Intimacy, Awkward and Wanker: Wanker

Wanker

By oops - 09/02/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

agreeclassic 51 421

vote type 1 8 873

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By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 05:28 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML

agreeclassic 42 136

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By me - 08/06/2012 14:00 - United States - Carthage

Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 17:44 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I realized that it's become a regular occurrence for my mother and me to talk about our pubic hair. I don't know which is worse, the fact that I now know that she shaves it, or the fact that we even talk about this stuff. FML

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By SCARRED - 29/08/2014 20:15 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

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Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

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By oliverP123 - 22/07/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

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By lobotomy pls - 11/09/2015 18:40 - United States - Tappahannock

Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML

agreeclassic 28 426

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By Jill Shanks - 01/09/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML

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By FMLPLZ - 03/01/2014 02:52 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, when I am asked to do something and I don't do it immediately, my mother threatens to "twerk" in front of my friends. FML

agreeclassic 47 771

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By lovely321 - 02/04/2011 19:46 - United States

Today, I was giving a strip tease over Skype to my boyfriend. My mom walked in mid-way through, took a long look at me, said hi to my boyfriend, and walked out. FML

agreeclassic 18 729

vote type 1 50 145

FML_x2 0

Wednesday 15 April 2009 23:09

Your mom does the five knuckle shuffle too? O_o

xsydbabyx 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:00

Sicko?! What the hell? Whas wrong with masturbating? Oh yea but seriously, lock the door.

Comments

Roawr 0

Monday 24 August 2009 1:42

ha awkard.

xander2347 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 17:51

the five knuckle shuffle lmfao

neroo_fml 0

Thursday 18 March 2010 7:03

O_o I'll never look at John Cena the same way.. lol

mikey12212 14

Wednesday 12 December 2012 23:43

Lmfao! Me neither! And I met him!!

mikey12212 14

Wednesday 12 December 2012 23:43

Lmfao! Me neither! And I met him!!

skyttlz 32

Monday 21 June 2010 2:28

idk what a five knuckle shuffle is

bmexoxo98 0

Wednesday 23 June 2010 5:41

I live In kentucky:)

b182link 0

Sunday 27 June 2010 0:55

it says you're male

liveitup1247 0

Monday 28 June 2010 4:50

haha

liveitup1247 0

Monday 28 June 2010 4:51

wats a five knuckle shuffle?

Guido25897 4

Saturday 24 September 2011 3:44

Masturbation

Lilac_Luvs_Yew 0

Friday 3 September 2010 7:24

26 u look like ashley tisdale... well the blonde girl does...

ooohmylanta 0

Tuesday 19 October 2010 6:18

It's only a matter of time before you walk in on her.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, my girlfriend asked what my sexual fantasy was, and I said Catwoman. She got disgusted at me, because according to her, Catwoman is 15 years-old or something. Turns out she has only seen Gotham, featuring Catgirl as a teenager, and not the grown-up Halle Berry version I was talking about. FML

agreeclassic 1 694

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Today, the mouse trap I set in my kitchen worked. I caught a snake. FML

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Today, my mother keeps nagging me to find a wife, settle down, and have kids, even though I have zero interest in any of those things. She refuses to understand that I’m perfectly content being completely on my own. She even signed me up to Tinder without my knowledge. FML

agreeclassic 766

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Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

agreeclassic 26 809

vote type 1 2 402

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