Health: Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran...

By Anonymous - 30/07/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 453

You deserved it 4 175

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 00:46 - United States - Kerman

Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 306

You deserved it 7 322

Kinder stranger

By Me. - 11/04/2013 00:45 - United States - Ramona

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 481

You deserved it 12 724

Overreaction

By sadie - 01/04/2021 23:00

Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 116

By abi_vet_student - 13/02/2009 12:42 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 883

You deserved it 7 095

Another happy customer

By SupermarketSally - 25/11/2016 13:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 273

You deserved it 596

Face it!

By MooCow - 13/07/2011 03:13 - United States

Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 605

You deserved it 15 800

By ddriver100 - 05/06/2019 18:00

Today, I picked up some of my friends from a bar downtown. They were pretty drunk and were yelling stupid things at people walking by. After stopping to let a fat guy cross the street, they yelled, "Hurry up fatty!" He responded by throwing his milkshake at my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 620

You deserved it 822

By sumerflame07 - 01/12/2010 20:18 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, the elderly lady in front of me had forgotten to pay for her milk. In the spirit of the season, I paid for it and wished her happy holidays. She snatched the milk and gave me an ugly look. Then huffed at me before stomping off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 371

You deserved it 3 807

What's the deal with handbags?

By Clumsy - 18/03/2022 02:00

Today, a customer yelled and cursed at me, splashing spittle in my face, and to top it all off she wished “my mom would die in a fire.” All this because I accidentally spilled her milkshake all over her Louis Vuitton handbag. Apparently, it “costs more than my rent.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 291

By squeltorey - 03/08/2012 19:28 - United States - Whittier

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 831

You deserved it 11 184

NickyK 25

Saturday 30 July 2011 6:22

May the pasteurization be with you.

Omit 4

Saturday 30 July 2011 6:20

That happens a lot these days

Comments

fatballonguy 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 6:30

Probably a dumb dare : man I hate how creative dares are getting Q_Q

Kartor 6

Saturday 30 July 2011 6:30

How do you know she was 14? That's what I wanna know.

tacocannon99 5

Saturday 30 July 2011 6:33

I have done something similar...

lifesdownside 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 7:21

what did you do?

danielr1219 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 7:53

He had sex with your mom

veritasdgg 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 9:55

ITS JUSTIN BIEBER OMGGGG

tacocannon99 5

Saturday 30 July 2011 17:26

well, twas a warm summer night. I had danielr129 bending over a mount of hay. he let out an orgasmic roar as I angrily drilled my erection deep into his rectum. then, he was bound in pink furry handcuffs, and forced to recieve angry buttsex from vin deasle. then, we got frisky. he let out a startled yelp as I furiously jabbed my erection down his throat. then, for extra rectal stimulation, I shot a 350 pound, pressure powered nail gun up his tot little butt butt. to end it, I had sex with his mom. *he had to keep his breath in time with her pants as I brutally dominated her* I then ended it by savagely deep throating OP, which gave him a blood blister on his weenie. glad you asked?

xXshadowrollerXx 6

Saturday 30 July 2011 17:49

How did it take you to come up with that monstrosity?

tacocannon99 5

Saturday 30 July 2011 18:02

about 60 seconds to type that.

hellokat1 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 19:23

You're sick kid. I like it :p

tacocannon99 5

Saturday 30 July 2011 19:35

I try to please everybody. However I'm trolling most of the time with my sick comments. If I thought I was serious, I would thumbs me down too. The general public will eventually pick up on the trolling. but until then NOBODY PASSES MY BRIDGE!