EarlMurmur

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Earlmurmur's favorite FMLs

Well, this is awkward

By Samantha - 29/03/2009 03:14 - Canada

Today, I was having lunch at a cafe. There was an attractive guy looking at me from another table. I smiled back and gave a little wink. A minute later he approached me. I introduced myself and asked if he wanted my number. He said, "Um, no but what are you eating? It looks really good" FML

agreeclassic 50 215

vote type 1 21 880

False flag

By Anonymous - 25/05/2015 16:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

agreeclassic 33 771

vote type 1 2 458

By roadie42 - 25/05/2015 03:15 - United States - Farmington

Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML

agreeclassic 33 988

vote type 1 3 103

roadie42 app_comment_confession_title

roadie42 21

Monday 25 May 2015 17:49

Hey, OP here! The vet was worried that he might have a concussion, so they gave him shots to prevent/reduce any swelling. I think he also received a sedative for the x-ray. Anyway, he's doing just fine now...back to his normal happy self. And he got some turkey in the end for his trouble :)

By S to the HIT - 08/04/2015 16:08 - United States

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

agreeclassic 18 894

vote type 1 35 902

By systematicpanic - 20/03/2014 16:48 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortified. FML

agreeclassic 43 038

vote type 1 4 842

systematicpanic app_comment_confession_title

systematicpanic 11

Thursday 20 March 2014 23:43

I'm in second year of uni, and it was a nap i took to psyche myself up for starting the next essay I have to submit by Monday :P so yeah stress is the word!