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By OnPlanetVenus - 04/07/2013 04:41 - United States - Hallam

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 574

You deserved it 6 161

By PrintMaster - 20/07/2010 02:06 - United States

Today, as I was buying carrots, a little red light started flashing and an alarm sounded. Curious, I looked up, only to get sprayed in the face by a sprinkler for the produce section of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 874

You deserved it 9 434

By Steve.mc - 01/05/2011 07:03 - Canada

Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 487

You deserved it 7 982

By Anonymous - 14/02/2010 19:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the shower getting ready for a date, when my older sister thought it would be a laugh to turn out the light. Getting out of the shower to turn it back on, I slipped and hit on my head on the counter. Thanks, sis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 537

You deserved it 3 108

By SassyBasher - 18/10/2013 00:14 - United States - Taylors

Today, I created a poster trying to raise self-harm awareness in teens for my school. They sent me to the counselor, suspended me, and recommended I go to therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 216

You deserved it 4 982

SassyBasher tells us more.

SassyBasher 13

Friday 18 October 2013 20:53

The poster was not offensive in any way, there were no triggering pictures, and the principal okayed it but apparently changed his mind at the last minute WITHOUT telling me. The reason I was trying to raise awareness is because I recently lost a close friend to suicide after she cut to deeply.

By disciplinaryaction - 21/11/2011 07:02 - United States

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 790

You deserved it 3 360

Camping out

By Baggabbles123 - 08/06/2009 23:24 - Canada

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 460

You deserved it 9 354

By simply_meeeee - 20/07/2015 15:10 - United States - Glen Carbon

Today, after hours of waiting in line, I finally met my favorite band. After posing for a picture, I looked at my phone to find that instead of taking a picture with me and the band, my friend took selfies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 782

You deserved it 2 988

simply_meeeee tells us more.

simply_meeeee 26

Tuesday 21 July 2015 2:06

I'm surprised mine got published! And yeah, I was furious with her. Consider her unfriended!

By lonely otaku - 25/12/2013 07:46 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, Christmas changed my life. Last year I had a boyfriend to cuddle with on Christmas; this year I have a body pillow of an anime character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 453

You deserved it 7 410

The big reveal

By yeahthatsme - 30/07/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 972

You deserved it 29 408

By Username - 01/02/2011 15:40

Today, a snow storm rolled into my small town, leaving my car stuck under 3 feet of snow. I called my boss to tell her I couldn't drive to work. Her reply? "Walk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 430

You deserved it 5 898

By Sarah91 - 13/10/2008 08:23

Today, I was lying on the bed with my boyfriend. We were watching his cell phone when an automatic reminder message came on the screen: "Do not forget to tell a lie to babe about going out this Friday". FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 536

You deserved it 16 599

Awkward

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 293

You deserved it 51 706

By seussical65 - 14/04/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 741

You deserved it 93 586

Thanks for the memories

By savanna - 03/05/2012 04:46 - United States

Today, it was the concert of my life. I had bought tickets the minute they went on sale, and I'd anxiously waited until the concert date. Thirty minutes before the show, my friend got so drunk that we weren't allowed in, and I was stuck babysitting her all night in the hotel, completely missing the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 573

You deserved it 4 640

By Diesel - 03/05/2011 14:23 - Belgium

Today, my motorcycle was stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, the thief drove past me. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 502

You deserved it 4 593

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 11/03/2010 06:45 - United States

Today, it's the third anniversary of when I started looking for a new job. I'm still working at the job that made me want to get a new one and I haven't even had an interview for another one in almost two years. My Master's degree on the wall is looking more and more like a roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 723

You deserved it 3 572

By shredded - 12/02/2011 00:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent three and a half hours creating a Wikipedia page for myself. Three minutes after publishing, it was deleted due to me being a "Non-notable person nobody's ever heard of." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 329

You deserved it 56 239

By Anonymous - 25/09/2013 21:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 278

You deserved it 7 072

By Watchtower? More like fortress. - 19/10/2012 21:39 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 798

You deserved it 2 524

By Aggressive - 24/07/2013 13:12 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I came back from vacation only to find my 16-year-old son was throwing a party with over 30 kids in our house. My 33-year-old sister was having fun dancing on a table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 354

You deserved it 6 446

Aggressive tells us more.

Aggressive 11

Thursday 25 July 2013 10:30

My son had to clean up the mess, and pay for any damages, also he's grounded for a LONG time. Hopefully he'll learn from this. At the moment, my sisters still too drunk to be reasonable, I'll have to speak to her when she's sober. As for the kids at the party, most of their parents have been notified!

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 07:47

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 375

You deserved it 13 776