Today, our house was broken into by 2 burglars. Their plans were... - FML

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By should I call the police or animal control? - 14/06/2018 03:55

Today, our house was broken into by 2 burglars. Their plans were thwarted when our giant Burmese Python rose up, stared at them in the eye and started hissing loudly. We don't have a Burmese Python. FML

agreeclassic 110

vote type 1 7

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BurnInDemonFire 35

Friday 15 June 2018 22:21

Cop: "Bad news, some burglars broke into your house." OP: "Sad face emoji." Cop: "There is good news. They were scared off by your Burmese Python." OP: "Uhh... what Burmese Python?" Cop: "Awkward..." *slowly backs out of OP's house* "Good luck with your new bff!" OP: "Oh poop emoji!"

Emma Marshall 19

Sunday 17 June 2018 8:56

Were you there while all of this was happening?

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 35

Friday 15 June 2018 22:21

Cop: "Bad news, some burglars broke into your house." OP: "Sad face emoji." Cop: "There is good news. They were scared off by your Burmese Python." OP: "Uhh... what Burmese Python?" Cop: "Awkward..." *slowly backs out of OP's house* "Good luck with your new bff!" OP: "Oh poop emoji!"

Emma Marshall 19

Sunday 17 June 2018 8:56

Were you there while all of this was happening?

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML

agreeclassic 64 227

vote type 1 14 837

Today, I tried to impress a French student by saying “Bonjour!” but instead said “Bordel!” which means “Brothel.” She laughed, and so did every one of the french students around us. My cultural street cred is officially dead. FML

agreeclassic 101

vote type 1 485

Today, after several sleepless nights full of crying, I went to my university's free help center. After telling the psychologist my problems and asking what to do, he looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, it's not depression, I guess. You should go out more and, like, party some more." FML

agreeclassic 33 649

vote type 1 3 338

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has more armpit hair than me. FML

agreeclassic 36 505

vote type 1 6 500

Today, I took my dog to the park. It had recently rained, and he started rolling in something unidentifiable. When I got home, I discovered it was a mixture of mud and who knows what else. Now my house smells like a swamp. FML

agreeclassic 498

vote type 1 280

Today, I watched my neighbor shake cat food calling, "Come here Mollie" at his back door. I then saw my own cat run into his house. I now know why my cat is so fat and never replies to me calling her Bonnie. I guess I'm being cheated on. FML

agreeclassic 30 065

vote type 1 3 041