Love

Nice guy

Anonymous - 23/09/2021 11:00

Today, I found out that I need a hysterectomy. When I told my boyfriend of 2 years, he broke up with me, because he didn't have time to "coddle my feelings". FML

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No plus ones

Partypoooped - 23/09/2021 01:59

Today, I invited my best friend of 15 years to my birthday party. He wants to bring his girlfriend of a year along, because she feels "threatened" by our friendship, and thinks "He’ll cheat." I'd already put the deposit for the venue and it costs $50 per additional guest. FML

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Statutory

I don't care if it was consented or not, I'm gonna whoop the shit out of this child-molesting fuck. - 22/09/2021 23:00

Today, my sister, who is now 19, gathered the guts to formally present her boyfriend to us. She was so concerned that my parents wouldn't let her have a boyfriend, she kept it a secret for 5 years. We were happy to hear it, until she presented him to us. He's a 35-year-old taxi driver. FML

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152

Some guys will hump anything

slschmidt - 22/09/2021 14:00 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, when asked for a second date, I had to explain to a man that I didn’t want to see him again, and that he should give women compliments and ask them questions when on a date. He then told me he only does that when his dates look good or say something interesting. He sure still tried to fuck me. FML

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Alexa, play "Don't Go" by Yazoo

nexus - 22/09/2021 04:00 - Papua New Guinea

Today, my girlfriend is on her period. She hugged me, crying because she was going to miss me. Where was I going? To the store down the street and back. FML

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Young love

loser - - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I asked the girl I sort of like as we were leaving class how her day was going so far. She said, "Great. Don't ruin it." FML

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First date, and probably the last

DrunkGirl - - France

Today, I went on a date with an awesome guy. I got super hammered and punched him in the face. FML

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Single life

AnonThoughts - 19/09/2021 17:00

Today, I'm single again, after my now ex attacked my best friend out of jealousy, forcing me to choose between 25 years of friendship and 3 months of a relationship. FML

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Classic

notacreeper -

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was, "Does she know?" FML

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Thanks Texas

Anonymous - 16/09/2021 10:59

Today, my boyfriend gave me an ultimatum: either get an abortion, or he’ll move out to go work for his brother, and good luck chasing him up for child support because his brother lives abroad. FML

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Not such a happy ending

JustJared - 15/09/2021 05:00

Today, I get to see my best friend and love of my life of two years marry the man she loves. Back then, I lied and told her I was gay to avoid her finding out my feelings for her. FML

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The single life

Anonymous - 14/09/2021 22:00 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me while I'm deployed overseas. Her reason why is that she needs "to be alone to better herself." FML

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Plans

Anonymous - 14/09/2021 02:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex asked me to take the kids for the day, which was odd as it's her weekend. My son let slip that she was getting ready for a surprise birthday party, but I wasn't supposed to know. As it's my birthday in 3 days, I was touched that she'd planned something. Turns out it's a surprise party for her new boyfriend. FML

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Narcissus

Anonymous - 13/09/2021 17:00

Today, my friend isn't speaking to me since I came out to her. Not because she's a homophobe, but because she's mortally offended that I didn't confess my love in the process. Seems that everyone who's attracted to women should be attracted to her. FML

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Not a fan

Cheri - 13/09/2021 13:59

Today, it’s my mom’s 65th birthday celebration. I have to share a room at the resort, table and car ride with my sister, who my ex-husband left me for and got pregnant. She tries to talk to me as if nothing ever happened, and my parents bitch me out for being upset at her. FML

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Not cool, not at all

dammed - - United States

Today, I got a text from my roommate asking me if it was cool that my ex was coming over to console him because he's sick. FML

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Compliments are tricky

Anonymous - 13/09/2021 08:00

Today, I told my boyfriend he's handsome, which I do often. Not everyday, but maybe once or twice a week. He got upset at me. He said it makes him feel uncomfortable. We've been together for 3 years and I still think he's the most handsome man I've ever seen. FML

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Marriage benefits

Anonymous - 10/09/2021 17:00

Today, my husband told me he’s gay, has a boyfriend and will be living with him, but he wants to stay married because it has good tax benefits, plus our joint mortgage, and if he comes out to his father he’ll be cut from the will. FML

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Tindersticks

noluckthere - 10/09/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and set all my stuff on fire. Why? Because she found my Tinder account. I haven’t even used it since I met her. FML

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Bye bye asshat

Sadbxtch - 09/09/2021 17:01

Today, my now-ex-fiance told me he’s leaving me for his pregnant coworker. The baby is his. The same coworker he assured me was just a "professional platonic friendship." Our wedding was set to be this Saturday. FML

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Sorry for asking…

volleyballgirl12 - - France

Today, my grandma told me to fuck off when I tried to help her with the dishes. FML

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Humblebrag

Jason - 09/09/2021 05:01

Today, I discovered that have large "parts" is not all it's cracked up to be, when the girl of my dreams broke up with me because, and I quote, "We tried everything and it just won't fit." FML

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She definitely heard

Anonymous - 09/09/2021 02:00

Today, I had to go to the mall for a quick errand. While there one of my friends who works at a phone booth was there and I stayed for a little bit chatting with him. While chatting, a girl passed by. She was so pretty that I blurted out, "What a woman!" out loud. Turns out it was my ex. FML

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And yet you have phone? Curious Andy

Nostalgia - 08/09/2021 20:01

Today, I packed up to get ready to move to my boyfriend’s. I just graduated high school and I don’t get along with his mom, but I have no other choice of living. I was supposed to move in with his family tomorrow but now his mom won’t let me. It was last minute, and I’m basically homeless. FML

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Taking liberties

Bernie - 07/09/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, my live-in mother-in-law gave away the family dog because it’s "one less mouth to feed." Last week, she "accidentally" threw away the mail, thinking it was junk mail. No matter how hard I try to convince my wife to kick her out, she tells me, "But that’s my mother, though." FML

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164

To catch a predator

not to blame - 07/09/2021 02:01

Today, my boyfriend’s family, whom I’ve known since I was in elementary school, now completely hate and blame me for "ruining their precious baby boy’s life." I'd called the police and reported him after finding out he cheated on me with not one, but several high school girls. We’re in our 30s. FML

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Heads up

nobueno - 06/09/2021 23:01

Today, my wife’s ex-boyfriend sent me a message with a screenshot of her trying to get in touch with him. FML

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Respect

it’s still cheating! - 05/09/2021 11:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my wife, who’s been a stay at home mom since our kids were born, hasn’t really been out looking for a day job since they’re old enough to be in school full time now. She has however been day-drinking and hooking up with the neighbor's wife. She insists she’s not gay, just experimenting. FML

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Missed connections

Anonymous - 05/09/2021 05:01 - United States - San Diego

Today, I found out the guy I had a huge crush on back in college, and still think of every day, actually did like me back. Except I’ve been married for nearly 8 years to someone else. FML

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Happy… where d'he go?

Lonely - 05/09/2021 04:59 - United States

Today, it's our fifth-year anniversary with my boyfriend. I gave him his gift and walked over to the kitchen to serve him some food I'd made. On my way back to the dining room, I overheard his plans with his friend to ditch me in 10 minutes. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, despite giving my sister a place to stay while she's in town for a funeral, she demanded I give a bedroom to her son to have to himself, because, "How am I supposed to have 'sexy time' with my husband with him in the room?" Everyone's sharing rooms, and no one's getting sexy time as someone literally died. FML

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Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me: "So… when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML

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Today, I opened my front door to see that someone else's McDonald's was delivered to me overnight, but the food was all moldy. The one time I get free food… FML

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Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML

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Today, I found that if I want my husband to take me out, all I have to do is say that I’m trying to lose weight. Anytime I bring up dieting or weight loss, suddenly he wants to take me to every restaurant in town and splurge on sweets. Part of me wants to lose weight but I also enjoy the snacks. FML

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Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old's birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, "Was the Prince handsome?" and they all replied with a chorus of "Nooooo!" FML

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