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Unwarranted

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 01:59 - Germany - Norden

Today, I'm the only person in my company with almost zero chance of contracting COVID, because I literally have no social life. I'm also the only employee who has to get a COVID test every single day. Yay logic! FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 398

Mind your own beeswax, Amanda

By look in the mirror bitch - 10/11/2020 14:04

Today, I called someone out for her brazen homophobia. She was ranting about how gays are sinners. When I mentioned that she had three children by three different men, all out of wedlock, and was currently living with her boyfriend, also considered a sin, she reported me to HR for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 270

Clogged up

By Anonymous - 10/04/2026 12:00 - United States - El Paso

Today, I’m on my third week of my head cold. I wake up every day with barely a voice and I’m constantly spitting and blowing green tar out of my sinuses. Sleep? It’s a luxury until my nasal passages clog and I’m up for at least an hour clearing it up. No joke, I’m about to inhale whiskey up my nose as payback. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 66

Just asking questions

By <Still_Closeted> - 19/02/2022 03:59

Today, I had a long call with my crush, the only person I have been in regular contact with for the past year. He regularly calls me to check up on me, and really cares about my interests. I'm not sure if he likes me back, or is just being friendly, and I'm too scared to ask him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 519

Turn me on

By kk. - 24/02/2022 16:00

Today, I'm on my period and super bloated. My husband laid down next to me and said, "Hey pretty lady, wanna have a good time? Let me stick my pin in and let some of that air out", then made a deflating noise with a hand movement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 214

Best dad ever

By Anonymous - 07/05/2023 03:00

Today, while going through our CCTV, I noticed that when my boyfriend gets home he walks past my daughter, even if she wants him to pick her up, and will ignore her as long as he can until I get home, and only then does he interact with her where I can see. I was tipped off by our babysitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 233

By combovercaiti_ - 25/01/2019 12:00

Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 310

You deserved it 382

Love at first prompt

By Jessica - 08/05/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, my 37 year-old fiance is calling off our wedding for a 21 year-old woman from Colombia he’s been talking to online. He’s gonna marry her and bring her to the US. He’s been using ChatGPT to speak with her in Spanish. I’ve spent over $5000 on our wedding and was picking up my dress next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 72

No friends, no problems

By Anonymous - 10/05/2023 18:00 - Ireland - Waterford

Today, I realized the only things I do are work and sleep. My only friends are coworkers who I make small talk with. I live alone so I’ve got nothing there either. I can’t remember the last time I felt happy, or spoke to someone. Everyday is just a blur. I have no hobbies, no goals. Getting older is so fun, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 287

It wasn't me

By sonotsuave - 04/03/2019 12:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was tutoring. When my kids were finally working on their own, I stood in my classroom’s doorway to talk to my boss sitting outside about upcoming work. Suddenly, one of my students sitting directly behind me let out the loudest fart ever. I think my boss heard and thought it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010

You deserved it 209

Never forget

By Anonymous - 14/10/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, the guy I went to prom with way back in 2006 decided to message me out of the blue. He’s now one of those red pill, MGTOW, woman-hater types. He told me all the reasons he’s too good for me, and why I’ll never have a man like him. I’ve spoken to him maybe twice in the last 18 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 95

Alexa, play "I Can't Stand Up For Falling Down" by Elvis Costello

By Anonymous - 31/03/2022 00:01

Today, I’m finally getting over a bad accident I had, and I'm allowed to start walking again. Alas, I’ve been flat on my back in a hospital bed for so many months, I’m having to get used to standing upright again. I get so dizzy from standing, I keep falling and hurting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 84

By pencilskirt - 22/03/2019 00:00

Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 158

You deserved it 310

Badass

By I’m stressed - 22/12/2020 17:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, someone tried to open the stall I was in, and I instinctively screamed. I was yelled at and called, "incredibly rude and disrespectful." The lady then waited for me to come out so she could, "kick my ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 110

Don't bet on it

By Anonymous - 26/05/2023 10:00

Today, and for a few days, I've been sick, vomiting, with fever from a stomach bug. I was in the middle of a figure skating competition when it happened. I had just won and was gearing up for day two. I also just lost a best friend after they asked me to throw the competition and I declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 99

A for Effort

By Anonymous - 08/01/2021 02:01 - Australia

Today, I thought I would spice things up a bit and rocked my man's world, but in the kitchen. Apparently, some of his cum must have got on the tiles because I slipped on it 15 minutes later. In doing so I smacked my head on the fridge.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 694

By laundryduty - 15/06/2019 20:14

Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 998

You deserved it 186

By wookieewhosshe - 25/04/2019 14:00 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, my phone stopped charging. I panicked because I can't really afford to get it fixed, and it's too stressful a time at my last semester at university to not have a phone. I took it to the repair shop, and the man turned it off and on again. it works perfectly. I'm a total idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 1 875

By Iwasjustmovingout - 05/05/2019 00:00

Today, out of the blue, my husband suggested to his parents that they move to our town for the next six months, with the understanding that we’d see them nearly every day. I found out about this when they starting making plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 968

You deserved it 170

Who stole Chewbacca?

By Tate - 16/04/2022 12:00

Today, I invited a friend over and showed him my collectible action figures. He also collects the ones I do. There was this one particular rare one I own, and he was quite fascinated by it. It mysteriously vanished after he went home. He claims to know nothing about it, and got pissed for accusing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 143

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 27/04/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I learned my son has been picking on a girl he has a crush on. He apparently went too far, because she finally snapped and beat him up at recess. The teacher, who knew about this from the beginning and actively did nothing, is trying to throw me under the bus for being oblivious to my son's behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 536

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

By malicemassacre - 17/01/2021 23:01

Today, I found out that the rivalry between my boyfriend and my only friend I have in this city was just a cover up. I'm now a single mom of a 2 year-old and a 5 month-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 193

By Devil's Pigeon - 18/04/2017 14:00

Today, on vacation, I had my first encounter with a macaw parrot, who promptly bit my ear and shat on me while amused tourists laughed and took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 269

You deserved it 422

Jealous?

By Jen - 24/01/2021 19:58 - United States

Today, my unborn child's father told me he stood outside of my friend's house for an hour in the snow in the middle of the night because he thought I was with another guy. I was at her house helping with her four kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 152

By Anonymous - 20/05/2019 14:22

Today, I had to cover for a coworker so I worked a 12-hour shift. I worked so late, I missed the final episode of Game of Thrones, which I have been really looking forward to. Guess who texted me, talking about how it ended? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 185

You deserved it 339

Brainwashing

By stuck - 11/05/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, due to some serious health and financial issues, I literally have no choice but to have my mom watch my kids. She's turned my son into the most spoiled insufferable brat, I can’t stand it. Then I feel like I’m punishing him at home for what his grandmother enforces in hers. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 202

Eco-friendly

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 02:01

Today, my colleague heated 1,5 liters of water, waited visibly impatient the several minutes it took to boil, made himself one cup of tea, then poured the rest down the drain. Maximum amount of time and energy wasted in one go? Check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 122

Hot shit

By Well, shit - 07/12/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 104

Yada yada yada

By Anonymous - 04/02/2021 21:30

Today, after almost a year of no steady work, I struggled to get anything done once my 7-months pregnant girlfriend woke up at noon. She wanted to talk the whole time, and eventually broke down crying because of her relationship with her mother. I spent the the day consoling her. No wonder I can't get any work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 809

Picture perfect

By Anonymous - 17/04/2022 18:00

Today, my boyfriend proposed with the perfect ring, restaurant, flowers, and champagne. He’s never been this well prepared for anything in his life, so he admitted that my mother planned the whole thing and forced him to propose, even though neither of us want to get married. She even bought the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 173

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The Top

Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 053

You deserved it 2 808

Today, I had to sit and smile as a drunk lady ranted about how body hair on a woman is disgusting and unfeminine, then in the next breath say that only pedos like women who shave their vaginas. That's the last time I ever have dinner with my boyfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 875

You deserved it 2 352

Today, I found out that the "vines" I was cutting down this morning were actually poison oak. I can only see out of one eye, and I'm virtually unrecognizable due to the facial swelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 284

You deserved it 4 176

Today, I didn't even bother to turn my cellphone off in a movie theater because I knew no one would text me or call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 091

You deserved it 4 822

Today, I realized anytime I try to say anything, relatives will talk over me, change the subject, or go off on tangents about ancient family history that I don't want to hear for the 1000th time. Yet if I interrupt them once, I'm the bad one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 105

Today, thinking it would be funny I tried tricking my boyfriend into thinking my grandparents were cousins, and that I was the product of incest. This would have been a great prank, if he hadn't have said, "You know what? That actually makes sense. It all makes sense now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 1 560