Xanthus

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Xanthus's favorite FMLs

Noped outta there

By SmileEveryday - 17/03/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance, which is one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I was waiting in his driveway with balloons, I saw his car reverse and go in the opposite direction. FML

agreeclassic 92 078

vote type 1 20 424

All in the family

By notasgood - 12/01/2010 23:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

agreeclassic 39 648

vote type 1 3 350

By 0ros - 12/09/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML

agreeclassic 29 809

vote type 1 4 382

Yummy

By kjmsit - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

agreeclassic 55 320

vote type 1 23 906

By helloitsbrian6969 - 24/05/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

agreeclassic 47 008

vote type 1 158 369