Intimacy: Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow...

By Ohai - 16/01/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML

agreeclassic 40 593

vote type 1 3 081

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By Noname - 25/02/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

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By butnotlikethat - 16/03/2013 00:05 - China - Nanchang

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

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Double-edged sword

By Janitoro - 23/11/2012 01:19 - United States

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/08/2012 13:31 - United States - Newberry

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

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By ReallyMom - 09/01/2014 21:48 - United States - Shawano

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

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By PlayTag - 05/02/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

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John Coltrane

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML

agreeclassic 75 143

vote type 1 22 222

In training

By Anonymous - 13/12/2023 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML

agreeclassic 643

vote type 1 200

Timmytwofinger 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 2:15

what the **** is wrong with your mum?

ModernDreamer 0

Friday 20 February 2009 0:52

man that sucks.... or should i say blows?

Comments

tomarino13 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:56

She just asked her SON how to have good sex with your DAD lmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!

turbogirl 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 12:37

This is definitely FML moment. That's really wrong.

Blaize007 0

Tuesday 23 June 2009 5:08

Ahahah awkwardd..

ellysa_fml 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 3:10

That blows!!!!!!! No pun intended

Danhickey 0

Thursday 8 July 2010 19:42

lol I would have intended it

silly_kate 0

Thursday 2 July 2009 14:53

O.O NO COMMENT!!

noahvs67 0

Friday 1 April 2011 6:37

isn't that a comment?

FMLreactor 0

Monday 6 July 2009 18:27

So what did u tell her?

popoman 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 20:09

Have her practice on you. Give her tips. Don't make eye contact.

mizu22 0

Friday 21 August 2009 22:45

well, guys would know what feels the best.

BrokencydeFML 0

Monday 24 August 2009 8:14

what did u say to her?

chunkymunkey 0

Monday 21 September 2009 5:12

YDI for giving nick jonas oral

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

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Today, I had my 7 month check up for my pregnancy. The nurse weighed me and said, "I see you've gotten into the Halloween candy." FML

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Today, I invited my only friend to my birthday party and she said no, not because she couldn’t go, but because she didn’t want to. FML

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Today, a little girl at work was coloring a picture that said "Best Dad" on it. Wanting to be nice I asked her if she was making it for her dad for father's day. She looked at me with a sad face and said, "I don't have a dad..." FML

agreeclassic 58 964

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Today, after 4 years of nicely asking, I wrote an official memo to our logistics department, asking for new chairs for my subordinates. The logistics people came and concluded that there are more broken chairs than good ones, but suggested that perhaps we should all go on a diet. FML

agreeclassic 28 995

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Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML

agreeclassic 53 491

vote type 1 10 195

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