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Bigbird44's favorite FMLs

Good boy

By anonymous - 16/03/2011 02:05

Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML

agreeclassic 42 200

vote type 1 6 163

Life advice

By Anonymous - 13/08/2014 15:19 - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

agreeclassic 41 309

vote type 1 7 325

Mfing kids

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Salem

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

agreeclassic 45 929

vote type 1 5 475

By Baby eater - 20/05/2014 00:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

agreeclassic 51 531

vote type 1 5 840

By unlovedmommy - 08/05/2014 21:49 - United States - Rowlett

Today, my four year old son came into the restroom while I was applying my make-up, and asked me "Mommy, are you putting on make-up so that someone will love you?" FML

agreeclassic 55 340

vote type 1 11 513

unlovedmommy app_comment_confession_title

unlovedmommy 8

Saturday 10 May 2014 3:02

OP here! My son says funny things like this frequently, and it never offends me! I encourage his sense of humor, even if he doesn't know what he's saying or why it's funny! I even tell other people about it, so they can get a laugh too. I was encouraged by my brother to post on fml, because it was that funny! He'll tell me sometimes that I don't look pretty yet until I've completed my make-up. That question made my day. After he said it, I just started laughing really hard, and said that was funny. He said it wasn't funny, and told me to stop laughing, which made it funnier! I'm married, so I'm not trying to get someone to love me. I don't really wear a lot of make-up anyway, so it's not really the "high school girl make-up" thing either. And I am an adult. Oh yea, and I say "restroom"! Thanks for all the caring and funny comments! :)