Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he's named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML
Today, while on a road trip through Australia with my dad, we were both complaining that we had yet to see any kangaroos. Suddenly, we saw one up real close. The rental car saw it even closer. FML
Today, I was in a restroom, reading this site, when another gentleman walked in. He washed his hands, dried them, nodded at me, then left. It wouldn't ordinarily be so weird, except I was in a one-person restroom. FML
Today, my husband of twenty years thinks I don’t love him. Why? Because I won’t fart in front of him. FML
Today, at my theatre group, I was supposed to stamp my foot in a tantrum then exit stage left. I stamped my foot at just the right height and power for it to go all the way up my leg and dislocate my hip. I’m only 36 and now I might have a bad hip for the rest of my life. FML
Today, the guy I broke up with for not putting any effort into the relationship asked if he could make it up to me by taking me out to lunch. He stood me up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I cleaned his parents' whole house while they were out, just to be nice. When they came home, they assumed we only did it because we'd made some huge mess that we needed to hide. I'm now banned from their house. FML
Does he kiss the dog like she's you, too?
I once named a Pokemon after an ex girlfriend... Of course it was magikarp denoting how much of a "dead fish" she was in bed.