Cops

The smell of freedom

By ThatNewCarSmell - 01/10/2014 16:53 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 885

You deserved it 45 750

Sussy baka

By black hoodie - 19/05/2013 23:07 - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, I went for a walk. When it started pouring, I ran under the nearest tree for protection. It didn't occur to me that it might look suspicious hiding under a stranger's tree in a black hoodie, until the cops showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 188

You deserved it 5 982

Confused?

By Anonymous - 25/01/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, after a day spent together, the police came to my girlfriend's place, telling me to leave without explanation. I'm now at a hotel, discovering she made false, negative statements about me in papers they provided. Despite recent love and commitment, it seems she wants to break up, leaving me confused and alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 131

Such a narc

By hatetheroommate - 16/04/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had taken her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the Adderall they found in my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 800

You deserved it 130 374

High performance, high risk quipping

By Anonymous - 29/04/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, a police officer pulled me over while I was riding my high performance motorbike. He asked if I knew why he'd pulled me over. It was too tempting to resist at the time, but in hindsight telling him ,“Because I let you?” was not the best idea I’ve ever had. Cops have no sense of humour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 841

Freak out

By Brave - 06/08/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by showing up at her apartment early. I climbed through her bedroom window, holding flowers. I got the wrong window. Some old man screamed, hit me with a broom, and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 859

Mumble rap

By nosy ass bitches - 17/05/2022 12:00

Today, I was stopped and questioned by two officers for walking on a public trail in broad daylight. Someone (I think it was the older woman with the two dogs I saw) claimed there was a strange man in a hoodie mumbling to himself. I was wearing a hoodie, but I’m a woman and I was singing along with my music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 159

Hopeless

By Anonymous - 02/11/2023 22:00

Today, as my stalker was finally led away in handcuffs, my auntie asked if maybe I was being a bit harsh having him arrested, and maybe I should give him a second chance because he seemed like "a sweet man", and "it’s not like I have any other men lining up to date me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 103

Alexa, play "Ghost Rider" by Suicide

By Soon to be felon - 03/07/2023 22:00

Today, my sister got a speeding ticket in the mail. A month ago, I got pulled over and used her name, intending to take care of it but forgot. She's going to the police station to review the footage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 1 742

There's a first time for anything

By OptimalPath - 27/09/2023 06:00

Today, I booked a driver's ed course to avoid 3 points on my driving licence for doing 40 in 30 zone. That day, my wife kept quarrelling in the car, I got angry at her for a second, apparently also stepping on the gas. A triumphant copper with a speed gun was right there. I haven't had a speeding ticket in 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 782

Police protected wedding

By Tiana - 14/03/2022 02:00

Today, my stepfather currently has a restraining order of 1 Km because he kept on stalking me and my fiancée. I'm getting married in a week and I just found out that my mother invited him. I need to think fast on how to stop this scumbag from showing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 86

Hogs gone wild

By NotoriousSRJ - 28/01/2011 15:43 - Canada

Today, I got pulled over by a cop. Since my window wasn't working, I opened the door, causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing my window was broken, he laughed and let me off with a warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 335

You deserved it 4 349

Contempt

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 06:00

Today, I cannot believe my husband. All he had to do was contest a bogus parking ticket but because he's incapable of keeping his fat mouth shut, now he’s going to jail for contempt of court. He will lose his job because of this, guaranteed, and we have two kids to support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 218

Timing is everything

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Metamora

Today, a cop turned his lights and siren on to pull me over. I pulled into a parking lot and got a ticket. It wasn't until the cop pulled away that I realized that I'd pulled into, and interrupted, an on-going funeral visitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 239

You deserved it 5 368

It's fine, I'll wait outside

By I tried - 12/04/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, because the policy "no shirt, no shoes, no service" doesn't mention pants, my friends got the hilarious idea to walk into a store with no pants on. I tried to be reasonable and say they would get arrested, but they called me a "chicken" and did it anyway. Take a wild guess what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 224

One law for thee…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Springfield

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He told me one of my lights was busted, and I couldn't help but point out that one of his was out too. He said, "Thanks, I'll get that fixed right away." then gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 997

You deserved it 6 843

Oddly specific

By Angry and Confused - 29/06/2013 09:55 - United States - Reno

Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 203

You deserved it 2 965

Useless

By Anonymous - 01/05/2025 15:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my place of work was robbed. When expressing worry that the thieves would return, the cops told us, and I quote, "If they come back and attack you, just give us a call back." Fucking stellar, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 96

Paul Fart Malt Clop

By Cornbreesha - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a mall cop tore up my "Free hugs" sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 419

You deserved it 17 736

Sophie's choice

By Anonymous - 07/07/2023 15:00

Today, my boyfriend started a six month jail stint. The last thing he gave me was his phone, on which I discovered $30,000 in credit card debt. Why didn’t I go after the guy who went to dental uni? FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 1 135

Snitches get bitches

By Innocent - 18/08/2016 23:03 - New Zealand

Today, someone drove into my car at an intersection and drove off. Luckily, I got the car's registration plate and called the cops on them. Turns out, it was my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, who was illegally driving without a license. Now everyone's mad at me for getting her in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 757

You deserved it 1 243

The Wire

By Anonymous - 27/09/2022 23:00 - United States

Today, I was delivering a pizza but I got the address wrong. When I got to the house, I was surrounded by police and put in handcuffs at the door. Turns out the wrong address I went to resulted in me interfering with some sort of sting operation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 171

No means no, Deborah

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, it's my birthday. A month ago, I'd told everyone I invited to my party that it was going to be adults only. One of my friends brought her kids with her anyway, then started screaming and trashing the place when I politely asked her to leave. The cops had to be called to finally get her out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 119

Concerning

By Baby driver - 19/10/2024 09:00 - United States - Fulton

Today, a cop pulled me over and asked if I knew why. I panicked and blurted out, "Because I just killed someone?" He just stared at me in disbelief and said, "No, because your taillight's out. Should I be concerned?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 518

The long arm of the law

By MattVh - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Belgium

Today, someone had put a lock on my bike. While I was trying to saw it off, the police drove by. I was arrested for trying to steal a bike and released four hours later when they figured out that it was actually my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 299

You deserved it 2 529

Stitched up

By Busted - 26/07/2010 12:26 - South Africa

Today, I was woken up by the police pounding on my door, saying I was under arrest for stealing road signs. My friends went drinking last night and thought it would be funny to steal seven stop signs, four bus stop signs, and two children crossing signs, then plant them on my front lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 384

You deserved it 4 895

Chips

By Anonymous - 13/06/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt… into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 008

You deserved it 78 264

It's just like Black Mirror!

By faglypoog - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my $200 drone malfunctioned and wouldn't stop. For fifteen minutes I followed it on my bike until it finally disappeared. On the way back I was pulled over for not wearing a helmet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 448

You deserved it 2 116

Suspicious activity

By Anonymous - 26/09/2025 22:00

Today, a guy cut me off on the freeway, so I followed him, intent on confronting him. He turned off and went down a side road… right to the gate of a government base, which opened. I did a U-turn and hauled ass, only to get stopped by cops and grilled relentlessly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 802

Out of it

By Anonymous - 18/09/2025 22:00

Today, I woke up in jail. Apparently I incorrectly recited the alphabet, complete with singing “Now I know my ABC’s, won’t you come and play with me…” during a sobriety test. I wasn’t driving. I don’t even own a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 324

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, at my job as a fourth grade teacher, I realized that most of my students have far nicer and more expensive phones than I can afford. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 447

You deserved it 3 890

Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 577

You deserved it 2 929

Today, I was at the mall, I saw a girl crying that her ice cream had fallen on the floor. Feeling generous, I bought her a new one. She threw it on the ground, laughed, and came over to her mom and told that I was bothering her, so the mom called security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 693

You deserved it 5 016

Today, I took a call from a man who said his dating apps are connecting him with "black and oriental women" when he only wants white women. I spent 47 minutes on the phone with this customer trying to explain that I am only an AT&T Service Rep and have no control over any dating apps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 897

You deserved it 462

Today, at a very important company function where lots of the big bosses were, including the CEO of the company, I absentmindedly introduced the executive director whose name is Whitney as “Whitney Houston.” On stage. In front of ALL of them. I’ll never live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 419

Today, I confronted my coworker, who I had a crush on, for lying to me. He’d told me he was gay when I asked him out. He’s now dating another coworker of mine who’s a woman. He took this up with my boss, and I was written up for “creating a hostile work environment.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 2 083