Intimacy: Nice!

Nice!

By BigPurplePresent - 28/07/2009 13:34 - South Africa

Today, I was really upset after work, so I tearfully asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 098

You deserved it 18 148

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

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Same thing different taste

By csgocockblock - 27/07/2016 17:26 - United States - Jenks

Today, when I got home from work I was pretty "in the mood" so I put on some cute undies and a tank top and went to get my boyfriends attention, he was so into his new computer game all I got was a half smile and a pat on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 466

You deserved it 2 739

By -___- - 29/09/2013 19:46 - United States - Winfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 814

You deserved it 27 704

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 15:21 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 370

You deserved it 6 846

Snuggle up

By addictedtofml - 24/02/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 832

You deserved it 19 991

Good one

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 00:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 4 394

By "BunnysKitty" - 15/09/2017 23:15

Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 087

You deserved it 910

Red-handed

By Anonymous - 08/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Wolcott

Today, I was really excited to fuck my boyfriend when I got home from work. When I got home, I found him excited and… fucking someone from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 210

So frustrating!

By Justawoman - 04/06/2014 15:52 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 605

You deserved it 8 646

By Anonymous - 02/09/2012 13:38 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 326

You deserved it 5 141

Ask first, snoop later

By Jenna Berreth - 07/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was trying to find my missing purple pen in the house I share with my boyfriend and his 57 year-old mother. I checked her room just in case, only to open a drawer and be greeted by a dildo. I’m never going to unsee that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 3 205

kawa_fml 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:01

aw, that's nice of him!

Dfeline 2

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:06

Ever considered that he was trying to make you laugh, consequently brightening your mood? Be glad. Most FML boyfriend's would just tell you to stop whining and make them a sandwich.

Comments

EzZy_Alpha 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:40

Heh,if my boyfriend did that I'd seriously laugh my ass off.

icertainlysuck 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:44

He was trying to brighten your mood, you self-centered bitch!

scateice 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:03

Idk, bout this 1....I'd say both of u r pretty ****** up in the head

IllegalLight 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:14

You should be happy that he's okay with you playing with yourself. Some guys I know aren't because it makes them feel too inadequate/they'd rather do you themselves.

letitbe56 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:46

Wow, seriously? So are they prepared also to stop jacking off when they get into a relationship? That's kind of a ****** up way of thinking about it.

cactus_fml 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:22

I've never heard of a guy like this, just girls. Guys are usually like, "Oooo, can I watch?" And if someone does have a problem with it they need a self esteem check. :/ On the other hand... How would a guy or girl know if their boyfriend or girlfriend had been masturbating anyways? You could just lie about it. 0.o Secret cameras maybe? Creeeepy.

letitbe56 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:29

Again, though...what girl expects her boyfriend not to **********? Guys who feel ashamed about masturbating are less likely to know how to enjoy a sustained sexual experience as opposed to just racing towards ejaculation so that it can be over quickly. Life would be so much better for everyone if masturbating weren't so taboo.

portablecupid 3

Wednesday 29 July 2009 9:12

i ask my boyfriend if i can watch and ima chick, haha

A_dead_guy 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:36

that's not a bad thing maybe you can use it during your 'together time'

mike28_fml 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:59

Sounds like you have a great boyfriend.

Hummingbird114 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:35

This is not an FML. You have a guy who comes when you call, and brings you presents. And yes, a ***** counts as a present. Get over it. This is another "Why do I care?" FML