Your everyday life stories

Anonymous - 20/05/2016 06:10 - United States - Bellevue

Today, I was supposed to go on a movie date with a guy I met about a month ago and when it was time for me to go meet him at the movies, he just stopped responding to my texts and blocked me on all social media for no reason at all. FML

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diaper time...? - 20/05/2016 04:37 - United States - Bloomington

Today, the babysitter informed me that she "couldn't" change my two-year-old's diaper today because "your daughter wouldn't stop screaming long enough for me to get close." FML

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Not a ghost - 20/05/2016 04:24 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my mother called to wish me a happy birthday. Except it's my sister's birthday. My sister who died in a car accident three years ago. FML

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lfloyd0504 - 20/05/2016 02:19 - United States - Summerfield

Today, when my class was about to start the AP Microeconomics exam, our teacher confessed that he had accidentally switched his Macro and Micro classes all semester and taught us macroeconomics. I sat in horror as I watched the valedictorian draw hand turkeys on the essay questions. FML.

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eternally damned - 20/05/2016 01:56 - United States - Collierville

Today, I punched a kid that has been bullying me for five years. I busted his lip. Guess who's suspended for finally standing up for themselves? FML.

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saddaymr.turtle - 20/05/2016 01:47 - United States - Beechgrove

Today, my mom and dad went for a walk to get some exercise. When they came back, they'd decided it was time to separate. FML

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Black sheep - 20/05/2016 01:01 - Canada - Vernon

Today, my Dad asked me to consider moving out so he and his new fiance could strengthen their relationship. It turns out this was just an excuse to get rid of me, because his fiance' and her kids don't like me. Her kids moved in after I moved out. FML.

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alazye20 - 20/05/2016 00:05 - United States

Today, almost two weeks after teacher appreciation week, I received several gifts cards from one of my students and her mother. After calling to check the amount on each one, it confirmed that every card has a zero balance! Apparently, the mother must think that I've done nothing for her child. FML

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JustTrynaLearn - 19/05/2016 23:54 - United States - Pharr

Today, some wonderful human being stole my Amazon package from my porch. Unless they're trying to learn Japanese, I doubt they'll find the $40 kanji dictionary software I bought very useful. FML

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Mililegs - 19/05/2016 23:33 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I took 3 fibre caplets, a laxative and shoved a suppository up my butt. I've been constipated for a week STRAIGHT and bowels have started aggressively moving (gas included) as i'm boarding a plane for a 5 hour flight. FML

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Shithappens1020 - 19/05/2016 23:08 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I found out my father and I both hate taking scorching hot showers when my mom decided to tell me about them showering together. FML

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FmlContinously - 19/05/2016 23:00 - United States - Memphis

Today, my five year old daughter told me the music I like is just "noise". FML

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I'lldeckya? - 19/05/2016 22:37 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I got attacked on social media. In my bio, I had put "LAUREN I SEE YOU". I was talking about my friend Lauren. I got a message from another person that was named Lauren. She happened to be lurking on my account and saw my bio. Her friends have threatened to find me and "deck me". FML.

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anonymous - 19/05/2016 22:30 - United States - Houston

Today, I was petting my cat when all of sudden I felt something in my eye. I went to look in the mirror expecting to find a place of cat hair or an eyelash. Nope. It was a flea. FML

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Ash-o - 19/05/2016 22:29 - United States - Melrose Park

Today, I realized the empty cup in my room I've been putting all the money I've made from serving in the last couple weeks WASN'T totally empty. Just spent 10 minutes washing $500 in 20's with soap and water. They were suspiciously slimy which leads me to believe the cup wasnt full of water... FML.

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Anonymous - 19/05/2016 21:58

Today, I experienced Newtons lesser known 4th Law of Motion "a student in bed will remain in bed unless acted upon by a large enough panic". By that I mean I remembered I have a 10,000 word essay due in 14 hours and so far I've only written my name and half the introductory paragraph. FML

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9000bees - 19/05/2016 21:44 - United States - Bastrop

Today I went to play laser tag. It was really fun, until it was time to leave. I confused the normal exit door with the fire exit. FML

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PeppermintPenny - 19/05/2016 21:28 - Germany - Munich

Today, I tried to use a menstrual cup for the first time. It took me half an hour to get it back out. FML

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DabDayz - 19/05/2016 21:08 - United States - Canonsburg

Today at work I had a group of gentlemen sat in my section, I realized I had gone to school with them all. After I ran back and forth for them, they thanked me for my service and insured a great tip. Later after cleaning off their table they left me a dollar.

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credit cards are better than money - 19/05/2016 20:58 - United States - Wheaton

Today, I found out that I have everything needed to buy a house except preexisting debt. FML

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SaveEdit - 19/05/2016 20:54 - United States - Irving

Today, I was vacuuming my car out at a busy car wash, when the machine's automated voice kept repeating "Ow, don't hit me. Vandalism is a crime." FML

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Anonymous - 19/05/2016 19:58 - United States

Today, while playing Undertale, I tried to explain to my younger sibling that yes, we each have a skeleton in our own body. He didn't take it well. He's 16 years old. FML

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scholarship woes - 19/05/2016 19:51 - United States - Lexington

Today, I was awarded a sizable scholarship. Problem is I have to go to a long awards ceremony tonight to receive it, but if I go, I won't be able to finish a big project that I have been working on, and my grade will dip enough that the scholarship will be revoked. FML.

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BadLuck - 19/05/2016 17:46 - United States

Today, I went to a fancy party wearing a vintage dress. I got a lot of compliments on my dress and bragged about how I'd also worn it to my high school prom. My dress ended up taring up the back revealing my butt to the whole party. The party was on a boat so I couldn't even go home early. FML

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Unlucky Uncle - 19/05/2016 17:18 - United States - Coweta

Today, I went to a wedding, with hundreds of people, of a not-well-known relative. As I started a conversation with someone I did not recognize, I said "so who's the bastard tying the knot." Turns out that not only was it him, it was enough to push him to cancel the wedding. FML

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IdioticPerson - 19/05/2016 17:16 - Norway - Skjetten

Today we had a test at school. The teacher used my working sheet with my answers on and told everyone it was mine, then telling everyone every answer that was wrong. The whole class laughed each time along with my teacher. FML

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Tanit94 - 19/05/2016 17:05 - United Kingdom - Maidenhead

Today, I ordered £20 worth of takeaway just to get for the dessert a strawberry cheesecake that I've been craving for a week. The delivery comes in, I'm so excited, I put everything on the table and go to the bathroom for 2 minutes. When I came back where was my cheesecake? In my dog's stomach. FML

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mr. lame - 19/05/2016 17:03 - United States - Cleveland

Today, after finally getting a girlfriend for the first time ever, I woke up. FML

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eyebrowss - 19/05/2016 16:56 - Australia - Mooroolbark

Today, I found out that at the age of 21, i need a hip replacement due to servere arthritis. FML.

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InsipidPotatoes - 19/05/2016 16:55 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I wonder why my kitten did not respond to her name, which is Alice. She does respond to vagina though. Thanks sis. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend broke up with me. She immediately asked if it was because I didn't put out. I'm 15. FML

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Today, the man who stole my laptop at the train station yesterday used the contact information I had written on it to call me and ask for the password. FML

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So, can you figure out what happens next?

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Today, I found out that my over-controlling parents would be moving in next door. I'm almost 23, and moved 5,365 km away to get away from them. FML

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Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML

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Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

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