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    : 320



    Billie Jean

    Anonymous - 28/11/2025 15:00

    Today, despite my warnings, my mother continues to go see my ex's son and encourage her to get more child support from me. They both say that because I signed the birth certificate, that makes that baby mine. I don't think he is, and I'm currently with someone else, with my first real son on the way. FML
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    Long time coming, probably

    Anonymous - 13/11/2025 03:00

    Today, to punish my wife for disrespecting me in front of my friends, I told her I wasn't going to help with the baby tonight. When I woke up, she and my baby were gone with nothing more than a text saying she was speaking to a divorce lawyer. Over one night. FML
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    Steamy pile of mess

    Anonymous - 14/01/2026 09:00

    Today, I put leftovers in the microwave and pressed what I thought was “1:00.” It was actually “10:00.” I got distracted, then realized at minute eight when the smell changed from “warm food” to “bad science experiment.” FML
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    Mucky

    Anonymous - 30/07/2025 22:00 - United States

    Today, I made a protein shake at the gym. I somehow didn't screw the lid on tight enough, so when I took one huge gulp, the shake exploded all over my face, shirt, and the gym mirror. Now I look like I lost a fight with a chocolate milkshake. FML
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    Femboys are where it's at

    Sex isn't great anyway - 02/01/2026 15:00

    Today, I found out that my husband hasn't wanted sex because he's been fucking the feminine gay guy he works with. I could divorce him, but I like not getting constantly bothered for sex, and I don't want to deal with the stress of divorce. FML
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    Self help

    Anonymous - 31/10/2025 00:00

    Today, I watched a YouTube video on how to fix a leaking sink. I was feeling confident and turned off what I thought was the main water valve. It wasn’t. Ten seconds later, a geyser of freezing water blasted me in the face. My cat watched the entire thing from the counter, with the most judgmental stare I’ve ever seen. FML
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    Bad mix

    Anonymous - 14/09/2025 12:00

    Today, I ate a dragon fruit and drank some aloe. I was at work and had to stop what I was doing and run to the bathroom so I didn’t poop my pants. After I was done, I saw splatters of shit on the floor. Confused, I looked at the toilet. To my surprise, I found out I projectile diarrhea-ed all over my work toilet. FML
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    There's still hope, then?

    Anonymous - 08/02/2025 20:00 - Nigeria

    Today, I think I've finally lost my girl. I think she stopped liking me a while ago, but I didn't ask because I was afraid of the answer. We haven't texted in almost two days now. FML
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    Freeloader

    - 23/10/2025 22:00

    Today, my boyfriend said he OD’d twice because of me, got sober because of me, and is done “trying.” I bought him a car yesterday and he hasn’t paid rent or bills in almost two years. FML
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    Leaving blues

    Anonymous - 10/03/2025 03:00 - United States - Las Vegas

    Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight when I realized I had forgotten my passport at home. I panicked, called my mom in a frenzy, only to realize I was holding my passport in my wallet the entire time. It was so embarrassing, and my mom will probably never let me forget it. FML
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    Bummer

    Anonymous - 30/05/2025 14:00 - United States - Jeffersonville

    Today, I was on my way to see someone very special to me, but got pulled over and arrested for some old ticket and thrown in jail. I called family, who live 45 minutes away, but it took them 7 hours to get there. Now I lost the someone special and family. FML
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    A new path emerges…

    Elise - 25/11/2025 15:00

    Today, I'm upset by my dating life. I want to be with a man romantically, but none I've met so far have worked out. Too dumb or boring or mean, so I've tried some dating sites. All my matches were with women, so I went on a date with one to "find out." Is it good or bad that I liked her more than any man so far? FML
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    Whip it

    Anonymous - 07/02/2025 00:00 - United States

    Today, I tried to take a slow-motion video of myself flipping my hair like in a shampoo commercial. Instead, I hit my head against the shower door so hard that my shelf of cosmetics collapsed and landed in my toilet. FML
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    Oh, hai Mark

    David - 22/10/2025 03:00

    Today, I was in the check out line at a store when I thought I recognized the guy behind me from high school. I turned and said, “Oh my God, Mark?” He said, “No.” To make it worse, my brain short-circuited and I said, “Are you sure?” FML
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    Are you good?

    I tried - 23/11/2025 00:00

    Today, I tried to discreetly fix a wedgie while walking into a crowded store. Right as I yanked my waistband, the automatic doors opened and revealed a full line of people staring directly at me mid-adjustment. FML
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    DIY

    Jezza - 02/12/2025 03:00

    Today, I tried fixing the squeak in my bedroom door. Instead, I made it dramatically louder. That night, when I sneaked to the kitchen for a snack, the door shrieked like a horror movie prop. My family thought someone broke in. It was just me craving chips. FML
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    How are people still doing this?

    Anonymous - 08/03/2025 15:00 - Canada - Windsor

    Today, I texted my friend to ask if she wanted to grab lunch. She didn't respond, so I followed up with, "You alive? Or just avoiding me?" An hour later, I realized I'd texted my boss. He replied with a very professional, "I’m alive, thank you for asking. Lunch is a bit early for me today." FML
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    Regular occurrence

    Anonymous - 03/04/2025 03:00 - United States - Portland

    Today, my family’s usual Sunday dinner turned into a shouting match over politics. My uncle called me a “brainwashed socialist,” my cousin accused me of being a “capitalist pig,” and my grandma just sat there eating pie, which made me want to call her a "fence-sitting centrist", which is when I realized that maybe we shouldn't ever talk about politics again. FML
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    I'm so tired

    Anonymous - 07/11/2025 22:00

    Today, my husband yelled at me for asking him to get the kids ready for school after he got off work. He works overnights, so I figured that since he's already awake, he can help out, since I'm not a morning person at all. Apparently he needs sleep "IMMEDIATELY" once he gets off work. FML
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    Pesky ghosts

    Anonymous - 10/03/2025 22:00 - United States - Portland

    Today, I was walking down the hallway of my office, texting and not paying attention, when I tripped on… nothing. I just practically face-planted onto the floor, and when I looked up, people chatting in the hallway were staring at me, and asked me if I had tripped over my own foot or if a ghost had pranked me. FML
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    BURNED

    Sarah - 19/12/2025 09:00

    Today, I reheated leftover pasta at work. I forgot to crack a vent on the container and it exploded in the microwave. Sauce coated the inside, so I spent my lunch break scrubbing while coworkers waited awkwardly to heat their food. The smell is still hanging in the office air. FML
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    Overreaction

    - 20/12/2025 00:00

    Today, after getting fed up with my girlfriend ignoring me about drinking caffeine while carrying my baby, I tried to fix it by secretly switching her coffee with decaf. Apparently she found out, before telling me she’s leaving me for someone “less controlling.” FML
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    WHAT DO YOU WANT?

    Anonymous - 19/07/2025 20:00 - United States

    Today, I knocked on the door of my friend’s apartment to surprise her. It opened, and an angry stranger shouted, “Who are you?” at me. I then realized I was on the wrong floor of the building. My friend still doesn’t know I almost barged in on her neighbor, because I'm too embarrassed to tell her. FML
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    Addicted to mid

    Anonymous - 17/11/2025 00:00

    Today, the Gen Z at the office introduced me to this book series from "#booktok." I thought why not, and i just read it. I ended up reading all three books in a week and obsessing over the series while the Gen Z didn't move past the first one. The series isn't even that good, but I'm stuck now. FML
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    Dazed and confused

    Anonymous - 27/10/2025 03:00

    Today, after my workout, I opened my locker to find… nothing. No phone, no keys, no wallet. I panicked and reported it to the front desk. Turns out I’d used locker 37, but my stuff was in 73. The staff found it immediately. I thanked them like they’d saved my life. FML
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    And I love her

    Anonymous - 22/09/2025 22:00

    Today, I wondered who ever came up with the idea that women are elegant and refined. Mine farts like a horse, belches like a bullfrog, eats like a pig, and she's proud of it. Like something out of Shrek. FML
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    Hint taken

    Left Out AF - 27/08/2025 20:00 - United States

    Today, I found out why the guy I like insisted on inviting a friend along on our outings. Apparently, he was sick of me flirting/making moves, so he kept bringing her along in hopes I'd get the hint. Although this time, not only was I third-wheeling, but I watched as they hooked up in the backseat of his car. FML
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    Sounds about right

    Anonymous - 18/06/2025 15:00 - United States

    Today, I spent an hour frantically searching for my car keys, turning the entire apartment upside down. After giving up and calling a locksmith, I found the keys… in the fridge. Because apparently I put my leftover pizza on top of them. FML
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    Hot guy alert

    so fucked - 24/11/2025 09:00

    Today, I realized my dad was right about everything: the hot guy who was attractive because my dad hated him so much really was a scumbag. I found out after he got me pregnant, vanished, and then learned that he also got my sister and cousin pregnant. FML
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    Insatiable

    Anonymous - 07/01/2026 20:00

    Today, my husband is a normal man in his thirties with a receding hairline and a dad bod. So why am I insanely attracted to him and just want to always have sex with him or do things to him? I can't stop myself. I just turn on when I see him and start sucking his cock. He can't keep up and hates it. FML
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    FMyLife FMyLife
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    Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML
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    Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML
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    Today, my friend found a picture of herself on a website filled with pictures of thin people. I was in the picture, also. I was crossed-out with the word, "EWW" written next to me. FML
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    Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML
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    Today, I went to pick up my goddaughter while her mother went to work. She was being fussy, and I was surprised when she was quiet in the car; I just figured she'd fallen asleep. I got to my house and realized I'd never put her in my car, she was still sitting in my friend's driveway. FML
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    Today, I sent my mom a link to a news article via Facebook. Immediately after sending, however, I noticed I had forgotten to copy the news article's link, and what I had sent instead was the last thing I had copied and pasted: a porn link. FML
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    © VDM SAS,

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