Love, Pregnancy Alcohol Let that sink in

Let that sink in

Anonymous - 04/10/2010 21:42 - Canada

Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Family portrait

Anonymous - 29/05/2022 14:00

Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML

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Ambulances ain't cheap

Mom - 29/03/2024 03:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML

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Lady Cuntsnatch of Fallopia - 04/01/2015 01:30 - United States - Yuba City

Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML

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Xbieblette51 - 19/08/2014 22:30 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML

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Is everything OK?

Anonymous - 16/08/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son was so hungover at his wedding that he fell asleep standing at the altar and fell over onto his pregnant wife, knocking her backwards onto the floor. What should have been a happy occasion turned into a farce as we rushed her to hospital to check the baby was OK. FML

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thelunarwolf - 02/03/2011 03:41

Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML

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The Phone Call

turnmyphoneoff - 24/09/2019 00:01

Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML

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Anonymous - 14/02/2015 02:43 - United States - Titusville

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

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Misbehaving

anonymous - 05/02/2013 05:22 - United States - Hampton

Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML

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wifeofafainter - 24/09/2015 06:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML

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perstephane 4

Tuesday 5 October 2010 1:05

*Long distance support* What a jerk move! Hang in there!

justsayfuck 5

Tuesday 5 October 2010 1:06

Oh wow.. that is terrible. I don't see how he can save himself from this one, bonding issues?

lasage_fml 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 4:47

this man is a true bro. he should be commended

heliumhead 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 4:48

At least he knows the code

fml_as_usual 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 4:48

this is one of the most awesome things i've ever read. lol

YaoiDoll19 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 4:49

I would have killed him. No reason for him to say something like that drunk or not. I am sorry.

PhillyFox 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 5:05

Why is your husband out at a bar getting smashed when you're about to have a kid anyway? You should take a good long look at your marriage.

guyjones 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 5:13

give him a high five! he is a dick but you gotta give it to him, that was a goodn

JacksonCampbell 9

Tuesday 5 October 2010 5:19

Misspelling something in capital letters. Good job.

Randomolio 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 5:22

congratulations, on the kid not the husband

gomerturd 1

Tuesday 5 October 2010 5:25

YDI you're the ho that married him.

steph_G777 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 5:32

Your comment :WTF!!!! Is your husband 10?!?

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML

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Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML

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Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

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Today, was the third day of my camping trip with my "friends". I woke up in my boxers with my hand glued to my forehead. FML

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Today, the guy I’ve been seeing ghosted me. I called, and he answered on the fourth call. He said, “Listen, you’re too fat for me and you eat like a slob everytime we go out to eat. Try getting a salad instead of chicken wings and onion rings, and maybe you’ll keep a man. Do it for your health too.” and hung up. FML

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Today, I found out that the girl I went on a date with, and refused to sleep with me because she, “doesn’t have sex on the first date” had no qualms about sleeping with my buddy on his first date with her. FML

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