Sex and Intimacy: You've tried this before, right?

You've tried this before, right?

By xxxzzzooo - 02/01/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

agreeclassic 25 590

vote type 1 3 811

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Mr Floppy

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

agreeclassic 37 098

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By firsttimer69 - 20/03/2009 06:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

agreeclassic 151 777

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By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

agreeclassic 47 606

vote type 1 4 589

Running gag

By needsomelove - 20/10/2019 06:00 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

agreeclassic 2 397

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Holes

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 00:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML

agreeclassic 36 975

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By ReallyBro - 21/03/2012 07:27 - United States - Keller

Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML

agreeclassic 37 566

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Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

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Not feeling it

By thisisstupid_17 - 16/11/2016 14:47

Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML

agreeclassic 12 872

vote type 1 1 373

Booming

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 22:22 - United States - Arvada

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

agreeclassic 51 971

vote type 1 10 228

By Evra - 16/04/2015 05:04 - United States

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

agreeclassic 38 301

vote type 1 6 131

xGet_Over_It 0

Thursday 1 April 2010 5:38

what the hell is this? 16 year olds talking about their "boyfriends" erected penis?

wags883 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 20:29

my boyfriend tries that too. by the time the tips in he's hard as a rock :)

Comments

Ninjaface 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 22:10

Maybe you should give him a hand (pun intended).

CrazyAssStories 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 22:28

plop

spiderman0606 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 22:33

bahahskjhdaahhahahhaaha the comments are funnier than the fml

AcidBullets 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 22:40

lol

wyldsyde 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 22:57

be a good girl and "give him a hand" then. you probably are one of those who does no work during it.

hockeyhouse 5

Saturday 2 January 2010 22:59

#30, don't knock til you try it.

louie111887 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 23:13

I sixth 21. I completely agree

iluvpandas 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 23:38

i seventh

eric62086 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 23:51

you need a new bf ASAP

blakehilli8 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 23:57

I eighth 21

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Keywords

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Top

Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML

agreeclassic 40 043

vote type 1 5 043

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

agreeclassic 28 158

vote type 1 4 668

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

agreeclassic 14 913

vote type 1 23 971

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

agreeclassic 50 555

vote type 1 6 934

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by putting a Post-it note on my locker that said, "Consider yourself dumped." FML

agreeclassic 41 845

vote type 1 4 686

Today, I got screamed at by my boss for holding a guy to corporate policy at a rental agency. The guy was rich, so apparently rules don't apply to him. FML

agreeclassic 837

vote type 1 85