. When I told him it was no longer available, he screamed, spit in my face and ran out, pushing over an innocent bystander in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 755

You deserved it 3 425

By Confused - 23/03/2012 15:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 161

You deserved it 5 430

By lilbit - 26/08/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, while at an amusement park my husband left me to walk with all of our friends because he said that I moved too slow. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 041

You deserved it 6 161

lilbit09 tells us more.

lilbit09 0

Thursday 27 August 2009 15:16

ok...first...this trip had been planned by our church almost a year in advance, so everyone already had their tickets to go. second...there were about 5 other people in our group that didn't like riding rollar coasters so we all went on the boat rides and the train rides, and to the shows. third...my options were go to the amusement park and hang out with friends all day, or sit at the office for half the day and then go home by myself and do nothing. fourth...i don't understand how deciding to have a child with your husband makes you a ****. can anyone explain that to me? oh, and by the way being pregnant may make you slow, but it doesnt make you boring. boring would have been staying at the house doing nothing all day.

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 15:44 - Canada - Sydney

Today, while buying paint, I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told me what a nice young lady I was. Then her boss came over, screamed at her for being lazy and fired her. She cried. So did I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 610

You deserved it 3 326

By goldie09 - 18/02/2010 17:36 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 820

You deserved it 5 236

By FirstKiss - 13/07/2009 15:00 - Canada

Today, I had my first kiss at a party. Later, I was told that the guy had been dared to kiss the ugliest girl in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 789

You deserved it 6 678

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 340

You deserved it 6 548

Today, my friend peed her pants while we were sledding. I could feel it trickling down into my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 552

You deserved it 2 927

Today, I discovered my girlfriend stealing from my bank account. She thought she was smart by disguising her transfers as 'GAS BILL' or 'NETFLIX BILL'. Um, Netflix doesn’t cost £100 a month, and BILL is spelt with two Ls, not three. Reported for fraud; got my money back; single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 109

Today, in health class we were watching a documentary about anxiety. My teacher asked if any of us often feel anxious. I was too anxious to raise my hand, and went into a minor panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 469

You deserved it 4 824

Today, I found multiple dating apps in my boyfriend's phone, hidden in a folder with his calculator and calendar. His excuse? He said he was never going to meet up with any of them, he just needed to have a back-up plan. We have been together for five years and live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 137

Today, I was sitting with a friend who moved back into town, and he told me about how he hooked up with a girl at a bar last night. I asked him if she was hot, he responded "Yeah, I have a picture of her on my phone." It was a picture of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 417

You deserved it 2 924