Your everyday life stories

lockedout - 20/05/2016 17:21 - United States - Laguna Niguel

Today, I woke up to my mom pounding at our front door at 7 in the morning. I thought this was weird because she was home when I got home last night so she should have a key. Turns out, I was too baked to notice she wasn't home and I locked her out all night. Now she's mad. FML

han1717 - 20/05/2016 16:49 - United States - Littleton

Today, what started with a dream about playing soccer, ended with me kicking the wall by my bed at full strength. FML

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aubs - 20/05/2016 16:23 - United States - Calabasas

Today my brother got his 5th grade project back that my mom forced me to do for him. He got a C-. FML

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cgmack - 20/05/2016 16:10 - United States - Asheville

Today, I went to print my essay that I spent two months on. After accessing my files, I tried to find my essay and found that it wasn't there. Freaking out, I realized that I accidentally overrode my essay with another file with the same name. The essay is due in less than two hours. FML

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SallySnowflake - 20/05/2016 14:24 - United States - Bronx

Today, I woke up and stumbled half asleep to the bathroom. I was about to sit down when I head a scratching noise from the toilet. I turned around and found myself staring at a wet rat who must have come up the drain. I am now scared to sit on a toilet. FML

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really? - 20/05/2016 14:11 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I called into work becuase my dad was rushed to the hopital. My manager said I was lying because I wanted to 'start my weekend early.' I wasn't but thanks. FML

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blue balled - 20/05/2016 14:04 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I'm on vacation with a woman I've liked for years. We had amazing sex the first two days, then she met another guy. Guess who lost his bed to sleep in for 4 more days. FML

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bad guy - 20/05/2016 14:04 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, after talking to an attorney about my divorce and letting him know I had been nice with sharing custody of my children, I was told I have to take the children away from their father completely in order to get any sort of assistance from the father. I have to tell the kids. FML

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Worstvacationever - 20/05/2016 13:55 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I started a 5 day vacation in Florida with my girlfriend. She decides to tell me once we get to the hotel that she no longer loves me and sees me better as a friend. FML

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OnyxParadox - 20/05/2016 13:50 - United States - Punta Gorda

Today, I had to put my wonderful dog in a shelter because when I went to renew my lease my landlord casually mentioned he'd be hiking up my rent by a few hundred dollars. The only place I can find to live on short notice doesn't allow animals, and no one I know could take care of him for me. FML

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cyndasaur - 20/05/2016 13:25 - United States - Livingston

Today, I was tending to my goats. I got felt a horrible pain, and to my dismay, there was a splinter under my finger nail. I had to try and remove it with a sewing needle. The splinter broke. My only hope is for it to be pushed out by nail growth. FML

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cheyluvsturtles - 20/05/2016 13:21 - United States - Merced

Today, My friend came into class and randomly decided to bite me hard enough to leave a bite marks that lasted till last period . I have now realized that this is the fifth time that specific friend has done this. It is becoming a reoccurring theme every morning. FML

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anonymous - 20/05/2016 13:04 - Australia - Oxenford

Today, I was working the dinner shift at the restaurant I work at, I was serving this table and everyone kept looking at me and cringing and some of them were even gagging. When I went back to the kitchen I had a look in the mirror and had the biggest booger ever hanging on the edge of my nose FML

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Surewhatever - 20/05/2016 12:55 - United States - Orlando

Today, I realized I have imaginary conversations when I am drunk. I drink a lot. Now I know why I've been getting all those strange looks. FML.

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Anonymous - 20/05/2016 12:49 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was playing tennis with friends and we were taking a break. I was talking to someone and suddenly I am on the ground in the worst pain I've ever been through in my life. One of the players thought it would be funny to hit a ball in our direction. It was a direct hit to my nuts.

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aconsultant - 20/05/2016 12:33 - India - New Delhi

Today, I caught my little sister masturbating. To a video of Justin Beiber. FML

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milliepede - 20/05/2016 11:45

Today, my pregnant sister has sent me 3 scan pictures and spent an hour telling me horror stories from her pregnancy so far. I'm tokophobic and the thought of pregnancy can cause panic attacks if she won't leave me alone. She finds this hilarious. FML

ifuckuprandomly - 20/05/2016 11:33 - United Kingdom - Ascot

Today, on my way to work on my motorbike, I was filtering through stop and go traffic when a cock-nostril decides to open up his door on me. I can't work now as I'm a barber and I have sprained my wrist badly. FML

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BadluckBriggette - 20/05/2016 11:19 - United States - Natick

Today, I made plans with my teacher. Not as a date or to help me with school. Instead we made plans on which day we'd wear our matching socks. FML

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dragoongirl90 - 20/05/2016 11:19 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, I have been sick for 18 years, I can't work, and I rarelt get a treat. My roommates (also disabled) bought me a cute new backpack purse. I was very excited about it. We went to Wal-Mart and when we came out, the door was unlocked and my new purse was gone. I never even got to use it. FML

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potatokid03 - 20/05/2016 10:58 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. He ended up pissing in my mouth. FML.

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Coffee - 20/05/2016 10:54 - United States - Havertown

Today my mom yelled at me because I was choking on a hard boiled egg and was too busy coughing my lungs out for 2 minutes straight to do what she said the moment she said it. FML

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EmpressIzzy - 20/05/2016 10:46 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - St Thomas

Today, my boyfriend of almost one year broke up with me because I was "trying to change him." All I did was motivate him to focus on school and follow his dreams of being a lawyer. I guess he didnt know what motivation was because, he never gets it from his family, but suddenly I am the bad guy. FML

oliviaromero_ - 20/05/2016 10:31 - United States - Boston

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and when I was just about to climax, he stopped then told me he was hungry and walked away. He saw nothing wrong or awkward about this. FML

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TheLifguard95 - 20/05/2016 10:18 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, whilst working for the golf and country club I work for. I was doing a changing room check to make sure all was well. What I wasn't prepared for was the naked man casually naked in the gents toilets, hands on hips, and peeing at will FML

engineerofmisery - 20/05/2016 09:34 - United Kingdom - Rochdale

Today, the only other civil engineer in the company left. Despite having been at the company for years, when I asked about becoming the Head of Civil Engineering the Directors laughed in my face. FML.

bluestripedsockm - 20/05/2016 09:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today I found out that I'm getting laid off. My mother's reaction to my bad news was to stress me out further by lecturing me on what can happen when you can't pay bills. FML

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wellshit - 20/05/2016 08:24 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I walked into the wrong funeral. FML

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ineffable888 - 20/05/2016 08:19 - Philippines - Manila

Today, my country's labor department increased the minimum wage to 491. Im at 500. I get taxed, they dont. FML

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zealous cellist - 20/05/2016 08:04 - United States - Redding

Today, my parents suggested I'm too young to date because "people your age don't really know who they are yet." I'm 22.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my wife changed her name back to her maiden name. Why? So people would stop asking questions about us. We have been married for 15 years. FML

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Today, I went on a date with a fun, attractive girl. She ordered off the kid's menu, drowned her food in ketchup, and said my burger with blue cheese and bacon was disgusting. FML

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Today, my scumbag son proposed to his sweetheart girlfriend with an engagement ring he stole off his sister's finger while she was in hospital unconscious after an epileptic fit. FML

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Today, a customer cussed me out for hiding behind the counter a jacket she's been "eyeing since it came out". She loudly exclaimed that she was going to report me to my manager and get me "fired." It was my personal jacket that we don't even sell. FML

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Today, I found out that my wife had been debating leaving me for an old boyfriend from high school. They rekindled their relationship on Facebook, and talking on the cell phone. Both things I insisted she have. FML

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Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML

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