horns69

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Rexburg, USA
39 years-old
Thursday 27 February 1986
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Horns69's favorite FMLs

By ewww - 03/12/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

agreeclassic 42 408

vote type 1 3 884

Prank war W

By Anonymous - 20/08/2014 21:03 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

agreeclassic 55 408

vote type 1 9 952

By Spooprfailed - 08/04/2014 05:32 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

agreeclassic 40 443

vote type 1 65 837

Spooprfailed app_comment_confession_title

Spooprfailed 7

Wednesday 9 April 2014 21:42

Hello folks. Just wanted to clear up a few misconceptions! 1) My girlfriend is both beautiful and very fit. Which is incredibly lucky about me because... 2) We laughed hysterically about it for a while, since it was just such a ridiculous thing to come out of my mouth. The mood WAS ruined for a little while (but not for too long ;) she's THAT awesome), but we've been laughing about it ever since. I am very happy not single (despite my scumbag brain's best efforts). And for anyone who things this reply sounds as if I had a gun to my head and was writing whatever my gf told me to... please call 911

By mississippi123 - 06/08/2012 05:41 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML

agreeclassic 31 070

vote type 1 2 567

By Anonymous - 25/07/2012 10:54 - United States - Murrieta

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

agreeclassic 31 567

vote type 1 13 836