App

FMyLife

search






FMyLife FMyLife
search
​



    : 320



    Matt - 29/08/2010 04:53 - Canada

    Today, I took my date out for dinner to a seafood restaurant and she ordered expensive prawns. Later, when we had sex, she started to complain about her stomach hurting and then had diarrhea for hours. Great job prawns. FML
    32 825
    5 051
      

    Sicko - 28/08/2010 23:52 - France

    Today, it was really hot in my house so I pulled my shorts down so I was just in my boxers. My family and I were watching TV and I got a spontaneous erection. When I discreetly tried to pull my shorts back up, my penis flipped out of my boxers. FML
    39 987
    26 113
      

    JessykaB - 28/08/2010 05:49 - United States

    Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML
    29 916
    7 371
      

    Tu as compris ?

    gleefan116 - 28/08/2010 00:18 - United States

    Today, my girlfriend, who recently started French classes, and I were having sex. Knowing how whispering in my ear turns me on, she whispered something in French, and I came. Later I found out it meant something like, "You should lose a lot of weight." FML
    33 645
    9 074
      

    yeah - 27/08/2010 23:16 - United Kingdom

    Today, my girlfriend and I were role playing when her mum walked past the slightly open door, saw me, and chased me out of the house for stealing her baby's innocence. I was only wearing a red speedo. FML
    14 794
    38 990
      

    Anonymous - 27/08/2010 12:23 - United Kingdom

    Today, my girlfriend asked me how big the Sun would be compared to the Earth. I didn't have anything on me to help demonstrate, so to imitate the Earth, I made a small hole with my index finger and thumb and said "Okay, imagine a ball this small." She then looked at my crotch. FML
    29 941
    12 711
      

    Freaky

    Anonymous - 27/08/2010 09:15 - United States

    Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML
    46 977
    5 025
      

    Stuck on you

    Eeeek - 26/08/2010 21:17 - Bulgaria

    Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML
    14 138
    52 986
      

    H8TR - 26/08/2010 13:32 - United States

    Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML
    16 652
    54 230
      

    fmylife - 26/08/2010 10:09 - Malaysia

    Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML
    9 889
    69 089
      

    Envy

    Anonymous - 26/08/2010 08:15 - United States

    Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML
    37 292
    13 126
      

    Hi!

    AlexaSt2611 - 25/08/2010 00:08 - Paraguay

    Today, I was enjoying a nice shower in the morning. While I was massaging the shampoo out of my hair, I saw the gardener walking past my bathroom window, yelling "Good morning" and waving in my direction. My left boob politely waved back at him. FML
    16 559
    28 431
      

    Not now!

    XxDiabolikalXx - 24/08/2010 07:30 - France

    Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
    36 865
    4 342
      

    Anonymous - 24/08/2010 07:29 - United States

    Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML
    37 441
    7 171
      

    chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

    Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
    34 531
    11 084
      

    It's a trap!

    Ahook1 - 23/08/2010 23:31 - Australia

    Today, I discovered that my infertile girlfriend, who I have been having unprotected sex with for the past two months, is apparently very fertile. FML
    20 417
    54 358
      

    diesel444 - 23/08/2010 05:05 - United States

    Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML
    36 863
    23 205
      

    Creeped out

    shawty - 22/08/2010 12:14 - Australia

    Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML
    52 233
    6 480
      

    Freak

    jemstuff - 22/08/2010 06:28 - United States

    Today, at work, I stopped in my boss/boyfriend's office to find him getting intimate with a girl. He then told me that yes, he's cheating on me, that he's dumping me, and that I'm fired. Oh, and he is keeping the cat. FML
    43 209
    6 602
      

    ananomus - 22/08/2010 04:26 - United States

    Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML
    35 256
    5 935
      

    jessiegirl - 22/08/2010 03:32 - United States

    Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML
    45 246
    6 513
      

    mc_dreamy - 21/08/2010 16:49 - United States

    Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML
    52 679
    16 057
      

    carwife - 21/08/2010 04:13 - Canada

    Today, at a family dinner, my new husband compared deciding to marry me to buying a used car. Some of the similarites included looking under the hood and finding out how many previous owners there were. FML
    33 669
    7 653
      

    pathetic - 20/08/2010 09:51 - United States

    Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML
    25 712
    29 899
      

    Sara246 - 19/08/2010 23:11 - Canada

    Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, he asked which girl I'd found out about. FML
    42 768
    3 686
      

    captainocd - 19/08/2010 19:16 - United States

    Today, my incredibly self conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML
    11 663
    85 200
      

    Anonymous - 19/08/2010 11:53 - Australia

    Today, mine and my boyfriend's concerns that we are too loud in bed were definitely confirmed when his entire family stopped the movie they were watching and vacated the cinema room located directly below us. They returned and resumed a while after we were finished. FML
    8 913
    36 863
      

    Anonymous - 19/08/2010 06:32 - Australia

    Today, my girlfriend of a year exclaimed "Oh my god!" for the first time during sex. Nope, I haven't improved in bed, I recently moved a TV into my room and something exciting happened on the show she was watching. FML
    30 507
    13 748
      

    Jordid - 19/08/2010 04:12 - United States

    Today, my Mom felt the need to walk around school and tell everyone to be nice to me because I just started my period. FML
    62 818
    4 206
      

    XxMe123xx - 19/08/2010 00:51 - France

    Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML
    39 603
    10 966
      
    • 201
    • 202
    • 203
    • 204
    • 205
    • 206
    • 207
    • 208
    • 209
    • 210

    Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home
    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, I was doing my makeup. Halfway through, I asked my SO what he thought of it, as I was working on a new eyeshadow technique. He said my eyeshadow looked great, but that, "One eyebrow is up here and the other is down there," and that I should fix it. I hadn't done my eyebrows yet. That's just where they are. FML
    828
    172
    Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML
    38 493
    12 804
    Today, my parents blew my entire college fund in their quest to finish building their replica Hobbit house in our back yard. FML
    64 869
    6 331
    Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see better with them. She replied, "Oh, yeah, you've got two big zits on your nose!" FML
    22 051
    2 641
    Today, I watched a tutorial video on YouTube. In the video, the guy had several apps with 50+ red notification dots on them, and it bothered me so much that I couldn’t even finish the video. I couldn’t find a single other video that could help me with my particular issue. FML
    456
    768
    Today, I’m so ugly, I had to pay for more likes on Tinder because I ran out of them. FML
    601
    369

    © VDM SAS,

    ​