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2 fast, 2 braincells

By Negative aura - 21/12/2025 00:00

Today, I was in a parking lot, doing donuts in my dad's car to rizz some baddies. It was going great until some dumbass got in the way and got launched twenty feet. I panicked, lost control of the car, and smashed into a decorative tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 1 038

Help wanted

By What do I do? - 17/01/2026 09:00

Today, my husband dropped a bombshell when he served me divorce papers and a set of tests proving that our sons (7 and 9 years-old) are not his. I'm alone at home, scared shitless, and my poor kids don't understand where their dad is. I can't take them to their bio dad, since he died four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 697

Pucker up

By It feels fucking awful - 18/12/2025 12:00

Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 644

Synchronize your watches

By Anonymous - 24/12/2025 20:00

Today, I texted my partner that I was “on my way.” I then sat on the couch doomscrolling for another 25 minutes. When I finally left, I ran into him in the parking lot, holding groceries, staring at me like I’d just lied for the fun of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 801

Sia is drunk again

By Not Sia - 21/12/2025 09:00

Today, during a wild party, I climbed up to the second floor, over a railing, and leapt for the chandelier, screaming, "I'M GONNA SWING FROM THE CHANDELIER!" I swung for a second, everyone was cheering, and then the chandelier gave way. Now I'm in hospital with millions of stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 974

Love you!

By bad son - 13/01/2026 22:00

Today, I texted my mom, “Love you!” and immediately followed it with, “Oops wrong chat” except it wasn't the wrong chat. She replied, “???” and now she thinks I only say I love her by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 381

Busted

By Busted - 16/01/2026 15:00

Today, my husband planned a surprise party. He would pretend to forget my birthday, I'd leave in a rage and go to my best friend's house, where the surprise party would be. It would have been a great plan had I gone to her house and not my side dick's apartment. Now I'm totally fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 999

Lighting in a bottle

By Anonymous - 17/01/2026 20:00

Today, I have an amazing girlfriend. She’s smart, funny, educated, gets along with my friends and family, but she’s such a snooze in the sack, it makes me miss my psycho ex. That woman was a toxic mess of a person but she could do things that would make a porn star blush. What’s wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 56

No, you go!

By Nervous - 17/01/2026 22:00

Today, I've only just got my license and waved someone through at a four-way stop because I was nervous. They waved back. We both kept waving while traffic built up behind us. Someone finally honked, and we both panicked and went at the same time. I stalled the car in the intersection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 80

A cute one for a change

By We have fun at least - 18/01/2026 00:00

Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 53

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 498

You deserved it 2 116

Today, when I logged onto Facebook, I discovered a friend request from my ex who broke up with me and deleted me months ago. Upon adding her, I was taken to her profile where I saw dozens of status updates talking about how much she loves her new boyfriend, who she dumped me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 875

You deserved it 9 903

Today, I found a pound of cooked bacon in the dryer. When I asked my roommate about it, he confessed; his excuse was that he wanted to dry up the grease before eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 454

You deserved it 3 828

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 820

You deserved it 5 732

Today, I finally got to experience being loved, or at least what it looks like. I paid for a fabulous wedding in a video game with a reluctant friend, who only agreed after I explained all the free costumes, pets, and other items he'd receive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 417

Today, I decided to be the sober housemate for the first time in a while. I drove my drunk friends to the bar and back, even buying them pizza before they passed out in the living room. I got repaid by catching my wasted housemate in my room, peeing all over my floor, bed, and nightstand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 378

You deserved it 8 373