Intimacy: Today, I popped the cherry on the sofa in my girlfriend's parent's...

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By cookiemonster - 28/04/2016 05:35 - Austria

Today, I popped the cherry on the sofa in my girlfriend's parent's house. It left a stain. The sofa is white and her parents noticed soon after. Oh, and I wasn't speaking figuratively. I sat on the damn cherry and squashed it. FML

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vote type 1 11

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I went to my Homecoming dance. I had a great time until some fat girl kept trying to dance with my date, even though he politely asked her to stop. I decided to intervene. I found myself pinned to the floor by a fat girl crushing on my date, who was cheering her on as she tackled me. FML

agreeclassic 446

vote type 1 94

Today, I came home from work to find the front door wide open, the stove on, my 5 year old cutting up the curtain, and my 2 year old smearing chocolate sauce on the floor. My fiancé was nowhere to be found. Later on, I got a text from him saying that he'd gone to watch the footy. FML

agreeclassic 37 162

vote type 1 4 742

Today, I had to rush home from work to help my parents, who are both wheelchair users, because they were having sex and fell between the bed and the wall. With both of them unable to walk, they were stuck there, so the first thing I saw walking into their room was mom's bum hole staring at me. FML

agreeclassic 376

vote type 1 66

Today, after seeing a cute girl on the bus, I tried to look cool by flipping my hair, only to smack the side of my head into the bus window. FML

agreeclassic 7 077

vote type 1 10 159

Today, my first day of going to the gym, some gym bro dropped his weights, which you’re not supposed to do, right on the top of my foot. I have complex crush fractures in most of my foot bones, I’m going to need surgeries, probably metal pins, and I can’t put weight on it for months. FML

agreeclassic 823

vote type 1 136

Today, a state trooper ticketed me after learning I was ticketed for the same offense an hour earlier, namely driving with a broken headlight. The good news is that both tickets will be dismissed if I go to court. The bad news is that I'd have to go to different courthouses at the same time of day. FML

agreeclassic 34 018

vote type 1 4 224