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Red handed

By grandpa porn - 28/08/2017 01:30

Spicy

Today, while I was walking to the kitchen, I heard someone on the TV moaning. As I made my way down the stairs, I saw my grandfather quickly change the channel and lean forward. I'm 90% sure I caught my grandpa watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 770

You deserved it 386

By lonely-mind - 04/09/2017 16:00

Today, in Tennessee, it stormed like crazy due to Hurricane Harvey. I brought my boyfriend home safely to his parents' house, but it rained harder once we arrived, so I started to wait inside. He's an adult but has a curfew, so they kicked me back out into the storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 899

You deserved it 401

By SuperShy - 06/09/2016 04:29 - United States - Massillon

Today, I realized just how shy and awkward I really am when I averted my eyes to avoid making eye contact with someone who turned out to be a cardboard cut-out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 284

You deserved it 2 146

Sashay away!

By Anonymous - 12/09/2017 20:00

Today, someone called out "Ma'am!" while approaching me from behind, but then said "Oops, sir!" when I turned around. I was wearing a corset and miniskirt with leggings. They were correct the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 778

You deserved it 398

Why would you say that?

By Rowaelin16 - 23/08/2016 02:50 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 085

You deserved it 1 485

By RIPJarJar - 20/10/2017 22:18

Today, my husband gave our three-year-old son a lesson on life and death. He did this by slaughtering our pet chicken for dinner in front of him. My son has been crying for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 665

You deserved it 503

The Customer Is Clueless

By Conner Johnson - 28/11/2017 05:00

Today, a customer walked up to me with a dog toy and said, "I knew one-stop shopping was a thing, but I didn't know you guys carried dildos." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 211

You deserved it 297

By Anonymous - 23/01/2018 15:00

Spicy

Today, my husband has had a low sex drive for a while now. I've been trying all sorts of things to pique his desire. Turns out that a conversation about Neil deGrasse Tyson was all I ever needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 621

You deserved it 577

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 15:00 - United Kingdom - Pontefract

Today, my mother, who has no life of her own, barged into my house and demanded to know why we hadn’t had kids yet after 6 months of marriage. She then hoovered the living room for a while, even though I did it yesterday, and only left after criticising my wife’s makeup and body weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 047

You deserved it 498

Cheesy.

By freshflowerz - 16/03/2018 05:00 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a yeast infection. It’s been 3 hours since I’ve been home and my husband won’t stop referring to me as "cheddar puss". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 385

You deserved it 469

By GoFigure - 15/06/2016 13:33 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my wedding is scheduled for next week. Today is also the day my whole family had an epic falling out, resulting in my mother disowning my brother. Apart from having them taking turns sobbing at me through the phone, they're also not coming to the wedding. I paid the hotel rooms in advance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 719

You deserved it 1 349

By anonymous - 06/06/2016 16:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, the strange cat that has adopted me inexplicably made its way into my house and curled up next to my head while I slept. I'm horribly allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 379

You deserved it 1 593

By No thanks - 20/05/2016 00:06 - United States

Today, I was called a bitch and "freaky as hell" because I don't like watermelon. I'm sorry, but just because I'm black doesn't mean I like watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 668

You deserved it 1 508

By wdones97 - 08/10/2018 14:00

Today, at my job, I was so tired and aggravated that I accidentally mumbled, "I need a drink." One of the patients I was taking care of heard me and said, "Me too." I work at an addiction rehab facility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 927

You deserved it 2 938

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Spicy

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 696

You deserved it 2 174

By Languages - 24/04/2017 16:58 - United States - Irving

Today, while eating in a Mexican restaurant, I asked the waitperson how the drink my husband ordered was pronounced in Spanish. She replied, "Vodka Martini." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 888

You deserved it 4 481

Exaspera tells us more.

Exaspera 54

Friday 21 April 2017 21:32

OP here. What a surprise, my first published FML! Being a Mexican restaurant, all of the employees there were Mexican. I try to keep up on my Spanish and wanted to know the translation. This one turned out to be rather easy to remember. Cheers!

By Lili - 27/06/2017 21:00 - France

Today, I got into a car accident. I hit a pole in the middle of the night trying to avoid a car that was coming at me head on. Actually, it was just the reflection of my own headlights in the windows of a bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 871

You deserved it 2 288

By oh_lordy_me - 24/09/2015 17:53 - United States - Chicago

Today, my cat still loves me too much. He schedules his dumps for when I'm doing my makeup in the bathroom so he can stay with me. I either have to suffer the noxious odor or be late for work. This is a daily thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 043

You deserved it 3 319

oh_lordy_me tells us more.

oh_lordy_me 18

Saturday 26 September 2015 3:39

OP here! I would love to move his litter box but in a one bedroom apartment it's pretty useless, unless I want the smell in the bedroom or living room/kitchen! As for shutting the door, I probably should! Took me a little while to realize what he was doing, since this is a recent habit of his. The little turd (pun intended) used to chill with me as I was getting ready and him meowing outside of the door is annoying as hell. But, yeah, all in all, I vacate the premises for a few minutes, light a candle and all is good :)

By Anonymous - 23/06/2017 04:00

Today, I asked my friend to hand in my homework for me since I have tonsillitis. She thought it would be funny to draw a big heart on it with my teacher's name inside, which she then handed in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 220

You deserved it 609

By Anonymous - 03/10/2016 14:09 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, while working the Sunday rush at the deli, I held up a piece of ham to a blind customer and asked him if it was thick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 230

You deserved it 3 593

By inappropes - 10/08/2017 16:00

Today, I got an angry text from a random number calling me a lying piece of shit. I then realized that was the first person to text me in weeks. I ended up having a fake argument with someone because I was so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 792

You deserved it 589

By T3kM4n - 20/09/2016 06:08 - United States - Spokane

Spicy

Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 959

You deserved it 1 256

By Munch - 11/09/2017 20:00 - Australia - Mordialloc

Today, my short-tempered, alcoholic boyfriend proudly showed me the rifle he bought. This guy regularly swears at his own sneezes and often flies into fits of rage because it's hard to get his shoe on. Time to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 335

You deserved it 914

By whoops - 02/09/2016 14:49 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Spicy

Today, I accidentally sent my boss an explicit text message. She replied saying, "Very detailed, if only you put that much effort into your work". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 646

You deserved it 6 180

What the…?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home from a month long vacation to find my house absolutely trashed with a lot of valuable items missing. Burglary? Nope. My dad, who was meant to be house-sitting for me, let the neighbour's teenage son have several parties there in exchange for weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 952

You deserved it 562

By mrtoolate - 19/06/2016 08:58 - India - Pune

Today, after a lifetime of being single, my parents finally found me a nice, intelligent, pretty girl. I was really excited, until she backed out on me when she found out our star signs don't match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 941

You deserved it 1 754

By oh no - 06/06/2016 15:45 - United States - Rochester

Today, I set my phone down at work in the back while I helped a customer. When I came back it was gone. It took me twenty minutes to find, duct taped to the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 168

You deserved it 3 080

Plebs need not apply.

By chels - 17/07/2018 19:00

Today, when my new boyfriend told me he liked playing games, he meant a 60" TV with a professional gaming chair in the middle of his living room, and 48-hour gaming marathons where he totally ignores me, refuses to sleep or shower, and only has energy drinks and cheerios. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 936

You deserved it 891

Believe me!

By DieuEstUnHomme - 03/02/2016 15:44 - France - Reims

Today, while on the tramway with my friend, we ended up discussing religion. When we started talking about God, some guy asked us, in a serious tone, to "stop talking about me" because it was really starting to bother him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 772

You deserved it 2 482

Ewwwwwwww

By Warriorwizzle - 14/12/2018 22:00 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, I had to move down to the third floor because after complaining about rats on my rooftop the landlord put down traps. The rats died. Flies came. The flies laid eggs. The eggs birthed maggots. The maggots rained down from my broken ceiling into my bed and all over my floor. I'm not okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 125

You deserved it 240

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The Top

The Top

Today, I told my mom that I want to try out for a singing competition on TV, so I might be able to kick off my musical career. She convinced me to sing a song for her, so I did. Mid-way through, she lost it, burst into laughter, and told me to stay in school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 984

You deserved it 12 253

Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 344

You deserved it 1 908

Today, my roomate's cats pooped on the floor again. He refuses to clean it up saying it will be easier to clean in 48 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 942

You deserved it 2 699

Today, my job application for McDonald's was rejected. This is the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 52

Today, I dropped my car keys down the elevator shaft at my dorm. I had parked my car at a parking meter, and now had no way to get change out of my car. It took six hours for someone to get my keys, and I now have a $75 parking ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 479

You deserved it 4 916

Today, I had a really big, satisfying shit in the loo of a pub several miles from home. After getting back to my table, my stomach rumbled, and, assuming it was just gas, I let it go. What followed was approximately a litre of brown water, soaking my underwear, jeans, and chair, and dribbling onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 449