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The all-time greatest FMLs

By MegaBear - 15/06/2011 05:46 - United States

Today, I watched my boss try to stick a magnet to cardboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 809

You deserved it 3 812

MegaBear tells us more.

MegaBear 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 13:32

Boss wasn't playing around. I did find it amusing and sad at the same time that they are my boss...

By unlucky - 29/03/2014 23:06 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 808

You deserved it 3 402

Morning glory

By aqua88 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Malaysia

Today, I found out that our water tank has had a dead crow rotting in it for days. I took showers and brushed my teeth with dead crow soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 807

You deserved it 3 378

By Noname - 18/02/2009 02:52 - United States

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 805

You deserved it 3 696

By lababy - 15/11/2011 17:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 803

You deserved it 21 187

By uglychick - 05/09/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, my brother came out of the shower and sat with my mom and me on the couch. He then says he liked the idea of the extra toothbrush in the shower, it helps him clean between his toes. I have been using that to brush my teeth for the last two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 801

You deserved it 9 750

By oh my son - 23/12/2012 06:02 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 795

You deserved it 5 798

By grandma - 08/02/2014 15:12 - United States - Barnesville

Today, I check my phone regularly for calls or texts from her. I take her out to eat frequently, and we sleep in the same bed sometimes. Today I realized the closest thing I have to a boyfriend is my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 794

You deserved it 7 236

Keep quiet

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 23:12 - United States - Hollywood

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 792

You deserved it 3 485

Lazy ass

By Anonymous - 23/04/2015 17:04 - United States - Cherry Hill

Spicy

Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 787

You deserved it 3 328

Make your mind up

By SickandTired - 22/03/2011 16:59 - Australia

Today, I went to work despite having a nasty cold. I didn't call up sick because last week when I called in, my boss said I was being "unprofessional and unacceptable." My boss sent me home with a written warning today, claiming that coming to work sick was "unprofessional and unacceptable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 787

You deserved it 3 784

By insomnitude - 05/03/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 786

You deserved it 13 806

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 09:19 - Australia

Today, after moving house, changing my number, my email, and beginning legal action to get away from a girl who was stalking me, I decided to go to the movies to relax. As soon as I got in my seat, that same girl walked into the nearly empty theatre. She sat next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 786

You deserved it 3 179

Are you lonesome tonight?

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my two best friends decided to boycott Valentine's Day, ditching their boyfriends to hang out together. Not only am I single, but I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 785

You deserved it 2 702

How ironic

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I'd gathered enough solid evidence to justify dumping my cheating girlfriend. When I turned up, she broke up with me before I had a chance to confront her. Why? Apparently I have trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 785

You deserved it 8 547

By Anonymous - 08/08/2014 06:13 - Singapore

Today, my boss pretty much told me that I'm too ugly to meet clients, and should stay in the office doing the paperwork. So basically, I'm a modern day Hunchback of Notre Dame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 784

You deserved it 3 842

By Locked Out - 14/05/2013 19:11 - United States

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds had made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 783

You deserved it 3 547

Do I know you?

By steph2052 - 13/07/2011 00:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I came across the topic of school while chatting. He asked me what high school I went to and where I moved from. I have lived here my whole life, he was my crush for four years, and was in my classes throughout those years. He doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 783

You deserved it 3 987

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 12:02 - United States - Belmont

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 783

You deserved it 4 167

By LyraAlluse - 18/05/2014 23:35 - United States - Chandler

Today, my cat decided to hide in the garbage can so he could get a free trip outside, but was too fat to climb all of the way inside of it. He got stuck half-way in. It took me ten minutes to get him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 781

You deserved it 6 229

LyraAlluse tells us more.

LyraAlluse 25

Monday 19 May 2014 14:54

He got stuck in one of those oddly shaped bathroom trashcans. And it was his tail end that got stuck, so he was sticking out of the trashcan like a jack-in-the-box. Because the can was oddly shaped it was hard to figure out how to get the cat free and make it as humane as possible. Also, the cat kept trying to roll around in the trash can because he thought it would help. My cat isn't the brightest crayon in the package but he is pretty funny.

By dubblechic - 18/01/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with a voice card. It said "Marry me Amber?" I'm not Amber. That's his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 780

You deserved it 3 453

xXDubbleChic tells us more.

xXDubbleChic 11

Monday 24 January 2011 3:07

I dumped him on the spot

By help me! - 02/10/2010 14:26 - United Kingdom

Today, the girl my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with had a job interview at my place of work. If she gets the job, she'll be my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 778

You deserved it 2 987

By Anonymous - 26/06/2013 09:07 - United States

Today, someone came into the store I work at, laughed at my name on my name-tag, and left without even buying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 778

You deserved it 3 946

By ahuman - 29/09/2013 05:10 - United States

Today, I saw two kids having a fistfight in the street. I ran over to stop them, and one ended up hitting me in the eye. I now have a black eye over what turned out to have been a fight over who was going to get the last slice of pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 777

You deserved it 9 777

Keep us posted

By suxx - 25/06/2011 08:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked around for hours with a Post-it on my back reading, "I JUST HAD SEX!" My boyfriend stuck it on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 777

You deserved it 8 231

By Anonymous - 01/01/2014 05:38 - United States - Albany

Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 776

You deserved it 6 454

By Ouch - 25/04/2011 19:31 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 776

You deserved it 20 708

By amandapurple - 22/02/2009 19:02 - United States

Today, I finally won an ongoing battle with my family to go to a restaurant I like, rather than a restaurant I hate with a passion. Now I'm throwing up, and my back is killing me. I'm the only one who got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 770

You deserved it 12 395

By cocacola999 - 03/05/2014 10:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety, I was trying to take part in conversations. So, when a girl mentioned she had a doctor's appointment next morning, I blurted out: "What kind of a doctor?" Everyone stared as she responded: "A gynaecologist." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 770

You deserved it 7 813

By secret - 02/11/2010 19:11 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me it was a mistake to propose to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 765

You deserved it 5 442

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Today, my 5 month old son decided that my lip ring was a toy. Thinking it would be ok, I let him touch it. He got his finger caught and pulled his hand back. The lip ring is still in, but now I have a huge gaping hole in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 516

You deserved it 53 892

Today, I had an important Powerpoint presentation for ALL the big execs at work. It seems that during my lunch break, my boyfriend IMed me on my Mac, saying, "Feeling so horny right now, come home for a quicky like last week?" I didn't see it until the presentation. So did the executives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 248

You deserved it 10 557

Today, my boss fired me for causing a "commotion" at work while running the vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 154

You deserved it 1 021

Today, after years of not meeting my partner's family, along with the new arrival of our daughter, we decided to travel to meet them all and introduce our bundle of joy. Instead of the usual welcoming committee, all they could go on about was whether or not my daughter was his because of how fair toned she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 149

Today, I got lost trying to find the hospital my sister was giving birth in. I stopped at a store to call my mom for directions. A cop pulled up beside me and knocked loudly on my window asking me to get out. The store had been robbed and I am now a suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 938

You deserved it 2 560

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 642

You deserved it 3 277