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By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 386

You deserved it 40 503

By accountnamevalid - 21/07/2013 04:45 - United States - Littleton

Today, I was on a bus and I was so exhausted that I fell asleep. According to a few other passengers, I nestled into the chest of the guy next to me, and hit him every time he made a noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 715

You deserved it 9 838

accountnamevalid tells us more.

accountnamevalid 3

Monday 22 July 2013 6:45

It was a Greyhound, and I'd been up for 2 days. He didn't say a word to me about it. After I was told by the lady behind me, I apologized profusely, and he said "it's alright. I figured you must really need the sleep." Super nice guy, but I wanted to die.

Tough choice

By Anonymous - 12/02/2019 00:00

Today, my new anxiety medicine fully entered my system. It makes me shit my brains out. I can either fart and risk shitting my pants every time or I can be too anxious to even enter a public place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 244

You deserved it 221

That's a mother

By Anonymous - 23/02/2020 20:00

Today, my mom and I got into a fight about a topic we agreed on. Seems like we're destined to never get along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 572

You deserved it 326

By Anti_Sora - 24/03/2019 18:00

Today, I tried to turn in a final exam online. When I went to check if it had been submitted, Blackboard told me it did. My grade told a different story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 211

You deserved it 158

By LOTRfail - 27/07/2012 02:13 - United States - Malden

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 345

You deserved it 4 082

Let's get loud

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 07:36 - Reserved

Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 736

You deserved it 32 238

By Anonyme - 26/09/2014 06:56 - France - Saint-di

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 71

WTC WTF?

By no! - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Worcester

Today, someone in my class referred to the September 11th attacks as "Nine-Elevs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 784

You deserved it 3 567

By Anonymous - 23/06/2013 06:55 - United States - Evansville

Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news to everyone: her parents, siblings, best friend, and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 978

You deserved it 4 905

By imarriedanaxemurderer - 18/06/2013 05:01 - United States - Joliet

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 575

You deserved it 4 629

By Emily - 21/08/2011 04:54 - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 741

You deserved it 42 703

By badteacher - 24/10/2010 05:26 - United States

Today, while I was substitute teaching a middle school class, a boy, named Chris, refused to get in the boy's line for the bathroom. After I had said, "Chris, what makes you think you're a girl?" in a very loud voice, one of the other students said "She is a girl." I've scarred a child for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 859

You deserved it 52 685

By Oriianna Raiinbow - 23/10/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, talking to my boyfriend about each others families, we noticed we both had an aunt with the same name. After a while of trying to figure things out, we decide to call her. Turns out that we are long distance cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 831

You deserved it 4 583

By Imagino1234 - 14/12/2016 18:52 - Canada - Prince George

Today, my mother sent off a handmade Christmas wreath I made for my 70-year-old grandmother. It wasn't until after it was sent that we realized the box it was packed in was originally for adult diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 915

You deserved it 1 261

By Anonymous - 31/05/2013 04:20 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 551

You deserved it 5 070

By Anonymous - 30/05/2013 03:55 - United States - Redlands

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 803

You deserved it 9 835

I'm not paid enough for this

By Doublescrewed - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff

Today, I showed up for my first shift in my new night job; I now work at an apartment complex during the day and at a gas station at night. It turns out that our biggest problem tenant in the former happens to be my boss in the latter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 638

You deserved it 1 634

Loose connections

By CheeseLover - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Spring

Today, the pizza delivery guy and I know more about each other than me and my family ever have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 064

You deserved it 1 275

Nice try, dude

By bigbill - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was presented with a bill for $27,601 by my single, alcoholic, deadbeat father. Why? "For having to raise your goddamn lazy ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 000

You deserved it 3 116

By SariLone - 19/05/2013 18:02 - India - Mumbai

Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 012

You deserved it 8 682

You must be kidding

By work hard - 07/11/2016 12:38 - Canada - Petawawa

Today, I went into work thinking it was my last day before I start my new job, as my 2-week notice said to the managers that I can't work after today. None of them believed that I was actually capable of getting a better job and thought my 2-week notice was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 932

You deserved it 983

Freaked out

By ADanceWithDavos - 07/07/2014 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 036

You deserved it 4 632

By stephscort - 11/05/2013 13:32 - United States - Middletown

Today, I saw my ex husband walking with his very beautiful, very pregnant wife. We divorced 7 months ago because he told me he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 651

You deserved it 5 591

stephscort tells us more.

stephscort 11

Monday 13 May 2013 1:39

I hate to admit this, but since he blocked me on Facebook, I made a fake account to find out and indeed, he is remarried and expecting a child. At first, I was confused and thinking, maybe it was just a friend or someone... then I got furious when I saw their wedding photos on Facebook. FML

By RENThead - 13/09/2015 19:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking down a path in the woods behind my house when I saw a squirrel. It ran away, but little did I know it wasn't running from me, it was running from the dog that had forced Animal Control to sweep the area. I ended up with stitches in my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 882

You deserved it 1 610