borntorun98

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Borntorun98's favorite FMLs

By stanDman - 19/01/2009 18:05 - Canada

Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

agreeclassic 39 475

vote type 1 10 479

By FullOfNick - 10/09/2011 07:11 - United States

Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML

agreeclassic 17 680

vote type 1 35 894

By omfgnooo - 09/09/2011 23:22 - United States

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

agreeclassic 17 870

vote type 1 54 921

By Not_you17 - 09/09/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, I needed to pay off a $35 parking ticket. To try and get some sort of revenge, I went to the bank and got 3,500 pennies, dumped them into a bucket, and refused to pay with anything besides the pennies. They called the police. I was arrested and cited $147. FML

agreeclassic 21 448

vote type 1 49 182

Not_you17 app_comment_confession_title

Not_you17 0

Saturday 10 September 2011 20:01

Ok so here is an update, they canceled my $147 fine because I was using 100% legal us tender. However in order to pay off the $35 in pennies they had to either be rolled by the bank or I had to count them 1 by 1, so I rolled 'em.

By maryrain - 11/08/2011 09:35 - United States

Today, was the first day of my sophomore year. While receiving my schedule, I burst into tears at the sight of a disfigured midget. I'm now seen as the school bitch for making fun of a midget. I have a genuine fear of midgets. FML

agreeclassic 21 581

vote type 1 45 013

maryrain app_comment_confession_title

maryrain 0

Friday 12 August 2011 0:12

I'm not saying that all midgets are disfigured. what I meant was that that particular person has an actual disfigured face. And yes, I do have a legitimate reason for my fear. I don't feel inclined to share that reason because then all of the people who already believe I was being an ass will still not agree with me. the last thing I wanted to do was hurt/insult her.