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Superficial

By Jackielynn - 22/01/2026 00:00

Today, my new husband told me, “If you ever get comfortable during the marriage I’m leaving. So I’m getting you a gym membership to keep that body in check.” When I protested, he told me, “How would you feel if I packed pounds and look like Jabba The Hutt?” My silence was punctuated by an “Exactly.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 398

Lost

By Anonymous - 25/01/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I tried to take a shortcut home. I got lost and had to ask a stranger for directions. They pointed to the street sign above me that literally had my street's name on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 466

On my butt

By Anonymous - 05/02/2025 09:00 - United States - Warren

Today I slipped on a patch of ice I couldn't see, spilling the groceries I was carrying everywhere. Strangely, despite landing on my left knee, I didn't get a bruise there; my left butt cheek hurt though. Apparently, falling forward can still have you pull muscles. I pulled a butt cheek muscle slipping on ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 83

Bad planning

By Anonymous - 14/02/2025 16:30 - India - Jamshedpur

Today, I realized that procrastinating studying for my finals until the last day would end up in me failing, irrespective of how much caffeine I consume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 704

A star is born

By Tito Pat - 18/02/2025 07:00 - Philippines - Bacoor

Today, I discovered that my niece is making a killing with her vlog's revenue by adding a small segment. It features hidden camera footage of her eccentric uncle's daily life: from various reactions while playing a video game, to singing like a dork while working out, and being a huge nerd at everything. It's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 121

Not worth it

By Anonymous - 26/02/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and for all my life, my dad has been feral about protecting his BMW; we weren’t even allowed to look at it. Well today he decided I was allowed to drive it as an 18th birthday present. I was so nervous, I hyperventilated and passed out in the seat before I even put the key in the ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 166

Classic kitten move

By Filly - 18/03/2025 13:00 - Romania

Today, I thought my new kitten had gotten out, so I roamed the streets in the pouring rain, screaming his name for hours. Eventually, my fiance called and said he was home from work. I cried that the cat was gone, and he said, "What do you mean? He's on my lap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 195

Evening out

By Pissed and broke - 30/03/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I finally got a raise after years of hard work! Excited, I went on a shopping spree, but as I checked the latest prices, it turns out that my extra income barely covers the increase in my grocery bill. Thanks, inflation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 123

The horror

By GW. - 01/04/2025 07:00 - United States - Orange

Today, I have norovirus and my period. I feel like I’m emitting fluids from every hole I have. The toilet looks like something out of a horror movie every time I use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 79

It's about control

By i hate it here - 03/04/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, after three years of letting everyone work remotely and do our thing, my company suddenly demanded everyone return to the office. Now I get sit in traffic for two hours every day just to join Zoom calls from a cubicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 113

Cool cool cool

By Chris - 06/04/2025 22:00 - Canada

Today, I saw my ex and his new girlfriend walking towards me. To make things less awkward, I tried to be cool and give him a high five. He misjudged and went for a fist bump. I ended up slapping his hand, and it felt like it lasted forever, all while she just smirked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 321

Nil - nil

By Anonymous - 08/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I got into an online debate about reproductive rights, healthcare, gun laws, and education in the US, all in one thread. Someone told me, “This is the greatest country in the world.” I asked, “Based on what?” He blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 295

Priorities

By Anonymous - 10/04/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, when she found out my mother died, my ever empathetic wife said, “Tell them not to have the funeral on Friday. I have a hair appointment.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 83

Busted

By Gus - 13/04/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I called out of work, making an elaborate claim my wife was sick, and that I HAD to stay home to take care of her, because I have never played hooky from work before. That afternoon, at a minor league hockey game as I'm buying a hotdog with my wife, my boss from behind me asked, "How's the fam?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 829

Go vegan for the economy

By Anonymous - 21/04/2025 00:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, I argued with my roommate about which eggs to buy: organic, pasture-raised, free-range, or AI-verified climate-positive. We settled on whatever was cheapest. They were $9. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 361

Grey Mirror

By Anonymous - 22/04/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I called the DMV. The automated voice said, “Your expected wait time is… 7 hours.” I waited. When I finally got through, the human redirected me to a chatbot. The chatbot crashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 92

Get me out of here

By Anonymous - 24/04/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, because my insane mother doesn’t want me getting a job to afford to move out and never see her again, she put my suit in the freezer last night so I couldn’t go to my 9 a.m. interview. I went in a t-shirt instead and they rejected me straight away for not "taking the interview seriously." FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 79

Policy of truth

By Anonymous - 29/04/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home to my daughter in tears because her dad decided 5 was the ideal age to tell her the chicken, bacon, and mince she eats every day comes from dead chickens, piggies, and moo cows. I now have a vegetarian 5 year-old and I’m seriously worried about malnutrition and stunted growth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 172

Bad guy

By Anonymous - 07/05/2025 00:00

Today, my father got drunk and became crazy. He just kept talking nonsense and swaying while walking. It seemed like he was going to vomit. I hate him being like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 82

Fly my beauties

By Newny_Newny_Newny - 12/05/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I spent like $120 on Mother’s Day flowers and a big bundle of balloons for my wife. On the way to the car, the balloons detached from the string and floated away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 126

Noise pollution

By BRUH imma cut you - 15/05/2025 16:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was hanging in the street with the boys, listening to some jams on my car's new speaker system. Some asshole from the apartments above me threw a bag of trash at my car. Direct hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 980

You can't say anything anymore

By Anonymous - 21/05/2025 06:00 - United States - York

Today, after months of saying I wanted to kill myself, someone finally reported me. I can't go back to school until I see a therapist who has to approve my going back to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 795

Steve? Pete?

By somefamily - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Wayne

Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad by the wrong name for the past two years. No one had told me sooner because they liked laughing at me for it when I wasn't around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 441

You deserved it 4 509

I'm still hungry

By Anonymous - 24/07/2025 12:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I microwaved leftovers in a container I didn’t check. The lid wasn’t microwave-safe. It melted, fused to the food, and now I have what looks like a modern art sculpture instead of lunch. My coworker walked up, looked at it, and said, “Microplastics in our food are getting out of hand.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 478

Classic

By Anonymous - 05/08/2025 20:00 - Namibia

Today, I found my girlfriend in bed with her gym trainer. They said they were doing cardio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 73

Freak out

By Dough - 20/08/2025 00:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I decided to bake chocolate wafers. I rolled the dark brown dough into a log, when my senile grandmother walked in. She saw it and started screaming that I was playing with shit, then threw a bottle at me. I had to throw the dough away because it was full of broken glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 84

Blinded

By Anonymous - 25/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, my phone’s flashlight turned on in my pocket while I was at the movie theater. I didn’t notice until the stranger next to me whispered, “Hey, your dick is glowing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 144

The golden child

By Anonymous - 27/08/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to use my mum's laptop so she told me the password was just my sister's name. I hit a wrong key and misspelled it, so the incorrect password prompt came on screen. The prompt was: "Favourite child?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 87

Why would you even have that?

By Ellis - 06/09/2025 14:00 - United States - Ephrata

Today, I was on FB Messenger talking to one of my friends who is a pastor about getting together playing golf and I meant to send him an emoji in our conversation, but accidentally sent an emoji sticker of my wife and me doing doggystyle. I quickly deleted it on my side, but it was still visible on his side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 455

Hurting over here

By wo-ow - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 744

You deserved it 4 392

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The Top

Today, I found out my mother cleans the dishes with bathroom cleaning chemicals. She doesn't see anything wrong with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 073

You deserved it 2 694

Today, I realized how self-absorbed my mother is when she came to visit, and was so upset at my sibling over a non-issue that she didn't notice I was high so I wouldn't have to remember anything she said. I was hoping for a healthier relationship with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 270

Today, I noticed that my very expensive facial cleanser was almost out. I had moved in with my boyfriend recently, and questioned him, telling him "You don't have to use so much to wash your face. That's a $70 bottle." To which he responded, "Oh, that nice-smelling stuff? Yeah, I use that on my junk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 819

You deserved it 8 667

Today, the button on my husband's pants popped for the 4th time. I already used the strongest thread and buttons. He's obviously put on some weight around the stomach, but he won't listen to reason and still blames me for my sewing, which is making his pants "turn against him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 174

You deserved it 1 755

Today, my parents finally decided to get a divorce. The catch? I'm on my step-dad's insurance and without it, I will no longer be able to receive my absolutely crucial mental health medication, on which, no exaggeration, my life depends upon. I'm cooked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 117

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 632

You deserved it 2 387