jakelumpy86

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Jakelumpy86's favorite FMLs

By Foxy - 05/02/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

agreeclassic 70 365

vote type 1 26 889

By Anonymous - 07/01/2013 11:11 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

agreeclassic 28 366

vote type 1 2 257

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

agreeclassic 39 932

vote type 1 9 253

By brianfantana32 - 12/09/2012 04:24 - United States - Spokane

Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML

agreeclassic 9 629

vote type 1 26 836

brianfantana32 app_comment_confession_title

brianfantana32 10

Wednesday 12 September 2012 16:14

This. This is more of a morality issue than a legal issue. I didn't take it word for word (even though that's hard to do since it's a video game and not a book), I just used the concept.

By Geckosrock99 - 31/08/2012 02:45 - United States - Riverbank

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

agreeclassic 37 499

vote type 1 6 112

Geckosrock99 app_comment_confession_title

Geckosrock99 33

Friday 31 August 2012 19:15

OP here. First of all, I'm nineteen. The ninety-nine in my username is just a random number. Not my birth year and not the number of geckos I have (or rather, used to have.) The vibrator wasn't running low on batteries. I had just changed them and, unfortunately for me, it was dying for good. I've had my fear of clowns since I was seven, because of that "IT" movie, so hearing that noise in the dark was pretty scary.