Love: Today, my husband drew a penis on every one of my cigarettes.... - FML

By Jenn P - 22/04/2012 03:15 - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, my husband drew a penis on every one of my cigarettes. It's a new pack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 973

You deserved it 70 655

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Same thing different taste

By LizzyJones - 20/08/2013 17:38 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 200

You deserved it 8 990

It's the thought that counts

By sadwife - 31/05/2009 18:07 - United States

Today, I woke up and my husband said he got me a gift for our one year anniversary and that it was on the table. We laid around cuddling and when I finally got up I was expecting to walk out to beautiful bouquet of flowers. I got two packs of cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 698

You deserved it 10 793

By Anonymous - 25/06/2013 23:26 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 881

You deserved it 5 356

By Pimp Daddy - 30/04/2017 20:00

Today, my husband put "sexual favors" on the memo line for my contractor's check. His wife saw it and he had to quit mid-job. I'm stuck with a half-finished house and my husband thinks it's funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 582

You deserved it 544

Caught in 4K

By tanksfan - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 486

You deserved it 42 544

Pranked

By fucker43 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Atlanta

Today, my friend made the effort to draw a penis on every page in my analysis textbook in pen. I have to return this tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 983

You deserved it 4 761

By Anonymous - 27/06/2015 04:17 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 282

You deserved it 2 644

By fububc - 05/02/2010 15:14 - France

Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 852

You deserved it 6 428

By blushingbride - 09/02/2014 21:59 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 378

You deserved it 4 458

By Peach - 05/12/2017 15:00

Today, my husband finally decided to help with the laundry. He washed a pen and it exploded in the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 197

You deserved it 461

Next

Top comments

furfantasies 0

Sunday 22 April 2012 8:15

Smoking is bad anyways

Chris122990 4

Sunday 22 April 2012 8:18

I think he's subtly asking for a *******.

Comments

pixie4 1

Sunday 22 April 2012 22:55

Sorry op but that's hilarious

jakewash 0

Sunday 22 April 2012 23:09

Don't smoke then

lollipopcicle 6

Sunday 22 April 2012 23:12

shouldn't smoke anyway

Leftieswillrule 3

Sunday 22 April 2012 23:24

Put a **** in your mouth, it's healthier for you :D

jmashini 13

Sunday 22 April 2012 23:27

Buy a new pack. Problem solved.

Bitcheslovetoast 0

Sunday 22 April 2012 23:28

One way to stop smoking ?

mastersketcher97 3

Sunday 22 April 2012 23:29

He's teaching you the hard way that cigarettes are bad for your health :P

anon_cophed 3

Monday 23 April 2012 0:20

I wouldn't say that's the hard way to teach someone that smoking is bad for you. The hard way would be to take her to see someone who has emphysema through smoking and struggles to breathe while using an oxygen mask.... He was just being an ass.

cheer4everever 0

Monday 23 April 2012 0:07

He's telling u in a humorous way to STOP SMOKING!!!!!!!!

nuggetman213 0

Monday 23 April 2012 0:08

Stop smoking, then... Or you can just buy another

Turbolag25 7

Monday 23 April 2012 0:22

Simple Fix: Don't smoke...

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Today, I got a song stuck in my head and couldn't stop humming it, even during an important meeting. I didn't realise I was doing it until my boss stopped talking, looked at me, and said, "You OK over there Jim Morrison?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 741

Today, at a wild party, I cracked open a few glowsticks and drew patterns on my face and arms with the glowing liquid, then started dancing, hoping to impress some hotties. I was tearing it up until my skin started to burn, really bad. I ended up running out screaming and calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 785

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to yell out, "Pass the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 316

You deserved it 6 372

Today, I was sitting in a lecture about the history of the KKK and the problems it has caused, when the weirdest and quietest kid leans over my shoulder and says "I'd burn you first..." and winks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 257

You deserved it 3 656

Today, I was using the toilet at a friend's house when the toilet made a strange gurgling noise. Thinking it was just old plumbing, I flushed. The water started rising... and rising. Before I knew it, water, and whatever was in the toilet, began overflowing and flooding the bathroom. I had to go ask for help, and a mop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 128

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost a year because he was no longer sexually attracted to me because I'm "overweight," even though I only weigh 130 pounds. Afterward I went to my friend's house and sat in an old wooden chair. It broke into pieces as soon as I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 147

You deserved it 9 833