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Landlords are scum

By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 19:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my landlord is sleeping with my girlfriend, and he won’t let me out of my lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 539

You deserved it 165

By Cecilly2010 - 28/04/2011 15:53

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 689

You deserved it 5 311

By Mel Ancholy - 18/02/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 366

You deserved it 8 222

By babydoll13211 - 04/09/2009 21:36 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's pool party. He lives on a lake and one of our friends wouldn't get in the water. My best friend and I decided to push him off the dock. Once we had, I turned to see my crush who had watched looked shocked, then said, "You know he can't swim right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 323

You deserved it 66 340

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, I was holding my 3 year old brother, and apparently he thinks it's hilarious to pull my tank top down and scream ''BOOBS!'' in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 881

You deserved it 4 979

By rastafarimon - 17/04/2011 05:56 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 203

You deserved it 8 985

By SteveBassist - 27/03/2018 15:00

Today, while playing on stage, the singer of my band swung his microphone around, straight into my face. I now have stitches above my right eye, and a job interview in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 946

You deserved it 306

Good question

By cynicalcindy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I visited my brother in jail for the first time. I didn't know what to say so I blurted out, "Are you having fun?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 179

You deserved it 50 371

Revenge

By Fcuked - 23/03/2011 04:40 - New Zealand

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him "Meow" over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin, and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 641

You deserved it 68 753

Planned parenthood

By KittenTitz - 03/05/2020 20:00

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 669

Evil will always win

By Anonymous - 04/05/2020 08:00

Today, I tried to suspend a junior accountant for turning up to work late and stoned three separate times. Turns out his uncle is a part owner of the business, so the accountant got to smile his smug little grin as I got yelled at for not minding my own business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 089

You deserved it 197

The worst

By mommylovesu - 15/03/2011 02:25 - United States

Today, the bus came to pick up my daughter to take her to kindergarten. When it honked, I opened the door for her to let her run out to it. Halfway there, she tripped and started crying. I couldn't run out because I was still in my underwear. Now her bus thinks I'm the worst mom ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 179

You deserved it 43 807

Nice guys

By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 10:01

Today, I broke a heel and fell. A real handsome guy helped me up, so being single I said I didn’t know how I might repay him, hoping he might ask me out. He asked me if I’d be willing to go to the public toilets round the corner and suck him off. Why do I even bother trying to find a nice guy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 478

You deserved it 271

By ayye_its_nikki - 19/12/2012 05:07 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 552

You deserved it 21 376

By Username - 12/03/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 231

You deserved it 8 342

My gift is my song and this one's for you

By sadsongstress - 12/08/2009 11:18 - Belgium

Today, my ex got dumped by his girlfriend. Seeing my opportunity, I sent him a song I'd written for him, about how much I still love him. He sent it on to the girl who had just dumped him, claiming he had written it. They're now back together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 308

You deserved it 22 832

Gross!

By cantstopfeelingit - 16/12/2019 05:00

Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 222

You deserved it 2 500

Yeesh

By NewFiancee - 11/08/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I went out for dinner with my parents where they asked me if I was still dating my boyfriend so I answered no. They quickly responded by saying, "Oh so you finally got rid of that douchebag? It's not like he was getting anywhere in life anyways." I answered no because he's my fiancé now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 320

You deserved it 9 649

By Anonymous - 14/07/2018 20:30

Today, I was watching my 2-year-old sister in the bathtub. As she was splashing, she stopped, and pointed at the "owie" on my head. I told her it was okay, and that it was just a pimple. She said, "Wow, you have a lot of pimples!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 185

You deserved it 378

By unluckylassy - 28/11/2013 00:01 - Ireland

Today, after moving miles to be with my boyfriend, I logged onto his computer just in time to see his other girlfriend had sent naked pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 242

You deserved it 6 226

By MoreActionThanMe - 11/12/2012 00:04 - United States

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 949

You deserved it 2 824

By Anonymous - 03/08/2018 20:30 - Brazil - Florian?polis

Today, I asked my mother to take a picture of me with my phone. She managed to drop the phone thrice within 5 minutes. Now the phone is busted and she refuses to pay for the repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 309

You deserved it 709

Shared towel

By shitface - 06/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 083

You deserved it 1 253

Humblebrag

By Jason - 09/09/2021 05:01

Today, I discovered that have large "parts" is not all it's cracked up to be, when the girl of my dreams broke up with me because, and I quote, "We tried everything and it just won't fit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 544

You deserved it 403

'Tis the season to be jolly, falalala lala la la

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour, on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand why suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 734

You deserved it 2 893

Motel 6 to 9

By gregm97 - 06/06/2020 05:03

Today, after my family and I returned to our motel after a long day trip, we saw that the room was made. As we were getting ready to sleep, I pulled my sheets back to find a large piece of crap smeared all over the bed. When we told the front desk about this, they told us to "fuck off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 181

By RestlessDiesel - 18/04/2016 14:40 - United States - Hudson

Today, I pulled off the road to help a turtle cross it. Before I could get out of my car a dump truck ran over the turtle, splattering my car with turtle guts and bits of shell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 089

You deserved it 1 844

By :/ - 20/02/2011 18:44 - Canada

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 061

You deserved it 109 749

Oh, the sinning

By Liliannn - 23/09/2021 08:00

Today, I found out I’m pregnant. This would be joyful news, if the father wasn’t my friend’s soon-to-be husband. I’m one of the bridesmaids at their wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 4 571

By dumping time - 25/11/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Aylesford

Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 108

You deserved it 30 875

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I developed a roll of film I'd had sitting around for years. It was all images my ex had taken of him scrubbing his ass and toilet with my electric toothbrush, which I'd used for at least a month after our breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 165

You deserved it 341

Today, my boyfriend of 5 days proposed to me at the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 872

You deserved it 4 860

Today, my desperate cousin "visited" my house demanding that I pay him back his mom's flatbed scanner I broke, in the tune of $3000, which should cover for "interest." Yes, I remember: Our aunt bought it for $29.95 on Black Friday. My sister is the one who broke it, and then blamed it on me. All of this happened back in 1998. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 53

Today, as we were going through airport security, my mom tried to joke with the person searching her bag, saying, "Just don't take out my vibrator!" She practically shouted it for the whole line to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 387

You deserved it 380

Today, I noticed my ex had unblocked me on Facebook. Since I still miss her and haven't been able to find love since our breakup, I sent her a friend request, thinking maybe she was leaving the door open for me, and we could reconcile. Apparently I was wrong because she promptly blocked me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 1 704

Today, I decided to clean my room, find a job and ask a girl on a date. I ended up playing video games online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 291

You deserved it 45 075