Miscellaneous: Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run... - FML

By kat9232000 - 19/06/2009 04:04 - Canada

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

agreeclassic 17 826

vote type 1 110 520

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Brain worms

By Anonymous - 20/02/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I realized I've been saying "Excuse me" to automatic sliding doors for the past week. They haven't responded yet, but I'll keep you posted on their social skills. FML

agreeclassic 361

vote type 1 180

Let 'em in

By knoppad - 13/06/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML

agreeclassic 9 850

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By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, I went to run outside, only to smack straight into our sliding glass door. Just a few hours beforehand, my mom put up a strip of colored tape to stop this from happening. FML

agreeclassic 10 366

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Brain fart

By Anonymous - 15/08/2025 00:00 - Australia

Today, I walked up to a store’s automatic doors. They didn’t open. I waved my arms, stepped back and forward again, nothing. A staff member came over, tapped a button, and said, “It’s manual.” FML

agreeclassic 179

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Alexa, play "Mr Loverman" by Shabba Ranks

By Anonymous - 15/03/2020 18:07

Today, I was at a store when I saw a cute girl from my school. Trying to act cool, I went to hold the door for her. Too bad it was an automatic door. FML

agreeclassic 821

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Spatial awareness

By Anonymous - 21/10/2025 20:00

Today, I walked up to what appeared to be an automatic door. I stood for a second, waved my arms, but nothing happened. Then a guy came from behind me, pushed a clearly visible button under a clearly visible sign that read "Push to open." He said, “It’s OK, happens to everyone.” It doesn’t feel like it does. FML

agreeclassic 157

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On time

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 05:40 - Canada

Today, I was walking towards the bus. The bus was scheduled to leave at 3:20, and it was 3:19 so I decided to run for it. As the doors were closing, I managed to just slip my hand into the door, so it didn't fully close. The bus driver saw this, looked at my face, and then drove away. FML

agreeclassic 64 380

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Such a gentleman

By Harry123 - 01/09/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I was trying to be polite by holding the door for an elderly lady in a shop. What I didn’t realise was that the doors were automatic. I ended up standing there awkwardly for a good 5 seconds, holding onto thin air, while she just smiled and walked by. A bloke behind me said, “The doors don’t need your help, mate.” FML

agreeclassic 145

vote type 1 394

Guess I'm coming out in a Ford Focus

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - West End

Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML

agreeclassic 23 063

vote type 1 3 178

By thanksbro - 28/09/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I came home from school and ran to the nearest bathroom to go #2. In my hurry, I forgot to shut the door so I asked my older brother who was walking by to close it for me. After a while he didn't respond, so I looked up to see not my brother, but his best friend watching me take a crap. FML

agreeclassic 32 859

vote type 1 20 587

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TOP COMMENTS

24788 6

Friday 19 June 2009 12:06

WTF were you trying to prove?

redbluegreen 40

Friday 19 June 2009 12:12

Older brothers will say anything to make you look like an idiot, and you can't move faster then the machine can do it's job. I can't believe you believed him.

Comments

WTF_vampire 0

Monday 9 November 2009 8:52

One of my favorite FMLs

prettybrwneyes16 0

Sunday 7 March 2010 6:49

Isn't Canada a part of North America?

Critter456 0

Monday 12 April 2010 9:59

lol! how did you fall for that?! you must be young. my husband convinced his younger brother that he had a fake ball... he believed it for YEARS... sometimes I'm glad I never had an older sibling.

lindseytaylor201 0

Friday 16 July 2010 3:11

number 1, you body is just as amazing as Taylor lautners. damn is all I can say.

MeganCello 8

Tuesday 2 November 2010 0:20

That's....really not smart. :/ YDI for listening to your brother.

psarae 0

Friday 12 November 2010 22:11

Well now you know something about the trustworthiness of older brothers! I hope you have some sort of revenge planned. Plant some **** in his room!!

mbeasley14 0

Saturday 11 December 2010 22:05

And this is why Canada is America's hat and nothing more.

mba1256 0

Tuesday 7 June 2011 4:41

>.>

michelle895 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 19:45

thats so my older brotherr!

ParkersGirl 0

Friday 15 July 2011 5:10

Haha I've done that before! I ran to the sliding door I came in and stood there impatiently waiting for it to open. I stomped my feet in frustration, then realized the door was only used for entering. I realized this while people stared and laughed.

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Today, my mom is marrying my ex boyfriend's dad. The same ex boyfriend who I caught cheating on me with my sister. Family gatherings are going to be such a joy! FML

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Today, I found out, after months of being made to think I'm crazy, that my girlfriend has a complete online presence across 10+ cam/OnyFans/websites/Telegram, etc. It's my biggest trigger, my previous partner did the same on a much bigger scale. She denied it to the point of me moving out. FML

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