Your everyday life stories - FML

seadrick - 06/06/2015 16:19 - Canada - Granville Ferry

Today, I learned that not only do wood ticks have a habit of dropping off of branches onto you as you walk under them, they also like to hang out in groups of five or six. FML

26 821

2 141

coolcocoxxx - 25/08/2012 06:53 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I found out that my crush didn't remember calling me beautiful, telling me he liked me, or any of the other romantic things he said to me while drunk last night. He did however remember me promising to bake him cookies. FML

26 820

3 161

coolcocoxxx

coolcocoxxx 12

Saturday 25 August 2012 19:40

For anyone wondering, he didn't get the cookies. And it was before he started flirting with me... His birthday was coming up soo

meghancuma - 22/09/2015 17:25 - United States - Springfield

Today, I got fired from my nannying job because one of the mom's several boyfriends mentioned that he found me attractive. FML

26 818

1 576

meghancuma

meghancuma 14

Wednesday 23 September 2015 3:16

OP here, her kids were the best. That's the worst part of losing the job.

An attempt was made

bubblewrap - 20/10/2015 10:13 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML

26 817

11 984

Living free

WhatTheFuck - - United States - Bridgeview

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

26 815

1 823

yuckduck - 10/04/2015 12:29 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I went to a job interview. It would have been fine if I had remembered it was over the phone, and not in person. I drove two hours. FML

26 815

10 271

yuckduck

yuckduck 9

Friday 10 April 2015 22:53

Ok guys, figured I'd give a quick update. Thanks to all of you who realized it was a mistake anyone could make! Lately I've been looking for a job, so I have a lot of interviews to keep straight. I had this interview, and another one tomorrow and they are both in the same town, I thought the interview tomorrow was the phone interview, and the one today was in person. Unfortunately I made a mistake, but I've learned to definitely keep my things more organized. The interviewer also completely understood and let me do it in person anyways. Hopefully you all learn from my mistake

jdch_99 - 03/11/2012 05:34 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML

26 814

1 752

Anonymous - 01/11/2012 05:08 - United States - Surprise

Today, I had surgery on my arm. My mom has recently had the same surgery, and my dad is having his first rib removed and won't be able to move his arm. My family combined now has three functioning arms. FML

26 813

1 911

Anonymous - 21/03/2012 12:21 - United States

Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML

26 813

7 628

zachjm98 - 15/09/2015 10:31 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my teacher plugged the speakers into the wrong input on his computer, and said, "Oops, wrong hole", to which one of the students who often makes the same mistake said, "Story of my life". I understood it differently and started laughing. It would have been fine if the teacher wasn't her father. FML

26 813

3 648

zachjm98

zachjm98 16

Wednesday 16 September 2015 4:37

OP here!! Wow, thanks for the funny comments, guys! If I knew this would have gotten featured so quickly I would have made an account beforehand! Anyways, quick follow-up: This "class" of mine is actually a co-op program in music for songwriting/recording/touring which I'm doing a second time now. My teacher knows me well, the student in question is my best friend and her father found the incident to be quite funny actually. All is good!

AmNot - 05/08/2010 04:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend woke up to the flash of a camera. It was his mother taking pictures of my shoe print on his window sill and night stand. She said she was collecting evidence proving I snuck in through his window last night. FML

26 812

9 777

SteamLass765 - 13/08/2015 09:58

Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML

26 812

1 774

Take the L

JPPUDLY - - United States - Los Gatos

Today, I had to create a perfect society in English class; the best society has their grade go up a full letter. After tons of preparation and thinking, I lost to an island made only of cheese. FML

26 812

2 510

asparagus piss - 19/10/2012 17:05 - United States - Tifton

Today, after having loaned my girlfriend money after she claimed to be broke and unable to pay her rent and electricity bills, she went out, spent it all on a new purse and phone, and now refuses to pay me back. FML

26 812

6 637

Ima in Hungary - 22/03/2012 12:06 - United States - Silsbee

Today, my boyfriend drove to my house to break up with me. He only did so after I'd vacuumed the whole house to compensate for his cat allergies. I thought he was just coming to dinner. FML

26 811

2 605

Anonymous - 16/03/2012 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

26 811

13 720

CaptainFluffyPaw - 29/06/2015 01:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

26 810

1 876

not a dumbass pothead - 08/04/2014 22:04 - United States - Sparks

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

26 808

46 750

neveragain89 - 06/01/2012 00:37 - Australia

Today, I had shelves installed using a builder who came highly recommended by my co-worker. Turns out the builder is her friend, who has no actual qualifications or experience as a builder, but 'it's his dream'. I now have a gaping hole in my kitchen where the shelves should be. FML

26 808

5 335

Anonymous - 20/09/2015 13:24 - United States

Today, while enjoying a truly epic move from my wife in the hotel shower, I managed to accidentally pull the "grab bar" from the wall and clock her in the side of the head. Three stitches at the Urgent Care later, she's explaining to the entire waiting room how it happened. FML

26 808

3 474

tannarox - 28/01/2012 15:46 - United States

Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML

26 805

2 564

stutterernotschizophrenic - 15/11/2010 03:43

Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn't plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I'm schizophrenic. FML

26 805

2 999

My little friends

Annonymous - - United States

Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML

26 804

2 025

The Last One - 11/03/2012 06:39 - Canada

Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML

26 803

2 248

Get off your ass

nepotwatism @ its finest - 23/09/2015 15:05 - Sweden - Halmstad

Today, my boss told me I have to start work 4 hours early tomorrow, because that my coworker, who happens to be his son, will not be coming in because he's "too tired". I work 10 hours a day, 6 days a week without complaining. His son works two 4-hour shifts a week. FML

26 801

1 835

anonymous neighbor - 30/01/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

26 799

6 648

SpeakerPhone - 14/11/2009 17:31 - France

Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I have an important call waiting. I put the call through. It was my beautician, confirming my appointment to get rid of an ingrown hair. I hurriedly confirm and hang up to see everyone in the room giggling. The speaker phone was on. FML

26 792

7 345

Probably not

Michael tee - - United States

Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML

26 791

5 146

bystander - 07/02/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

26 791

2 905

meow - 14/01/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

26 788

4 499

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my mother has stooped to a new level of "hiding" Christmas gifts. She now just dumps them in the middle of the floor and says, "Don't look at them." If she even thinks I'm glancing in the direction of the pile, she will burst into a manic rage, and yell at me for "ruining the surprise." FML

32 214

7 693

Today, a few days within moving back in with my mother, I received sympathy flowers for my deceased son. They were from my ex-neighbor, the bitch who was supposed to be watching him but instead decided to have sex with my soon to be ex-husband in the house while my son drowned in the pool. FML

2 144

150

Today, I wanted to take a nap after cleaning my apartment, so I put the trash outside the front door and put a note on the door for my roommate, saying, "Please take the trash out when you leave for work." When I woke up, the note was gone but the trash was still there. FML

11 400

1 996

Today, I found out that my very expensive and beautiful smelling perfume attracts wasps. Whenever I go out, wherever I am, I am followed by multiple wasps. FML

25 759

6 278

Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML

40 155

3 149

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

26 460

20 962