App

FMyLife

search






FMyLife FMyLife
search
​



    : 320



    Anonymous - 13/10/2010 13:20 - Spain

    Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
    41 919
    23 301
      

    Practical

    Abused - 13/10/2010 08:36 - Australia

    Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML
    25 925
    20 161
      

    fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

    Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
    51 993
    9 102
      

    Anonymous - 12/10/2010 05:46 - United States

    Today, I called my mom for her birthday. She started talking about an infomercial she'd seen for a combo bidet-and-dryer, and how she would like to get one so she can feel "fresh down there" without worrying about getting bits of toilet paper on her nether regions. I can't un-hear this. FML
    29 034
    3 104
      

    Hello? Hello?

    Anonymous - 12/10/2010 05:16 - United States

    Today, I learned that my boyfriend has narcolepsy when we were having sex and he passed out on top of me. FML
    31 630
    4 098
      

    tdiz - 12/10/2010 04:48 - Canada

    Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML
    27 915
    3 577
      

    Anonymous - 11/10/2010 10:50 - United States

    Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML
    33 531
    9 844
      

    I'll just hang out I guess

    jailbirdlove - 11/10/2010 01:38 - United States

    Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML
    42 909
    4 328
      

    Dilly - 10/10/2010 20:29 - United Kingdom

    Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML
    29 857
    9 303
      

    Anonymous - 09/10/2010 05:15 - New Zealand

    Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML
    35 292
    9 791
      

    mster233 - 09/10/2010 03:29 - United States

    Today, I found out that my parents like rough sex. I found the whip and handcuffs. FML
    33 379
    5 845
      

    Anonymous - 08/10/2010 12:01 - United States

    Today, after me and my boyfriend had pretty much amazing sex, he took off the condom and started swinging it back and forth, all while making the sounds of a clock and saying, "You are getting sleepy." FML
    32 503
    6 773
      

    Anonymous - 07/10/2010 23:45 - United States

    Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
    11 611
    34 662
      

    Remember the parking brake - 06/10/2010 23:41 - United States

    Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML
    10 177
    37 217
      

    Anonymous - 06/10/2010 23:18 - Canada

    Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
    10 689
    38 582
      

    What's wrong with me?

    Anonymous - 06/10/2010 08:30 - Netherlands

    Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said, "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML
    39 914
    3 788
      

    I don't get paid enough for this

    Anonymous - 05/10/2010 09:41 - United States

    Today, I was at work on a smoke break. I work at a truck stop, and it was around 2 a.m. Some old man pulled in and asked me if I would like to join him for some dinner. I said no, and told him I was working. He replied, "How much do you charge?" Apparently, even in sweats I look like a hooker. FML
    34 385
    6 726
      

    Anonymous - 05/10/2010 00:47 - United States

    Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML
    11 750
    61 903
      

    Anonymous - 04/10/2010 04:04 - United States

    Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML
    60 099
    6 228
      

    Who the f***?

    Anonymous - 04/10/2010 02:04 - United States

    Today, I woke up to find out I'd had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything because apparently I talked throughout my dream, and she was right next to me listening. FML
    34 950
    5 951
      

    Skin deep

    EffinAhole - 03/10/2010 04:27 - France

    Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML
    13 116
    36 983
      

    Anonymous - 03/10/2010 01:34 - United States

    Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML
    32 555
    9 583
      

    Username - 03/10/2010 00:12 - France

    Today, my boyfriend wanted to prove how honest he is so he showed me numerous texts in his phone where he told other women he was in a relationship before asking them to sleep with him. FML
    35 637
    3 366
      

    Turn off

    seriously - 02/10/2010 20:31 - United States

    Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML
    32 946
    4 454
      

    Cursed

    Anonymous - 02/10/2010 13:12 - Australia

    Today, I was at the beach with my parents. They were walking hand in hand, when they spotted a crab. My Dad turned to my Mum and said, "Oh, must've crawled out of my pubes!" they both laughed and kissed. I don't think they realized I was within hearing distance. FML
    35 962
    3 870
      

    Romance ain't dead

    rawr101 - 02/10/2010 06:25 - Australia

    Today, I got a text from my ex, "I miss you." I was happy to hear this, so I replied, "Really?" I got in return, "Not really, I'm just really horny and thinking of you." FML
    34 981
    5 839
      

    Anonymous - 02/10/2010 04:28 - United States

    Today, I got a little too drunk and confessed to my fiancé, the love of my life, that I've been faking my orgasms all along. I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML
    11 457
    41 350
      

    Tanned

    caughtorangehanded - 01/10/2010 22:12 - United States

    Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
    20 943
    46 355
      

    canispankthat - 01/10/2010 11:07 - United States

    Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML
    32 761
    4 881
      

    Anonymous - 01/10/2010 09:45 - Canada

    Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML
    47 289
    5 158
      
    • 198
    • 199
    • 200
    • 201
    • 202
    • 203
    • 204
    • 205
    • 206
    • 207

    Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home
    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, it's my birthday. My boss's birthday is 5 days away. Instead of wishing me happy birthday, the staff decided to surprise my boss with an early gift. We also had to take a picture of him with everyone. I work at another branch alone, and had to post the picture to social media. Happy Birthday to me, I guess. FML
    934
    112
    Today, my only day off this week, my cat decided that she wanted feeding at 5am and wouldn’t stop meowing till I filled up her bowl. She then refused to eat it. FML
    3 955
    744
    Today, I was waiting for my wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shirts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in my youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML
    28 569
    4 848
    Today, I was yet again chastised for using a wheelchair, since, "Obesity isn't a disability." I'm 46 with lipedema, and lost my ability to walk 13 years ago. FML
    938
    170
    Today, my little sister walked in on me and my boyfriend. I told her I would give her 10$ if she just pretended it never happened. She agreed, walked out and shut the door. Later, when my parents arrived, she yells: "Nicole and Joe were naked upstairs!" FML
    26 587
    20 776
    Today, it's job interview day. In the elevator on the way there, I overheard potential candidates talking about the boss of the company, mocking his alleged lack of credibility. Who's the boss? Me. They don't know that yet. FML
    596
    65

    © VDM SAS,

    ​