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By unknown - 28/05/2019 04:00

Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 427

You deserved it 330

Plans for fun

By no sex, boo - 18/12/2024 20:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my fiancee and I dropped off our kiddo at a birthday party. Since it's been a couple of weeks of no sex, I said, "We could have sex while he's gone!" She said "Or… we could clean!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 191

Right place, wrong person

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 05:01

Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close the door as I've seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 1 170

Don't panic!

By Anonymous - 19/07/2023 15:00

Today, I had a meeting with our partner company from Japan. I was instructed beforehand on bowing but when the time came I panicked, stood way too close, and headbutted their boss in the boobs. I was “politely” asked to leave the meeting. I’m so embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 779

No good deed…

By Anonymous - 21/12/2024 00:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, before I washed my husband’s stinky work jacket, I made sure to check the pockets. What I didn’t realise was that there was another pocket which had two USB sticks with all of his students’ work on them. The guilt trip has been going on for hours, and I’m 39 weeks pregnant, stressed out of my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 224

By Pame - 10/05/2017 21:00 - Argentina

Today, I lost the keys to my office in the morning. I had to find an excuse for my boss to lend me his set and copy them. At night when I got home, I realized that along with the keys to the office, I also lost the keys to my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 534

You deserved it 1 458

College life is hell

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 05:01

Today, my crush came up to me at a college party and said "I like you." I tried to be cool and said sarcastically, "Thank you. I like myself too. That was a wonderful prank." He was amazed, and asked me how I knew it was a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 256

Gentle prank

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 04:58 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my little sister swapped out the hard white cheese on the meat-cheese platter with slices of white chocolate and put some Skittles into the bowl of M&M's. My limited circle of friends and family in our safe social pandemic bubble think it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 111

You did what?

By Now we both get punished! - 06/08/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I'm so strapped for cash, I had to send my daughter to play with my neighbor's daughter, both are 5, because she gets fed there. She suddenly came home saying they're not friends anymore, bragging how she hit her and she bled while crying. Why? She bought 2 new toys and gave her one, so they have the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 126

Do it again

By Not Kevin - 18/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Denver

Today, after I'd ordered a birthday cake with my name written on it, I went to pick it up but the bakery messed up and wrote the name of the person who ordered one right before me. I stood at the party smiling while everyone congratulated “Kevin.” I am not called Kevin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 86

Weird family

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 14:01 - United States - Gloucester

Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 173

By LostSoul - 01/07/2019 22:00

Today, I found out why you never leave wet leather shoes in a van when it's over 90 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 1 289

Reverse Uno prank

By Anonymous - 13/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my best friend, who I hadn’t seen since last year, picked me up and we got to talking about our memories together. I brought up the time we both cheated on our girlfriends at a Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert. Little did I know his girlfriend was waiting in the back of the car to scare me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 966

I like big butts and I cannot lie

By ThiccBoi - 02/05/2022 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I was yet again cat-called while out jogging, with many men calling me "sexy lady" and even commenting on my "birthing hips", all because I chose to wear compression pants. I'm not even a woman, I'm just a guy with a really big butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 301

Congrats!

By Bittersweet - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, after 10 years of frequent international air travel, I got my seat upgraded for the very first time. Also, for the very first time in 10 years, the airline lost my luggage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 093

You deserved it 171

Inactive

By inbogota - 06/03/2021 21:30 - Colombia

Today, I had the most action in months when I woke up to a wet dream. I'm married, I guess that tells you all about my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 187

Sounds… lovely?

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 00:02 - Germany

Today, by being clumsy when putting my bread slices on a plate, I invented a sensational new type of sandwich: The Nutella-Salmon-Garlic Double-Decker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 443

By sirengamer - 15/06/2017 02:00 - United States

Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 999

You deserved it 315

Goodbye to love

By Obesity - 03/02/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I was feeling bitter about the ballyhoo surrounding Valentine’s Day. I made a status on Facebook saying the holiday was stupid. Someone commented, “You’re only saying that because you can’t get a boyfriend to save your life and haven’t been laid in years because you’re obese.” They’re right. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 573

By nosleep - 30/06/2017 16:46

Today, like every other day since I moved into this apartment a year ago, the construction crew started their noisy work at 5:30 in the morning. When I moved in I was promised it was a quiet neighborhood; only offices. What have they been building in the meantime? Three nightclubs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 616

You deserved it 296

Wakey wakey

By gumbymn - 17/03/2021 00:30

Today, I asked Alexa to turn on my baby's white noise machine. Instead, she started playing Pharrell Williams's "Happy" while the baby was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 411

SHUT UP

By Anonymous - 21/07/2019 16:15

Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 069

You deserved it 98

Zoning out

By Anonymous - 11/02/2025 00:00 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I went to get gas for my car. While waiting in line at the cash register, I was next person, and I noticed the cashier had her name tag on her boob. I like to know other people’s names, and the name tag said Irene. The cashier saw me looking at her breast so now I'm not sure if she thinks I’m a pervert or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 211

Small world, eh?

By Anonymous - 10/09/2023 06:00

Today, my husband is in the garden smashing a tree stump with a sledgehammer because our 22 year-old daughter brought her first serious boyfriend home. He’s my husband's boss, a man-whore who has been bragging about all the nasty stuff his new girlfriend does to him in bed, unaware of who her dad was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 129

Not under my watch!

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 22:00

Today, I told my dad I want to enlist in the army and he tried to lock me in my room. He did almost the same thing when I told him I wanted to do certain college courses to make it easier to become a police officer, only there was a lot more swearing and throwing of objects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 219

What is it with these dudes?

By Pancake butt - 16/09/2023 00:02

Today, I saw my husband comment on a celebrity’s Instagram post that he would “eat her ass like a cupcake.” I’ve asked him to do the same to me once and he told me wasn’t into eating ass. So when I called him out on it, he replied, “Maybe if you did squats and worked out that pancake butt of yours, I would.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 313

Please go outside

By Anonymous - 26/05/2022 14:00

Today, I just found out I have a roommate who smokes. I can’t change roommates for at least six months. I put on the form that I wanted a non-smoker because of health issues, but someone looked at the form wrong. At the moment they’re full up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 144

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 23/06/2022 14:00

Today, I got home and I was feeling horny so I leapt on my boyfriend, except he had just got home from a 16-hour day and was too tired. After his nap, he was horny but by that time I was way too tired and no longer horny. This is ridiculous, we can’t even get laid even though we live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 397

Absentee

By Superdad - 22/06/2022 06:00

Today, I told my daughter her mom was busy fighting aliens, so I wouldn’t have to tell her that her mom is just a shitty, self-absorbed bitch, who doesn’t deserve kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 1 111

Gaslighting 101

By Anon - 25/09/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, I volunteered to be a "mentally stable" person in a psychology experiment at my university. Little did I know, they'd paired me with a psychology grad student who asked me a series of increasingly bizarre and personal questions about my life. I ended up questioning my own sanity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 163

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The Top

Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 488

You deserved it 3 790

Today, I got a call from my younger brother's school to pick him up immediately. He had a test today, but he had the brilliant idea that by telling everyone he had head lice, he could go home. I had to leave work to pick him up, and now I have to take him to a doctor so they can see if he can go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 078

You deserved it 2 534

Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked six houses down and went to the party for 20 minutes. After coming out after three beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 296

You deserved it 57 247

Today, I rear-ended someone while trying to watch my odometer hit 80,000 miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 7 433

Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 657

You deserved it 156

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. On my way home, my legs gave out halfway up the stairs to my apartment, and I had to awkwardly sit there until I could crawl the rest of the way up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 154