Breasus

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Breasus's favorite FMLs

By kprice6 - 03/02/2009 22:55 - United States

Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML

agreeclassic 34 472

vote type 1 33 155

By Anonymous - 23/07/2012 19:12 - United Kingdom

Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML

agreeclassic 38 363

vote type 1 5 379

By kalikanna - 07/07/2012 06:10 - United States - Piscataway

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

agreeclassic 35 914

vote type 1 4 226

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Saturday 7 July 2012 19:32

Well how about this. This tool place in Florida, not new jersey. Yes there was a hole in the roof but he patched it up pretty quick. Yes my dad is a redneck and it was a brown recluse so it deserved to die. XD

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

agreeclassic 10 524

vote type 1 28 658

By Anonymous - 21/06/2012 17:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML

agreeclassic 32 832

vote type 1 3 074