Animals: Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on,...

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

agreeclassic 51 745

vote type 1 8 330

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By what-the-what - 29/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML

agreeclassic 3 793

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What are you doing?

By puppylove - 03/08/2019 16:00 - Philippines

Today, my mom caught me absentmindedly staring at my puppy's butthole. She'd also been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

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By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

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By Koko - 07/04/2016 16:07 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML

agreeclassic 19 801

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By Sam l. - 10/11/2012 06:51 - United States

Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML

agreeclassic 25 175

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By Anonymous - 13/04/2011 02:20

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

agreeclassic 20 651

vote type 1 41 004

By Username - 02/08/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML

agreeclassic 30 486

vote type 1 5 311

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 23:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

agreeclassic 40 596

vote type 1 7 524

By FrozenAnonymus - 14/07/2016 18:05 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML

agreeclassic 11 872

vote type 1 1 530

His little lipstick

By poopface82 - 06/07/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I was exhausted after three solid weeks of having my kids. After I got home, my dog decided to get intimate with his stuffed animal toy. I now know what my dog’s dong looks like, and that he’s gotten more action in the last two months than I have. FML

agreeclassic 279

vote type 1 228

Tygastyle 0

Wednesday 18 February 2009 3:10

at least you didn't get the boner....right?

badmotherfucker_fml 0

Sunday 22 March 2009 3:21

watching you do what?

Comments

baby4mommy 27

Monday 20 June 2016 7:02

I believe the phrase is supposed to be sent to Jail on a trumped up charge.

Sj1147 12

Thursday 28 July 2016 3:51

What the heck is a naughty step?

Grand_Genie 14

Thursday 28 July 2016 22:21

How old are u to them?

lucasj23 11

Tuesday 20 March 2018 3:14

you're an asshole. it had nothing to do with you.

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Keywords

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Today, I had sex with a friend. It was really good too! Until she kicked me in my right nut while changing positions. FML

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vote type 1 388

Today, I let out a huge fart during a job interview. I was the one conducting the interview. FML

agreeclassic 22 430

vote type 1 5 208

Today, my four-year-old daughter believes that all women will automatically become pregnant at some point during their lives. At least we don’t have to save for college. FML

agreeclassic 379

vote type 1 1 459

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

agreeclassic 39 385

vote type 1 7 473

Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML

agreeclassic 9 440

vote type 1 90 854

Today, we had a substitute teacher. She was taking attendance and had trouble pronouncing my last name. When I corrected her, I heard her mutter under her breath about, “Goddamn Mexican immigrants…” I’m from Greek ancestry, born in the USA. FML

agreeclassic 1 587

vote type 1 147

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