Mr Miami, Fl 33 years-old
Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML
Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML
Today, in my second year at university, I took a pregnancy test. It's the only test I've passed all month. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
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