The Top

Haha oh gosh this was my FML. To clarify yes I am experienced I have worked there for 8 months so far which was a few more months experience than the server in the FML, and I'm practically a veteran there as most of our staff leave in a few months I was in a bit of a rush because we were busy and while it isn't my job to bus tables for the servers I do it to help them out so I was a little peeved that this server would say something like that to a customer when I had been cleaning most of his tables for him. It was pretty funny and I went over to the customer and we had a good laugh about it.

By Anonymous - 31/01/2017 22:00 - United States - Rochester

Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 749

You deserved it 1 548

By ihateveganism - 22/08/2012 04:19 - United States - Barrington

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 358

You deserved it 10 032

By pampa31 - 14/12/2015 17:21 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, while I was driving, there was a high speed car chase. The runaway managed to avoid my car but the police didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 798

You deserved it 1 706

Peel

By Etta - 05/03/2017 04:00 - United States

Today, I stayed home from work, feeling ill. Come lunchtime, I made myself some ramen noodles, thinking that the broth would feel good on my throat. Too bad I sneezed while carrying the bowl, dumping the boiling hot broth all down my front. The skin on my boob peeled away like tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 561

You deserved it 593

By juniorleo - 03/12/2015 20:23 - United States - Riverside

Today, I was told that the cutoff date for dropping out of one of my classes was last Friday. Which would have been fine if the school website had the right information when I checked it last Friday. They're ignoring my screenshots proving as such. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 608

You deserved it 1 528

juniorleo tells us more.

juniorleo 5

Saturday 5 December 2015 3:26

OP here. I know that screenshots aren't very good evidence, but it was basically all I had (since the website had been updated since). I'm on a quarter system so there's not enough time to go with a lot of your ideas, though I appreciate you guys trying. Oh, and I did go to my parents. Not for help, since I did everything possible before I called them about it, but they didn't believe me either. （´・ω・｀） Shit just sucks sometimes.

Quality family time

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 13:47 - United States - Kenosha

Today, my deadbeat dad threatened to press charges against me for harassment if I ever contact him again. I've contacted him twice in the last two years, once to tell him he was going to be a grandfather, and once to send him a birthday card from my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 779

You deserved it 1 843

By No Nip - 25/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 003

You deserved it 487

Pissed

By whoops - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I saw that the wine bottle I couldn't open last night had a big hole in the top from my struggle to open it. It was a screw top. I must've been drunker than I thought last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 862

You deserved it 2 537

By smh - 03/11/2015 20:04 - United States - Beulah

Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend of two years asked me out on a date was because I accidentally flashed him when we met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 445

You deserved it 3 032

Cheeky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got mugged. I found out because the mugger had the courtesy to ring me, after I texted several times asking where he was, to say, "He won't reply. He got robbed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 108

You deserved it 3 223

Which side are you on?

By FMyCountry - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, during a football match, the referee declared a goal as invalid. The dad of the kid who scored didn't agree, which led to an all-out fight among all the kids' parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 169

You deserved it 315

Assumptions

By FreeTacos_ - 28/10/2015 05:23 - United States - Pueblo

Today, I told my crush that I liked her a lot. She told me not to message her when I'm drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 558

You deserved it 2 736

By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 599

You deserved it 15 242

By NotThePotty - 19/10/2015 10:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, according to daycare, my son is behind in his potty training curriculum because we are not "celebrating his natural bodily functions" enough. He turned 2 a week ago, and he peed on our bed last night because we're trying to meet this demand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 534

You deserved it 3 015

By Thanks Honey - 05/06/2013 15:08 - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 640

You deserved it 5 201

All true, obviously

By Anonymous - 29/05/2019 02:00

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law thinks that Trump is the "best man to walk the earth since Jesus," and that he's "fighting the deep state who's in control of the fake news." She tried to indoctrinate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 318

You deserved it 684

In training

By anonymous - 16/11/2009 06:00 - Japan

Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him, "Where did you go to the potty?" He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 290

You deserved it 4 077

By Anonymous - 02/10/2015 12:25 - United Kingdom

Today, a guy threatened to sue me for fraud because I informed him that he had to start paying back his student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 901

You deserved it 1 848

By outoflove - 30/06/2014 21:06 - United States - Rockport

Today, my husband came clean to having an affair with my sister. I later found out my other sister encouraged the affair because she thought they'd be a cute couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 831

You deserved it 4 425

Cats > Relationships

By Crazy Cat-less Lady - 31/10/2016 04:38

Today, my mom asked me if I was a lesbian because I haven't brought a guy home in over 7 years. Nope. I'm just a crazy cat lady, minus the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 806

You deserved it 1 186

By Anonymous - 16/04/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance man was mowing the grass within eyeshot. I figured I'd leave the blinds open and give him a little peek of the goods. Later I found a note on my window saying, 'Next time, close the blinds'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 382

You deserved it 120 571

Twister

By Anonymous - 04/09/2015 01:30

Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 478

You deserved it 3 312

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 18:02 - United States

Today, someone left sticky notes with inspirational messages on everyone's locker. Well, almost everyone. My locker was the only one without a note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 636

You deserved it 1 934

You OK, hun?

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had diarrhea at work. While trying to be subtle about the noises, the woman in the stall next to me called me by name and asked if I was having trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 152

You deserved it 3 194

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Cute Dogs Animals Embarrassing Love Crush Work Vacation Babysitter Kids Parents Friends Holidays Awkward Annoying My ex School Gross NSFW Porn Intimacy Cops Scary Movies Clumsy Delivery Pizza Clothes Ironic

The Top

Today, I realized the only reason my phone ever rings is because someone needs help with their computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 914

You deserved it 2 300

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 764

You deserved it 2 753

Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 667

You deserved it 5 452

Today, I found out my grandmother doesn't wear underwear when she bent over in front of me in her inappropriately short nightgown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 705

You deserved it 2 868

Today, I'm at the age where I'm supposed to be having the time of my life. I'm short and look so young that I get asked if I'm still in high school. Every girl I've ever known looks at me like a "little brother". The only girls who have shown interest are still too young to vote. I'm missing out on my 20s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 158

Today, I'm wondering if I can forgive someone who I was there for when they were at their lowest, but when I was at mine, they dropped me and told me they couldn’t help me, and I can't talk to them about it anymore? FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 112