The Top

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Eeeeeek!

By Anonymous - 01/01/2026 22:00

Today, I tried to sneak a yawn during a quiet meeting. Instead, I made a squeaking noise that sounded like a dying mouse. The meeting ground to a halt. Someone asked if I was OK. I was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 147

Who am I?

By Carrie - 27/12/2025 22:00

Today, I went to a grocery store after work, exhausted. I nodded politely at a woman who smiled at me repeatedly. I realized at checkout she thought I was someone she knew. I nodded through a full conversation without knowing who I was pretending to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 98

The plot thickens

By Anonymous - 20/06/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I did laundry and found one lone sock in the washer. Thinking I was done, I left it there and put the rest in the dryer. When I pulled out the clothes, the sock was missing. It was in the dryer all along, but I couldn’t find its partner anywhere. A sock black hole struck again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 106

Prodigy

By Anonymous - 30/11/2025 12:00

Today, I have in my living room a Rubik’s cube I’ve been trying to solve for over a year. I just got home and it was sat on the floor solved. Apparently my wife gave it to her nephew to play with and he solved it in about four minutes, then got bored. He’s 8 and I’m 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 189

Costco madness

By Anonymous - 27/02/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, my kid kept trying to play in the aisles at Costco and wouldn't listen when I told him to stop. He was spinning in circles when a guy with a cart full of sodas ran into him, rolling over his leg. The first thing my wife said? "Why didn't you tell him to stop?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 362

Casual

By Patrick - 11/04/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I went to meet a friend for coffee. When I arrived, I mistakenly thought it was a casual meet-up, but apparently, it was a date. I didn’t realize this until she leaned in for a kiss at the end, and I awkwardly offered her a fist bump instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 101

Don't threaten me with a good time

By Anonymous - 14/07/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I received a package in the mail from a guy, with no warning. He then blocked me. It was a strap on. What do I even do with this thing now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 135

Horny and frustrated

By gennymae1991 - 20/12/2025 20:00

Today, I was once again stood up by someone who I was supposed to hook up with and now they won't respond to my messages. Maybe I'm the problem? FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 151

What do you have to hide?

By srry4spamtennaprn - 13/09/2025 12:00

Today, I visited my mom and siblings. While I went to the bathroom, my younger brother somehow unlocked my iPhone, opened my Twitter app, and sent my parents links to every post in my Bookmarks. Every single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 122

It's the new thing

By Anonymous - 31/12/2025 20:00

Today, my 14 year-old son got into a fight with his 15 year-old cousin. I say fight, my son just practically lamped him into orbit. When I yelled and asked why he did that, my son said, "He was mogging me." I had to get my phone out to look up what that even meant. I'm still not sure what it means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 75

Those were some hefty dogs

By NeedsANewPhone - 23/09/2025 03:00

Today, after getting my phone fixed last week because my daughter dropped it and it landed on a corner, I dropped it again at the dog park and several big dogs fighting with my dog stepped on it. One of them cracked the screen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 154

Vacation breaker

By Mommys boy - 23/07/2025 00:00 - United States - Galveston

Today, I joined an impromptu work video meeting from a family vacation but forgot to change my display name from “Mom’s iPad.” For the entire hour, everyone called me “Mom” and I didn’t understand why they were calling me that. Once I realized what was going on, it was too late, so I’m officially “Mom” at work now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 298

In these times…

By Anonymous - 22/10/2025 22:00

Today, I found myself trying to use AI to edit the only photo I have of the man who was the love of my life. I'd like to look into his eyes again and remember that feeling again… FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 186

Oh, the humanity

By Anonymous - 11/11/2025 09:00

Today, I think there might be something wrong with my family's cell phone carrier or cell phones. They use Verizon, I use T-Mobile. They use iPhones, I use a Google Pixel 8a. On at least two separate occasions, my dad hasn't been able to get my text messages. I can't afford to switch carriers or get a new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 95

Cause for concern?

By Anonymous - 14/07/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

Today, I looked at the supplements my boyfriend puts in the protein shakes we both drink. To my horror, most of them listed "boosts libido" or "increased fertility" as benefits. When I confronted him, he said ,"So? I drink them too, it's not like I'm drugging you or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 341

Get a taxi

By Anonymous - 25/12/2025 20:00

Today, my wife walked into the bedroom in a vest top, a mini skirt, tights, and fuck-me heels. I thought I was gonna get some for the first time in months, until she came out with the dreaded statement, “I’m off out with the girls, can you stay awake? I might need a ride home later.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 96

Bad boy

By naughty boy - 09/10/2025 20:00

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my dog, hoping they’d get along. I told my boyfriend, “Don’t worry, he never jumps on anyone.” Immediately, my dog jumped, not onto my boyfriend but right into my lap, knocking my glass of red wine all over my trousers. My boyfriend patted the dog and said, “At least someone’s happy to see you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 110

Better happy and fat

By Anonymous - 05/12/2025 03:00

Today, I've zero motivation to even live life. I've stopped doing even the little things I like. My husband tries hard to cheer me up and keep things going, but I just want to curl into a ball and die. I'm too scared to take depression medication as it makes me fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 356

Share, not scare

By Anonymous - 18/03/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, during a family dinner, my uncle asked if anyone had any embarrassing stories. Feeling brave, I told them about my recent breakup. As I was getting to the juicy details, my 11-year-old cousin piped up, saying, “You’re talking about the time you ate pizza naked, right?” My face was instantly beet red. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 211

Hold the line

By Anonymous - 03/04/2025 12:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I was at a restaurant for a quite important business lunch. I really had to go to the bathroom, but there was a queue to the only stall in the whole place, so I decided to just "hold it" and power through. Half an hour later, I sneezed and… didn’t exactly hold it in anymore. I had to excuse myself and leave the restaurant early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 273

Double standard

By Anonymous - 18/08/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I realized I sacrificed all my friends to make sure my marriage was successful, but sometimes when under extreme stress from my wife, I use the B-word and that’s enough for her to want to leave me. However, it’s perfectly fine for her to say "Fuck you" and that I’m a everything but a decent human being. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 456

Doomerism

By Karmen - 01/01/2026 03:00

Today, I learned that my country has canceled all our offshore wind farms, putting the fight against the climate crisis back probably fifty years. When I told my husband, he said, "Good, we don't want to be the beached whale capital of the world". THE CLIMATE CRISIS, PEOPLE! FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 386

Smooth moves

By Anonymous - 15/07/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, in a nightclub packed with people, I enthusiastically went in for a handshake with someone but they went for a fist bump. We both ended up doing the awkward “Pull back and retry” dance for a solid five seconds. I think I just lost all credibility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 171

One simple trick

By HotAndBotheredAndSad - 25/07/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I finally made my fiancé orgasm with oral without his help. He asked me what I did differently. It turns out, I was just sad and depressed because he hasn’t made the effort to make me orgasm in months. I can’t ask without feeling like I’m intruding on his busy schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 120

Chatty Cathy

By Anonymous - 03/12/2025 09:00

Today, I was recording a video for my online class. I say I tried, because my very chatty Siamese cat was yowling in the next room, then came in, leapt onto my desk, knocking over my mug onto my laptop. The recording caught me screaming and falling off my chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 84

Long day, long ride home

By Jennette - 13/09/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the train after a long day. I woke up to find that I’d been drooling onto the shoulder of the stranger next to me for at least three stops. He said nothing, but when I stood up, there was a wet patch shaped like my face on his sleeve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 102

What up EWU Crew?

By mario - 30/12/2025 09:00

Today, the cops were called on our apartment because they heard angry yelling and loud screams. I was having a Mario Kart party with some friends over and we got too into the game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 193

Strange metric

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 1 993

Solved mysteries

By Abe - 29/01/2025 03:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I found out the "mystery buzzing" in my apartment wasn’t an electrical problem. It was my landline cordless phone vibrating under the couch, which had apparently been stuck there for two days. I missed 23 calls, mostly from my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 241

Revenge tastes good

By Anonymous - 13/09/2025 15:00

Today, I reported my ex-spouse for license suspension after he cheated on me. Not my problem anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 107

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my brain is all messed up, and my stomach is churning at the thought of going to school, which starts from tomorrow. I was never like this before the lockdown at least. I liked going to school; now I despise it. My social life is now shit, and I have no idea if my mental health is alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 181

Today, my mom is marrying my ex boyfriend's dad. The same ex boyfriend who I caught cheating on me with my sister. Family gatherings are going to be such a joy! FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 895

You deserved it 2 904

Today, my doctor told me if my blood pressure gets any higher, he could use me to reinflate the air in his tyres. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 158

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 101

You deserved it 14 597

Today, my family was cleaning out our basement when I noticed an empty wall. I asked my grandma if I could put a picture up. She replied, "I don't want your ugly drawings on the wall". I wasn't talking about my drawings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 972

You deserved it 1 746

Today, a friendly game of Cards Against Humanity somehow ended in a screaming match, my best friend's mother pulling out her tits, and me getting bit in the foot by a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 500

You deserved it 3 504