Miscellaneous: Catch

Catch

By Anonymous - 30/05/2011 08:28 - Australia

Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 250

You deserved it 11 899

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Same thing different taste

By Lucas79 - 08/10/2011 01:23 - Australia

Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 264

You deserved it 3 438

Better safe than sorry

By Anonymous - 02/11/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 222

You deserved it 4 168

By Confused - 23/03/2012 15:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 155

You deserved it 5 430

By oops - 19/04/2011 15:37 - United States

Today, as I was out walking, one homeless man sitting with two others asked me for something to eat. Trying to do a good deed, I bought the three men a bag of apples. They then fought viciously over them before the first man chased me for handing them to "the wrong one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 219

You deserved it 4 516

Get back here

By Anonyme - 30/08/2013 10:59 - France - Ivry-sur-seine

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 148

You deserved it 36 015

Smooth criminal

By Anonymous - 28/04/2012 01:55 - United States - Darien

Today, I was walking down the street, when a little old lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 685

You deserved it 2 585

Lawyer up

By gnofin - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 939

You deserved it 3 179

By Tyler - 03/09/2012 09:37 - Australia - Killara

Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 244

You deserved it 1 985

By whathehell - 27/04/2013 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 160

You deserved it 3 644

By Anonymous - 14/02/2013 00:00 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 384

You deserved it 5 112

rosha267 21

Monday 30 May 2011 16:02

How are apples an alternative to cigarettes?

Egnar 19

Monday 30 May 2011 16:02

"Hey I don't smoke, but here have some apples?" - More than likely the thought of something like that, no matter how sincere you were, probably sounded condescending to her. . As if you were better than her and pitied her for smoking. Really should have just said no, sorry I don't smoke.

Comments

CitrusGirl 0

Monday 30 May 2011 16:12

Granny smith or golden delicious? It makes a difference.

sheethapins 13

Monday 30 May 2011 17:42

Golden Delicious > Granny Smith

illmatic2 16

Monday 30 May 2011 18:52

Fuji > everything else.

CitrusGirl 0

Monday 30 May 2011 19:01

I only like Granny Smith apples with caramel, to be honest.

0215mike 2

Monday 30 May 2011 16:13

wtf y would u offer her apples as an alternative to cigerettes

0215mike 2

Monday 30 May 2011 16:38

fail on ur part but he said she looks like a rough women he should have just said he doesnt have cigarettes

geeksaresexy 18

Monday 30 May 2011 17:05

OP is female for a start.. If the woman was rough looking she probably didn't want to get battered by her!

savy7093 9

Monday 30 May 2011 16:14

Fail apples.

khaya 9

Monday 30 May 2011 16:19

You know what they say, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. But two apples a day keeps the crazy bag lady in play.

christyxbee 15

Monday 30 May 2011 16:27

But... she didn't have a bag

geeksaresexy 18

Monday 30 May 2011 17:01

how do you know?

Blueglasscup 18

Monday 30 May 2011 16:19

Damn what a waste of some perfectly good apples! Unless they were green apples of course...

livin_plur 0

Monday 30 May 2011 19:05

green apples are the best idk what you're talking about :)

RugbyKid 0

Monday 30 May 2011 23:22

no blue apples are best, genetic mutations ftw

marix54888 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 5:50

Pears are better than apples. now we know why OP gave apples, must save the pears.

ChrisLTC 3

Monday 30 May 2011 16:20

At least you hadn't just bought a bag of bowling balls!

lalalaughter 0

Monday 30 May 2011 16:43

"oh, i dont have a cigarette.. here, you can smoke this bowling ball if you'd like!"

josh5634 0

Monday 30 May 2011 22:03

^it got two thumbs up :)

Socks91 16

Monday 30 May 2011 16:23

Yes, because apples are a perfectly good alternative to cigarettes. If you offered me apples when I was asking for a cigarette I would have thrown them at you too! It's a perfectly acceptable Australian response.