snohomish, usa 34 years-old
Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML
Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed, "Holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML
Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML
Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML
Today, I was hanging out with a co-worker who I really liked. One thing led to another and we ended up going to her house and hooked up. Once we'd finished, I noticed another co-workers ID on the floor by her bed. I asked her about it and she said he must have dropped it there last night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML
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