Mzkrazeee

Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

Collector's items

Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines had been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML