Animals Today,I got a bird. We both learned 2 things. It learned how... - FML

birdman - 06/03/2016 19:25 - Canada - Lloydminster

Today,I got a bird. We both learned 2 things. It learned how to open its cage and I learned I need to keep my windows closed.FML

2

1

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, after much measuring with a tape measure, comparing with my sisters and even asking my husband for his opinion, I'm forced to admit that without a bra on, my boobs now sag so much my nipples hang down to the level of my belly button. FML

990

134

Today, my religious parents were hosting a family dinner. Not only did we have to wait over an hour for my grandma to finally show up, but when she did, she had her 30 year old boytoy in tow. Apparently, "Granny has needs too you know, hahaha!" Goodbye peaceful family. FML

30 339

3 274

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 45 minutes. I am an elevator mechanic. FML

42 692

6 968

Today, I was in a restaurant bathroom, when another girl walked in. I have anxiety issues, and couldn't leave my stall until the other person went first. She rushed into a stall and had violent diarrhea for a good 10 minutes. FML

42 185

9 500

Today, I was running late for work and I was carrying my stuff to my car, handbag over my shoulder, laptop in one hand, and my coffee in the other. As I tried to unlock my car, I spilt the coffee all over myself, the car, and my laptop. Now, I’m sticky, wet, and my laptop won't turn on. FML

327

270

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

21 954

3 877