timeconsumer88

Captain Jack

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

Today, my daughter had the words "Always classy, never trashy" tattooed across her lower back in crappy cursive lettering. She doesn't understand the irony. FML