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Nope

By frenchpie - 17/05/2009 12:05 - Korea Republic of

Today, the guy I liked came over for dinner with some friends. One of them asked him if we were dating, he became so distraught he started to choke on the food I had made, in his haste to tell them that in no uncertain terms, were we together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 532

You deserved it 4 180

Need help

By Nohelpforyou - 04/03/2022 18:00 - Canada - London

Today, I was so depressed that I almost called Kids Help Phone for support. Then I remembered that I’m 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 158

Check these out!

By Anonymous - 11/11/2024 20:00 - Germany - Gelnhausen

Today, I wanted to show a photo of my cat to my colleague, but my phone fell out of my hand and scrolled to the next photo, a photo of me without a bra. Now he thinks that this is how I tried to let him know that I want a quickie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 470

Daily grind

By well fuck - 17/06/2026 22:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I got home from working 14 hours straight, went to take a dump, and fell asleep on the toilet. I woke up later on the floor, covered in shit and piss, with my alarm going off, an hour before I was due back at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 109

By uglyguy252 - 16/05/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, in class the guy next to me was talking to a girl across the room using gestures to help get across his message. Apparently, pointing at me is the best way to say "ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 472

You deserved it 3 645

A little higher, dude

By Anonymous - 04/04/2022 14:00

Today, I was laying in bed with my boyfriend. He started caressing me, his eyes were closed, and he said, “I love touching your boobs.” Which was actually a roll of fat on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 538

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 23:07 - Canada

Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 525

You deserved it 5 650

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 10:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 934

You deserved it 13 452

By croissant - 24/08/2015 03:42 - France

Today, for the first day in our bakery, our intern brought croissants and rolls from our biggest competitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 69

Poor doggo

By not doing it - 21/06/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, my partner is still pouting because I refused to adopt a “special needs” dog. Never mind that we don’t have the training, experience, equipment, nor financial means to care for an animal with such extensive medical needs, oh no, he just wanted it because it "looked sad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 136

Renters' rights

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 11:01

Today, I’m a student renting a room in an old lady’s house. The other lodger, who arrived a few weeks later, hates my guts now because my room has a tiny old TV and hers doesn’t. It wasn’t even my choice to take this room, it was decided by the landlady. But sure, I’m an evil, TV-hogging bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 103

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

By Anonymous - 24/06/2023 06:00

Today, after 8 months of horrific insomnia, I finally got an appointment with a sleep specialist. His advice? "Google it, download this free app, and call me in 5 months if it gets worse." I haven't slept more than 4 hours uninterrupted since 2022. I'll be lucky to be alive in 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 123

Small world

By Anonyme - 25/11/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I went to my local grocery store in sweatpants and slippers to pick up some hangover food, thinking I wouldn’t run into anyone I know. I ran into my ex, her new partner, and his parents… twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 326

Date night

By Mal - 29/10/2010 20:02 - United States

Today, I finally mustered up the guts to ask this girl I like to dinner and a movie. She agreed on the terms that she could bring someone, and I'd said it wouldn't be a problem. When I met up with her a few hours later, I found out she'd brought her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 649

You deserved it 6 752

By Cup_of___ - 26/11/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 947

You deserved it 30 169

Baby girl

By Strawberry Shortcake - 30/11/2024 12:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, someone thought I was my boyfriend's daughter, instead of his girlfriend. I'm 4'11", he's 6'2", and this has happened four times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 149

No, you don't

By Anonymous - 19/03/2022 18:00 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found actual poop inside the washing machine. Gotta love roommates… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 103

Mystery turd

By Oddity_C - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while at work, I was picking up paper in the bathroom. In one stall I saw what I thought was a wadded piece of the brown paper to dry your hands. It wasn't until I realized it was sticking to my bare hand that I realized it was feces. Human feces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 650

You deserved it 15 713

Melted

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 03:30

Today, I found one of my boyfriend's earbuds in the dryer. He's gonna be pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 176

Broke

By Anonymous - 01/07/2023 15:00 - Australia

Today, a lady I know gave my 3 year-old daughter a little coin purse, saying, "Your mum can put some money in that for you." My daughter responded, "But mummy has no money." I would have laughed, had it not been spot on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 139

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 943

You deserved it 3 576

Life choices

By Anonymous - 07/07/2023 00:02 - Germany

Today, my man comes from a rich family but he doesn’t get along with them too well, and considers himself “blue collar by choice”. Apparently this entails forgetting basic human dress code, like it being a bad idea to wear a black shirt, unbuttoned, untucked, and with cargo pants for his new high-level office job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 230

Boo! Get better material!

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 18:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I recently met. He was quite funny throughout our meal, so I came home and told my flatmate all about him and the stories he'd told me. My flatmate said, "Hang on…", pulled out his laptop, and showed me some videos. All my date's jokes were stolen from Ricky Gervais. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 158

See ya!

By inefficiencies - 02/02/2021 05:10

Today, I was supposed to have a hospital appointment I've been waiting three months for, but they changed it to a phone call. The call consisted of the consultant asking questions and saying, "Yes, I see that in your notes", before concluding I need to a physical appointment and booking one… for three months' time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 68

Efficiency

By Anonymous - 28/04/2022 14:00

Today, and ever since our management implemented a time card 'clock in and out' system, it’s gone to hell. As long as the work was finished, the boss let us go at 3:30 so I could pick my kids up, but now I have to stay until at least 4:45 and rely on my 70 year-old mom to pick up and look after two hyperactive kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 233

Brain melting

By drunk n high - 17/07/2026 12:00 - United States - Reno

Today, while stumbling drunkenly down a trail, I saw a sign that said "Watch for Falling Rocks." I spent the next five minutes confused and wondering how I was supposed to know which rocks were planning to fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 386

By duped - 15/08/2011 05:45 - Pakistan

Today, our cleaning lady's son came to our house claiming that his mother had died of a heart attack. We gave him her entire month's salary as well as some extra money. A few hours later, our cleaning lady turned up for work. Turns out she doesn't have a son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 435

You deserved it 22 970

Clever

By Anonymous - 11/12/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I thought I'd been really clever by setting my alarm ten minutes earlier to get up on time. I did wake up ten minutes earlier… then promptly fell back asleep for another hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 463

By MomLovesMeLessThanTrash - 14/08/2011 04:36 - United States

Today, I slipped on a plastic bag that my mom, the hoarder, was keeping on the stairs. I fell and sprained my ankle, getting rug burn in the process. Her response? Getting mad at me, putting the bag back on the stairs, then getting another to add to the pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 166

You deserved it 2 714

By Masonlee89 - 21/11/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, it was supposed to be payday. Instead, it was the day I found out that, for two weeks, I have been volunteering for Habitat for Humanity, and am not actually employed by a construction company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 815

You deserved it 42 021

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The Top

Today, once again I was told I looked a bit like Lindsay Lohan. I can't figure out if they mean the young, good looking one, or the current cracked out rehab version. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 232

You deserved it 4 484

Today, I got an invitation in the mail for my dad's third wedding. My first name was misspelled on the envelope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 977

You deserved it 2 766

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she had fantasies about throwing him out a window when he was a baby because she was so depressed and couldn't handle the stress. The worst part is he wants to get married. She'd be my mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 704

You deserved it 4 329

Today, after realizing I had 130 unused vacation hours, I requested two weeks off. My vacation time was denied, but my boss still gave me the time off. So I don't have work for 2 weeks, all unpaid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 153

You deserved it 211

Today, I tried to compliment a colleague on her new hairstyle. I said, “You look different today!” She took it as an insult, thinking I meant she looked worse. She hasn’t spoken to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 182

Today, I learned that if you're going to light a bottle rocket and throw it out the window of a car, you should roll the window down before you light the bottle rocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 1 039