The Top

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The top of the year

I'm out

By tired af - 25/01/2026 20:00

Today, I’m a nurse on night shift and I went to a daytime family brunch without adjusting my sleep schedule. Halfway through a serious conversation about finances, I nodded off and started dreaming I was charting vitals. I woke up mid-sentence saying, “Blood pressure stable,” to my aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 18

Mismanagement

By Anonymous - 28/01/2025 05:00 - Philippines - Taytay

Today, I got written up at work for a mistake I did not even do, and that I even helped solve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 78

No thanks!

By Anonymous - 31/01/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I was at a wedding, and during the bouquet toss, I stood back and let the single ladies have their moment. The bouquet flew straight at me, hit me in the face, and I instinctively grabbed it. Now everyone thinks I’m desperate to get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 119

Parents of the year

By Anonymous - 07/02/2025 14:00

Today, I got to experience the rare pleasure of overhearing my divorcing parents admit that neither of them want full custody of me, or even shared custody, and then planning to guilt one of my grandparents into accepting custody instead. God I hate them both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 102

Congratulations!

By Anonymous - 09/02/2025 02:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I realized how much my family truly hates me. I had a whole baby and nobody showed up to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 131

We still good?

By Anonymous - 11/02/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I cooked dinner for the girl I've been dating. Everything was going well until I accidentally set off the smoke alarm. The fire department showed up, and my date spent the rest of the evening flirting with one of the firefighters, so I guess we weren't actually dating? FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 119

Rough night, huh?

By Anonymous - 12/02/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was drunk and broke my leg. I called 911, only for the cops to turn up and make me try to walk, with them saying that I was faking my injury. They arrested me for being drunk in public and hours later I finally got to an ER. I had to have surgery on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 189

Carry that weight

By Sally - 16/02/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping on his back for a piggyback ride. He wasn’t expecting it. We both ended up on the floor, and I owe him a new pair of glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 734

Life imitates life

By Anonymous - 21/02/2025 15:00 - United States - Lawrenceburg

Today, after years of seeing the original post, I finally did it. I was popping pimples on my nose so aggressively, I gave myself a bloody nose. Here's to you, OP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 374

We're going to need more in the comments, please

By Uh-SLEEP - 25/02/2025 06:00 - United States - New York

Today, my obsession with Polish women tried to "graduate" and become my religion. The obsession I had caught from hearing other dudes' ethnic fetishes online was about to become the start of a New Religious Movement. Now I'm stuck with the realization that I have an incredibly cringey brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 632

Young love

By Anonymous - 28/02/2025 18:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I need help getting over my ex. We are always in the same class and now recently he has been giving me mixed feelings like he has been staring and smiling a little bit at me just like how he did in the beginning of our love and relationship. Please help! I wanna get over him! FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 166

Custom job

By Anonymous - 13/03/2025 04:00 - United States - Thousand Oaks

Today, my toddler threw up on my one week old pair of white shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 223

Good intention, mid outcome

By Britany - 16/03/2025 18:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to rescue a stray dog and used my work ID to lasso him. I scooped him up and was carrying him to my car when something spooked him and he ran off with my work ID. I eventually found him and traded him a granola bar for my work ID, but not before I reported it missing to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 460

We'll just order out

By Lili - 22/03/2025 09:00 - United States - Akron

Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 272

Stolen valor

By ImpsonFamily - 26/03/2025 08:00 - Australia

Today, a manager was credited for coming up with a safety idea. This is the same idea I brought up weeks prior and was told it was silly by said manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 72

My big day

By ReadyFreddy - 29/03/2025 04:00 - United States - North Hollywood

Today, I was starting a new job. I got up early, showered, did my hair, put on my uniform, had a good cry because I was scared/excited that I was starting a future where I will be financially free for the first time. Then my boss texted me because one of his back of house employees is sick and he can’t train me until tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 91

A bit rich

By Anonymous - 12/04/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, it's been months that my mom has owed me $174, and every time I ask she tells me she's too poor to pay me back. Girly bought an entire 180k dollar farm with my grandparents the day after I asked (also the money was used for gas, and she guilt tripped me into giving it to her). FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 103

I'll get my coat

By Rossi - 17/04/2025 14:00 - United States

Today, the guy I like shared a repost on his Instagram story that said, “No message is a message. Take the hint and move on.” He’d left my last message to him on “Seen” for 4 days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 355

Buzzed

By Who needs sleep - 19/04/2025 15:00 - Netherlands

Today, my wife helped herself to an energy drink at 7pm, because she "felt tired", and yelled at me when I told her not to. All night, all I heard was, "Babe, I can't sleep. I'm restless. Talk to me. Babe, you're sleeping and I feel lonely. Hey babe what are you thinking about? What's going through your head?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 74

Kick it

By lukey101 - 25/04/2025 06:00 - Australia

Today, my worst fear was realised while walking past an under 15’s football game. The ball landed right by me and I attempted to kick it back, except it went flying diagonally & ended up even further away. I’m a 36 year-old man and got roasted by a bunch of 15 year-old boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 318

Arnold Layne

By Anonymous - 28/04/2025 12:00 - United States - Portland

Today, my cat brought me a “gift” by dragging in a sock from my neighbor’s porch. It was a child's sock. I took it back to them, but I'm pretty sure the neighbor now thinks I steal clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 106

Let me celebrate!

By poopface82 - 01/05/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I just passed an important exam. Hours after I passed, I felt a tickle in my throat. I have COVID. I feel like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 107

Out of reach

By Yudith - 05/05/2025 09:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my male cat's cone is slightly bigger than his sister's. That means when he eats, the food keeps falling off his raised plate, he can barely reach it when it's on the floor, it passes his mouth to go under his chin, etc. He has to wear the damn thing for two weeks. On his behalf, FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 125

Not so tech savvy

By Anonymous - 06/05/2025 21:00 - United States - Kailua

Today, in Home Ec, I struggled to open the microwave for almost 10 minutes in front of the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 362

Get better locks

By Aww! You shouldn't have! ....REALLY! - 10/05/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, my friends, led by my best friend, threw me a surprise party. Bearing a cake, they all happily yelled, "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" by suddenly barging in… through the bathroom door. I was on the toilet, in the middle of taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 68

Security!

By Anonymous - 14/05/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, at the park, a woman asked if I could watch her toddler for a second while she ran to the bathroom. Before I could answer, she ran off. Ten minutes later, a police officer approached me because someone reported a "man lurking with a child." I’m a woman. And not the babysitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 76

A bit of an overreaction

By lisa - 18/05/2025 03:00 - Netherlands

Today, I shouted at my husband for buying a video game, saying that money wasted on his dumb childish bullshit could be spent on a nice vacation or date night. He quietly packed a bag and left. I'm getting the locks changed. Good riddance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 1 891

Big swinger

By Anonymous - 23/05/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, my penis isn't so small that I pee on my balls. It's so small that it fits between the toilet and toilet seat, causing me to pee all over the floor full stream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 134

Never joke around with the Hacky Sacks

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my husband is refusing any kind of sex with me. Last week, as a prank, I slapped his ballsack during foreplay, not hard at all. Now he says he "can't trust me" near his junk, the big baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 744

Bon appétit

By Breakfast in the dark - 30/05/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, like many other days, I got up to make breakfast before dawn. Not wanting to waste food, I took apart a chicken that looked fine, cutting away some of the breast for a burrito, only to realize after I ate it and went to throw out the bony bits, it was completely moldy underneath. Penicillin, anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 179

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The Top

Today, it was my first day being home after doing a 4 and a half month hike through the Appalachian Trail. This evening, I stepped out my front door and directly onto a copperhead snake. It thought my leg was tasty, and I went to the ER for the first time in over 20+ years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 831

You deserved it 155

Today, I was wondering why my cheap and overall great apartment had been available for so long. After some research, it's now pretty clear: my landlord is, apparently, a well-known slumlord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 314

You deserved it 1 403

Today, I went on a coffee date. My date blew his nose on a discarded napkin, smoked half of my cigarettes despite "giving up", chewed tobacco at the table and casually invited a friend to join us. His friend spat out his tobacco and poured cough syrup into his coffee. I'll pass on a second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 951

You deserved it 429

Today, I was invited by my dad to eat out at a buffet. At the end he handed me the bill. I paid with hesitation, because he didn’t ask or talk to me about it, but I didn’t wanna make a scene. I come home to my husband asking for more money too because he "can’t manage money." I guess girls really do go for their dads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 328

Today, my office has decided to make our working from home a permanent thing for 95% of our staff so they can rent a much smaller office space. Guess who’s one of the 5% who has to drag himself out of bed, just to be a warm body at the office in case something comes up requiring a man on site… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 143

Today, after I got pregnant 22 years ago and my husband became way too overprotective, to the point where he became a right pain in the ass, I’m now accidentally pregnant again. It turns out my now 22-year-old son is almost as bad as his dad was. Now I’ve got two of the sods to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 640

You deserved it 570