Intimacy Scarred for life

Scarred for life

Aly - 09/12/2011 15:40 - United States

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

more than I wanted to know - 13/05/2013 19:10 - Italy - San Giustino

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

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Anonymous - 16/01/2010 00:57 - Australia

Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML

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Don't wanna know

Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

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CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

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tobuscus9412 - 22/03/2015 01:04 - Australia - Woronora

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

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Anonymous - 26/06/2015 17:42 - Zambia

Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

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At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

Getmeoutofhere - 10/08/2017 17:15 - Australia

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said, "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

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confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

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Anonymous - 16/07/2012 00:12 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML

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Prepper

suze44 - - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

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WCARlover 34

Friday 9 December 2011 18:47

I'll keep that in mind for when I have kids lol

kikiwi_fml 9

Friday 9 December 2011 18:47

Looks like your dad has it figured out.

LimaCharlie 10

Saturday 10 December 2011 4:11

I'm gonna remember that one...

sly161 0

Saturday 10 December 2011 4:15

And know you've ruined sex for me...

ScreamingFits 0

Saturday 10 December 2011 5:45

Get the **** over it and shut up.

5t3ff1k4h 44

Saturday 10 December 2011 5:56

**** off, asshole. This site is for enjoyment of others' misfortunes.

beebananaz88 0

Saturday 10 December 2011 5:51

Sexy sex.

tonnyfong 3

Saturday 10 December 2011 6:01

Isnt it weird to think about your dad while having sex?

detorio 2

Saturday 10 December 2011 6:07

That's just naaasty! Do everything in you power to reverse that, watch Rom-Coms or whatever... Make it happen :)

thatKidzmOm 10

Saturday 10 December 2011 6:24

Made me think of Snatch.

Freeze_fml 16

Saturday 10 December 2011 6:24

Effective parenting at work.

philtography01 1

Saturday 10 December 2011 6:32

Well you're one less prego chick to worry about lol

yusaku02 20

Saturday 10 December 2011 7:54

Sounds like damn good parenting to me.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I caught my mom in the back row of one of my lectures, so I confronted her. Apparently she’s been doing this all year to make sure I’m paying attention in class and not making friends with the "wrong sort of people" (yes, she's a racist as well). I can't wait to move out of her house. FML

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Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML

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Today, I learned, 15 years later, that my puppy from when I was 4, was not taken by Santa because he was in need of a reindeer. My parents took him to the shelter because they thought he was ugly. FML

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Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother doesnt really have horrible nightmares. She's a screamer. FML

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Today, my fiancée is a Marvel fan, and insists her wedding ring be made of Palladium, the stuff that powers Iron Man’s heart. A ring in the style she wants costs almost £1000 and we are not wealthy, the budget for the entire wedding is only £4000, but she insists or she won’t marry me. FML

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Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

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