The Top

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The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I won employee of the month. I was then fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 840

You deserved it 7 019

By Iamfurios - 12/12/2016 18:43

Today one of my flatmates told the rest of us to stop using the toilet after 10pm cause he's a light sleeper and the flushing noise wakes him up. After arguing about it, he gave us his 'permission' to use the toilet, but only if we don't flush until the next day. Guess who is always the first to wake up? FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 563

You deserved it 720

By coward - 03/10/2015 10:13 - United Kingdom

Today, after 4 days of avoiding me and screening his calls, my 24-year-old boyfriend sent his mother to break up with me on his behalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 813

You deserved it 2 037

By anonymous - 04/09/2016 22:12 - United States - Morristown

Today, I discovered that in the three days I left my 18-year-old son in charge, my dog had gotten pregnant. When I confronted my son about it, he stated, "I don't want the reputation of being a cock-blocker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 915

You deserved it 4 106

By LoveLost - 09/07/2016 02:57

Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 300

You deserved it 2 803

Mixed feelings

By thefriedman - 12/02/2013 04:59 - United States - Perris

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 648

You deserved it 8 715

By humanalarmclock - 21/05/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend only asks me to come spend the night when he needs me to wake him up in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 440

You deserved it 4 003

Freedom

By notsoaloneanymore - 17/06/2016 04:32 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my parents left on vacation for the week. Taking advantage of my freedom, I was planning on having my boyfriend over. My grandparents just showed up as they "thought I would be lonely." I can't get rid of them. Looks like I'm not having any fun this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 097

You deserved it 3 193

TMI

By estranger - 03/01/2014 22:36 - United States

Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 211

You deserved it 3 735

By Anonymous - 08/01/2013 05:20 - United States

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 066

You deserved it 8 767

Heavy load

By SoulStormIV - 12/05/2016 03:03 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my obese dog for a walk, since she hasn't had one in a long time. She was doing great, until we were about a mile from our house. She plopped down on the ground and wouldn't move. Nobody was home so I had to carry her all the way back to our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 947

You deserved it 5 617

By AKN - 29/01/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my friend sent me the link to this website with a message that said, "You'll feel at home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 502

You deserved it 3 147

Run run run

By mad flyer - 21/02/2010 05:47 - France

Today, after my first flight landed late, I burned out my lungs sprinting full speed for 10 minutes to catch my next flight. The gate number on my ticket was wrong. It had been changed to one right next to where I had originally pulled up to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 635

You deserved it 3 807

By Gen - 16/12/2008 07:05 - France

Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 803

You deserved it 7 530

By StolenCarz - 09/03/2016 12:30 - United States - Asheville

Today, my friend and I were walking down my neighborhood when he joked that my car was being stolen when one that looked exactly like it passed. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 854

You deserved it 1 511

StolenCarz tells us more.

StolenCarz 6

Wednesday 9 March 2016 22:38

Was able to get it recovered, the perpetrator is now in jail :) thanks everyone

The Final Countdown

By Excalibur6669 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Parlin

Today, my sister is having a New Year's Eve party at our house. I'm not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 405

You deserved it 3 240

By maybenot - 06/08/2012 23:25 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst on a cycling holiday, in a somewhat hungover state, I accidentally chained my bike to the back of someone else's caravan. As I walked away, I heard a loud scraping noise. I turned around and watched my bike get dragged down a long gravel road and through a pile of horse shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 831

You deserved it 29 990

By hylianprincess - 25/09/2014 11:19 - United States

Today, my mother is so overdramatic that her response to finding out I lost a friend's book was that I should fake my own death rather than fess up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 714

You deserved it 3 276

By pooolth - 05/03/2012 03:17 - Ukraine

Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to get his point across, one of my students pulled out a gun and put it on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 124

Balls

By NotASportsGuy - 06/09/2015 12:46 - United States - Long Island City

Today, I started my new job. The first thing my coworkers asked me is what football team I like. When I told them I didn't really like sports, they immediately stopped talking to me and haven't since, even when I ask them work-related questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 813

You deserved it 2 783

Motivated

By Leah - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss gave me a speech about my "motivation issues". I've been working for him for 2 months, the commissions I've made for him paid off his bills, so what are my motivation issues? I turned down his offer of a date. I have a boyfriend. He keeps asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 284

You deserved it 2 705

By innocent cat lady - 07/07/2015 18:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend freaked out at me because he found a couple of orange hairs in my bed and he knows my ex is a redhead. He also knows I have two orange cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 211

You deserved it 2 478

Confused

By IDIOT - 28/03/2014 20:11 - United States

Today, a would-be customer practically kicked my store door in, then got pissed and started throwing around insults after I told him that we were still closed, hence the closed sign. He claimed the sign was "confusing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 679

You deserved it 3 283

By hairy - 25/02/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I told my boss I was bored of being a cashier and would rather go to food prep. He told me I couldn't because my arms were too hairy. I'm a sixteen year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 960

You deserved it 6 343

The smell test

By sosadstudent - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 121

You deserved it 4 470

Way to beat the "weird dad" allegations

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 301

You deserved it 3 301

By Animal cruelty - 19/02/2015 13:46 - Australia

Today, I was off from school because of an extremely bad barking cough. My neighbours called the police because apparently my cough sounds like someone torturing an animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 177

You deserved it 2 379

By Tomtom - 17/11/2008 05:04 - France

Today, I put on the same jeans that I had left in a bundle in my bedroom the day before. A few hours later, my boxer shorts decided to make their spectacular reappearance trick at the bottom of my leg in the middle of one of my meetings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 104

You deserved it 11 628

Freakout

By meee - 13/01/2010 00:55 - United States

Today, I noticed there was a red truck following me. I walked as fast as I could. I then ran. It followed. I slipped on some ice and fell. I was unable to get up. It stopped beside me and the driver got out. I then said hello to my husband's new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 545

You deserved it 23 558

By Anonymous - 25/06/2009 02:06 - Canada

Today, I was visiting my friend's new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughter's. I'm a 37 year old male. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 778

You deserved it 7 395

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The Top

Today, I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover. She couldn't find my eyelash curler, but decided that if she used scissors lightly, it would work just the same. Needless to say, it did not work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 496

You deserved it 30 907

Today, MS Word kept crashing with a memory error, so I called tech support. Instead of actually fixing the problem, their tech wasted over an hour of my time defragmenting the hard drive, disabling the anti-virus, and downloading new video card drivers from some shady site, before giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 216

You deserved it 3 352

Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 057

You deserved it 202

Today, I couldn't help but laugh at my girlfriend because she always becomes paranoid when she's around cars. I found her reaction cute and told her that "there's nothing to worry about". A car ran over me two hours later. I'm in a hospital now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 668

You deserved it 849

Today, my mum and I were moving the last of  my stuff into my new flat when I heard some creaking. The sound was  coming from the bathroom, so I went to check it out. As I stepped  through the door, the floor collapsed and the bathtub and I fell  right through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 940

You deserved it 124

Today, I found out that my bathroom electrical outlet has a feature unique from the others, where it turns off on it's own and has to be reset. I found this out after returning an electric toothbrush for a refund, then paying double for another one, thinking the first one's charger didn't work thanks to the outlet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 505